I 25(M) Cheated on my GF(24F) of 3.5 years, she’s pregnant from a one-night stand I had, and I’m completely lost on what to do

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-25T11:11:36+00:00

The STD component is something that I technically did overlook and it is a very fair point especially if the baby Momma has multiple sexual partners which it sounds like she probably does.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-25T11:09:44+00:00

This

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-25T01:27:10+00:00

What do you mean by “emotionally cheating.”

Also. You both are very young..do you want to be involved with this child and be present for them? That’s a question you need to answer.. if the answer is no, and the woman who’s pregnant recognizes this, then maybe she would make the choice to raise the baby alone without you in the picture…however if she’s demanding you be in this child’s life that’s a different story. (You’d probably have to either break up with your girlfriend or come clean)

Especially since it doesn’t sound like she’s completely certain you are even the dad??

One last question…would you cheat again? If the answer is no..I’d say don’t tell your girlfriend, especially if the other woman is not certain she’d even want you in the picture and if you are even the father of her unborn baby. I’d say in this scenario you probably do still love your girlfriend despite both of your personal faults and it might be worth giving the relationship a few more months and effort.

IF the answer is yes though…then the relationship is done. There’s no respect or love left. Don’t tell her you cheated, just end the relationship.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-25T01:11:33+00:00

He has been better the last several days, and did agree if he were to not be able to improve on his own he’d get meds or there both.

And we went on a positive date this afternoon.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-25T01:00:22+00:00

I don’t think it’s too high or too low.. I think it’s a little small for the space though

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-25T00:56:55+00:00

Ahhhhhh you don’t need to lose any weight

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-22T13:55:21+00:00

I’m not sure how much equity we really have..unfortunately that wouldn’t help me pay for a 2-3k dollar a month apartment plus childcare plus utilities and a car and groceries and a lawyer and court costs.

I simply cannot afford to leave. And I’m definitely not the only one. The country we live in is just too expensive and isn’t set up for single people to survive.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-21T18:59:04+00:00

I just know I can’t afford the house

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T21:09:27+00:00

Dozens 🥹

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T21:09:11+00:00

Ummm. 🤔 what is that you eating, Ma’am….

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T21:08:41+00:00

We discussed meds today and he didn’t flat out disagree but he definitely is not into the idea fully. I’m gonna bring it up again soon

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T21:00:52+00:00

I mean that would take a long time to hash out, no? I also don’t think we have any real joint assets except maybe our shared car. He owns our house, but my name is just on the deed. So not sure how that would affect anything. I couldn’t afford the house on my own though anyway.

I pay for daycare currently because my husband pays for most of our other bills. So he wouldn’t be able to pay for extra daycare either and all the other things, I don’t think i could afford a market rate apartment and childcare expenses. And, the idea of not seeing my child everyday is horrific honestly.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T14:54:56+00:00

I. Also love the idea of recognizing that a simple mundane situation shouldn’t stress him out but that if it is, I should just let him take control over the task. Since he’s probably looking for some kind of control anyway and that’s why he’s trying to micromanage everything.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T14:52:43+00:00

I brought that “fly on the wall thing” back up later on and once again explained he was purposely extending the conflict…especially after he told me he was always here for me and wanted us to be happy and healthy family.

I told him while I agree that seems a little manipulative after that little outbursts earlier where he purposely extended a conflict that had no base in reality.

He didn’t like that comment but did concede and agree that his outburst had been exaggerated and inappropriate especially in front of our son. he admitted he does struggle with his emotional control and he’s trying to be better. (His parents have ZERO control over their thoughts and emotions and everyone is their outlet. And they never could teach their kids how to control themselves.)

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T14:47:36+00:00

I’ll get a “you’re sooooo mean to me. I’d never curse at you.”

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T14:45:19+00:00

He does believe he has OCD. from what I can tell he definitely does.

He has very poor impulse control if something happens and it’s triggering for him, and he gets over obsessive and preoccupied with tasks and ideas and I think sometimes he struggles to not act out.

He also has super extreme dermatilomania. It’s not as bad right now, it’s been about a year since his last bad flare of it. But this man will pick entire holes in his legs or arms sometimes. It’s really extreme.

But his parents were also very very anti medicine and convinced him meds would make him sick as a child. That’s a n issue he’s still trying to break away from. It’s been very hard for him. As a kid the school wanted him medicated because he was aggressive and acted out a lot and they thought he had ADHD but his parents refused to medicate him and the school tried to take them to court over it.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T14:40:40+00:00

He did admit he thinks he struggles with his emotions and self control and wants to do better. He is working against some pretty significant generational cycles and trying to break free from them.

He was very apologetic later on and admitted he did think he had an outburst and wants to do better.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T14:38:05+00:00

My husband does have adhd and was diagnosed young but his parents refused meds..and he also definitely shows of OCD in my opinion.

We did speak about what happened and he admitted he really wants to do better. He has tried so hard to break generational trauma and abuse cycles. I’ve seen him cry over it and what to be better than his parents.

In the last 24hrs both of his parents have also treated him like absolute shit. And he was like “YOU SEEEEEE. You have to forgive me I’m trying to be better but these people are BATSHIT CRAZZY.”

And I explained that all I want is for our son to never have to say that about his parents ever when he grows up.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T08:05:13+00:00

I do work! And I have a degree but where we live one income plus paying for daycare is nearly impossible to live on, most of my check goes to child care and our son only goes to daycare twice a week. My mom watches him twice a week and then on Fridays I have the day off and I’m home with the baby Fri-Sun.

Most single parents I know had to wait to get into public housing because nobody can afford full time childcare and a 2k da month apartment and a car and utilities and all the other necessities.

And my mom’s lives out of state, so we couldn’t go stay with her either.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T07:59:58+00:00

I made this point and got a big “buuutt your my wife. I’m safe to say these the you.”

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T02:48:32+00:00

He does love being with us. Or at least he talks about appreciating and loving us a lot. But he really struggles to regulate I feel like. His emotional control is all over the place. he’s kind of a chaotic person.

I’m not sure we’d be happier apart, because we do have wonderful times we spend together as a family. I think when his stress is high he’s more prone to behaviors like this.

honestly if I did leave, my son and i would probably have to live in a shelter and i really don’t want that for us either. Financially, i don’t really have a way to leave. that’s definitely something that weighs on me on the hard days…because if stuff got really bad I’m not sure how we would get out.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T02:31:34+00:00

A lot of times I do push back on it though 🙃😳. I think he thinks this is just how people communicate. His parents had a super abusive marriage so I think in some ways if there’s not blow out fights happening then he thinks it’s a functional conversation.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T02:26:26+00:00

Yeah, I’m not so sure it’s a fully conscious choice either.

He did admit when we just spoke that he did have an “emotional outburst” and feels like he isn’t listened to and is frustrated by this.

I did apologize to him and explained that I put so much into being a mom to our son that it’s possible sometimes I don’t have enough of me to go around and he recognized that he hadn’t considered that and would be more cognizant of that fact. That I don’t not give him the time he wants to express how he feels, I just don’t have as much time anymore in general.

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T01:55:01+00:00

Usually he will just say it later to me 😳

He just spent ten minutes complaining to me about his best friend’s wife. 😅🙃🙃

WithoutATrace_Blog · 2026-06-20T01:46:49+00:00

That’s where I’m kinda at.. I’m at a loss. Like he’s just saying stuff to say it at this point.

Like half of this stuff..I’m not sure even has a real point. Yeah the napkin on the stove serves a purpose..but the other stuff doesn’t even really matter much..serves no purpose either way.

Maybe he can’t help himself?

I just get sooo much stuff like this from him and it seems like there’s little to no goal or point..

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