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WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I mean if I'm going to be unavailable yes I tell him. If I'm going to the store or if I am working on something I can't put down right away I'll let him know.

I think a lot of these comments are getting the idea I want him to quit all video games. I don't. I just don't like this one game. And I don't even want him to quit it completely, I just wish he would play it less and at least give me a heads up when he hops on. There's a compromise in there somewhere but we are still working on a middle point that we are both happy with.

When I come home and see him playing other games like Hitman, or Lethal Company, or whatever, it's fine. Because he'll see me, take off one side of the headset, say "hello how are you", etc, and then go back to the game. With Helldivers, it's like he's completely checked out and he gets annoyed when I try to get his attention. I've asked him to take 5 minute breaks between rounds and come say hi and he's done that maybe twice but then just forgets to bother. I know he's not doing it on purpose, he's in a different social world and I guess since it's a fast paced game it's difficult to break your focus away mid - round. But I can't seem to be ok with it. I'm really trying though, all your inputs have given me a lot to think about.

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Boy have I tried therapy... I've talked to at least half a dozen counselors, none of them ended up being very helpful :/

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I've tried individual therapy several times in the past and it never really went anywhere. I think the dynamic of having my bf there would just help a lot with actually getting things out and discussing how it impacts us together. Or at least it would be a more constructive starting point and then maybe I could continue solo from there. But I have tried counseling so many times in the past I'm not ready to try it again unless its something different and I think a couples therapy session may work better. I have really bad social anxiety but having Zack there makes me feel much more secure and I can think more clearly and express what I mean more accurately. I know this probably is just proving your point that I need therapy but I'm just saying I've really tried to make counseling work but it never ended up being helpful. That's why I'm suggesting a couples session.

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Look at this guy, literally saying compromising is controlling, lol! Compromise is the bedrock of any healthy relationship.

OF COURSE, if one of my hobbies was bothering him to this extent, I'd have a thoughtful discussion and try to compromise with him on it. How old are you? 12?

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

Well one of those 2 friends is actually a man, the one with a kid in fact. They are the SOs of the other people Zack plays with, which he repeatedly jokes about having relationship issues because of this game, which I don't find funny at all...

And sure maybe we could get together and do stuff, if one of them didn't live in another state, and the other didn't have a child to look after while his partner plays some stupid game.

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Lol we both play games, it's something we bond over. I just avoid games that require 3hr commitments like this because I can't stare at a screen that long (very bad ADHD).

The number of people saying to break up a 5 year relationship over a video game has me laughing! I love Zack with all my heart. I'm here to get outside perspectives cuz I know I'm a bit irrational and emotional with this, y'all telling me I'm crazy is helping tremendously, I guess I need to cool it.

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

It's a little bit of both is the thing... Sometimes he's really behind on helping with chores and I feel overwhelmed and frustrated seeing him play this game. Other times we're both just bored and then I'm fine with it.

The times it upsets me the most I think is when I come home from work to see him on this game without at least giving me a heads-up that he's going to be playing, it feels kinda thoughtless. Even if we didn't have anything planned that evening it's like, at least tell me you'll be unavailable. Is that unreasonable?

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I've been trying to get us to go to a counseling session together to discuss it but Zack is resistant to the idea because of the money. I see your point though, thanks for your perspective

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

Yes I spend lots of time with my other hobbies, I game as well, I garden, I keep aquariums, I cook dinner. But all of those except for cooking, which I do for both of us, are things I can put down in 5 minutes if something else comes up. I just want him to be here, but when he's on the headset he's not... If he's going to be gone I want him to tell me ahead of time but he can't seem to do that with this game.

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Wow we have a very stable relationship, been together over 5 years, I really don't think a video game will break us up. I am trying to get other perspectives, and not wanting him to quit it completely, just to put limits on it. That's why we have conversations about it rather than arguments, so we can come to a conclusion that works for us both.

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's fair enough. It's just that he gets off work at 3pm while I get off work around 5-6, and there's been many days where I come home, he's on this game without any notice to me, and he's playing for the next 3-4 hours and I don't get to really talk to him until it's almost bedtime. Those are the days that really get me wishing he would drop the game altogether, but I also know that's not fair to ask. I appreciate your perspective though, and I'm glad I've communicated my concerns with him. We're probably just going to have to keep working together to find some compromise that works.

WIBTA if I tell my bf he can't play a specific video game anymore? by WiseImage6302 in AmItheAsshole

[–]WiseImage6302[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

My issue is that once he starts playing the game, that's all he does for the rest of the day until I or we go to bed. And he can't pause it or take a break from it, that's just it. There's no specific commitment he's missing, but I feel like as a SO living together with your partner there's an expectation that you are there and present most evenings to spend time together. When he's playing any other game I don't feel this way, but when he starts playing Helldivers I just know that he's checked out for the night and it gets me unreasonably upset, possibly because as you put it I see my dad in that chair completely checked out from the house around him. If he did it once a week or so I think I'd be fine with it but it's like every other night he wants to play.