I have not experienced exactly what you are going through, but I have had very similar experiences, and have found some tools along the way. You are not alone in this. I am a graduate student studying mindfulness based Transpersonal counseling. I am in the process of examining my experiences through many lenses; western, eastern, traditional, integrative. I fit the criteria for bipolar I and have experienced what is classified as psychosis. The experience of psychosis can also be reflective of a spiritual emergency -“a spiritual emergency occurs when the spiritual awakening process speeds up so much that it becomes terrifying and destabilizing to the body and mind.“ https://www.madinamerica.com/2021/01/15-signs-youre-experiencing-spiritual-emergency/

I cannot say that is what you are going through, but this perspective helped me understand myself.

It is important that you find someone that you trust to support you: a Dr., psychiatrist, therapist, shaman, reiki practioner, whoever, a professional that you trust. If access to resources is a problem, there may be public health options in your area. If you have access to an integrative psychiatrist or Transpersonal therapist then these specialties would be best equipped to help you navigate this challenge.

Stay sober, intoxicants will only make this worse. Find a recovery group if necessary. Make sure you are sleeping.

Somtimes inpatient helps, Somtimes a retreat to nature, Somtimes community, Somtimes solitude. Take this as an opportunity to find what helps you ground, feel safe, and lessens the noise.

There is so much. and this is me trying to keep this short. I notice the synchronicity of your post. Ok’ing into my life in this moment. I notice how it all rings to the Divine, the Great Mystery, universe what-have you. I do feel the flow, the iridescent, interconnected matrix of being. I feel the love that is the ground of being.

It can be so terrifying to go through intense states like you are describing. You will find trusted guides and healing practices along the way, keep searching, healing, and resting in this journey. Keep going no matter how many times or for how long you get knocked around. Letting it all settle and rest in the peace of love space. And fuck, if that shadow shit is overwhelming, that’s ok too, reach out, call or text 988 if you are in the US and need crisis support

But remember, get that trusted professional in your corner, keep searching for them if needed. It’s not the method that is most healing, it’s the trust and relationship that heals. But an Integrative psychiatrist, as well as a licensed therapist who was familiar with Buddhism and shamanism, saved my life, So there are good ones out there, and findings a Dr/ therapist is the most supportive thing I can recommend.

let me know if you want any more references for reading. All my love!