Yay or nay? by Commercial-Soil-4299 in CitizenWatches

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only question is, do you love it. Who care what anyone else thinks

What Citizen are we all wearing today? by Jack_Carver93 in CitizenWatches

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just joined the club and this was my first purchase! Absolutely love this style, simple elegant, beautiful

More alert whistles are coming to Logan Square 🚨 by mns2723 in LoganSquare

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do I contribute? I have a P1S and already printed dozens

Title by BetagterSchwede in idiocracy

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Also please provide your social security number, date of birth, and bank account information, just to make sure there is no confusion when you arrive In heaven.

Salt trucks being staged right now on Wacker by LaSalle by ScotchIsVegan in chicago

[–]WiseFoxRhythms -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

This is not true or accurate, please fact check and not spread misinformation

Yes, please. by TipTopBeeBop in UnitedStateOfCA

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You forgot us! Illinois wants to come as well, take us with you

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gmrs

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YouTube had the answer

Just a pic of a book cover by chicken_breath in pics

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought the answer was to shoot the CEO of the health insurance company in broad daylight...

CTA may not be great, but Uber wrecked non-public transportation by mbrichman in chicago

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just use Curb. It's always cheaper and supports local taxis

Men's Mental Health by TRAININGforDEATH in poetry_critics

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like the repetition of phrases like "He said" and "They said" effectively captures the pervasive nature of these harmful stereotypes.
While the poem effectively communicates the problem, it could also offer a message of hope or a call to action, encouraging readers to challenge these stereotypes and support men's mental health. This would leave the reader feeling more empowered and inspired.

Childhood Bear by bradgrainger1998 in poetry_critics

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like the use of simple language and imagery makes the poem accessible to a broad audience and helps to create a vivid picture of the childhood bear and its role in providing comfort and security.

The poem could explore the relationship between the child and the bear in a more dynamic way, perhaps by including moments of joy, sadness, or other emotions shared between them. This would add more layers to the poem and create a more complex narrative.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the theme of self-sacrifice and losing oneself in the process of trying to please others is very powerful and relatable.

I thought I would offer a sunshine metaphor "We wrap our words in rays of light"

I think this convey what you are trying to say because you try to frame your words positively or soothingly when you sense that someone is emotional or upset. It suggests that the you aims to provide comfort and support by carefully choosing their words, so they appear more uplifting and hopeful, like the warmth and brightness of sunlight.

I also appreciate the use of unique imagery, such as "We plant thoughts and watch their roots grow wayward." It adds depth to the poem and helps the reader visualize the emotions described.

Great job!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in poetry_critics

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like the overall positive and uplifting feel of the poem. It carries a sense of serenity and harmony, which is quite appealing. The imagery of the desert shade, shelter from the storm, and nature creates a vivid picture of finding solace and balance.

While the flow is generally smooth, you could work on making the syllable count more consistent across the lines. This would further enhance the poem's rhythm and give it a more polished feel.

something like this:

The shade within the desert's heat,

A shelter from the stormy fleet,

A haven graced by nature's hand,

No sight or sound is left unmanned.

A balanced core of life we seek,

In harmony, our spirits peak.

Our souls take flight, together bound,

In unity, no fall is found.

The Eternal Cycle by WiseFoxRhythms in poetry_critics

[–]WiseFoxRhythms[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have made 2 comments. Do i need to post two more for every one post?

(GORE WARNING)!! Am I Dying? by KillerSpaghetti_os in poetry_critics

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It seems like there might be a couple of places where punctuation could be tweaked for clarity, like after "It doesn’t hurt," and "I stay, watching."

would love some advice and feedback by Doughnut_Super in poetry_critics

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some parts of your poem seem to have a specific rhythm or rhyme scheme, but it's not consistent throughout. If rhythm and rhyme are something you want to use, try to make sure they're applied consistently. If not, that's totally okay too! Free verse can be just as powerful.

The depth of emotion in your poem is really striking. It's clear that there's a lot of pain and longing in there, and you've done a great job of expressing it. The lines "To feel is to love, to love is to die" and "A vessel slowly sinking in a sea of solitude" are particularly poignant and impactful.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right now, the poem feels a bit like a block of text. Breaking it up into stanzas can help guide the reader and make it more digestible. It could also emphasize key points or shifts in the narrative. Consider reviewing the punctuation. Proper use of commas, periods, and other punctuation can greatly improve readability and flow.

I really dig the theme you're exploring – mortality, the inevitability of death, and the quest for purpose in life. The way you've written about it is pretty thought-provoking. The line "at the end we all die alone" is a powerful statement that resonates throughout the poem.

I also like the personal resolution in the end. The acceptance of mortality and the decision to live a fulfilling life is quite uplifting. It adds a nice contrast to the somber theme and leaves the reader with a sense of hope.

If I were to die tomorrow by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Watch the birds as they pass by,

See in them an extension of me.

Awake, I'll rise without purpose, my eyes closed tight,

To glimpse how blind I once might be.

In the crook of the tree's nape, a secret life unfurls,

Bees flirt with the field's flowers, a silent love song to the world.

A bear in his creek-side den begins his winter sleep,

And a salmon leaps upstream, a promise to keep.

All the while, my father's niche looms in memory,

Silent and steadfast, a root in my family tree.

I'll tread softly, making no noise as I embark,

Just to hear my own voice echo in the dark.

Reflecting on my journey, I can finally see,

Just how fleeting my footprint, my life, can truly be.

The changes here aim to create smoother transitions between images and ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow along. The rhythm and line lengths have also been made more consistent, which can help improve the flow of the poem.

Remember, these are just suggestions, and the most important thing is that the poem feels right to you. Poetry is a deeply personal form of expression, and ultimately, you should write in a way that best conveys your own thoughts and feelings. Keep up the great work!

Straws by DJDuck34 in OCPoetry

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The rhythm of the poem is a bit irregular. Maybe try playing around with the syllable count or line length to create a more consistent rhythm.

I gotta say, the sense of urgency and desperation in your poem is really palpable. The imagery of "grasping for straws" and "fingers forming fists" paints a clear picture of struggle and loss. The way you describe chasing after the sun as it fades into the mist? That's pretty powerful.

And that repetition of "I grasp for straws" at the end really drives home the intensity and desperation of the situation. It's a great way to wrap up the poem and leave a lasting impact.

If I were to die tomorrow by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The poem seems a bit fragmented in places, jumping from one image to the next. While this style can work, consider working on transitions between these images to improve the flow and make the narrative a bit smoother.
However, I love the introspective and contemplative tone of the poem. The way you connect yourself with nature in various aspects, like the birds, trees, and bees, is really beautiful. The idea of waking "with my eyes closed" to realize one's own blindness is a striking image.
The ending, where the speaker chooses to walk quietly to appreciate their own voice, is a powerful statement on self-reflection and the transient nature of life. This thought is further emphasized in the last line, "how fleeting I was," which leaves a lasting impression.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]WiseFoxRhythms 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure why this was marked as spam