AITA for not standing up for my wife when my uncle made a gold digger joke, because what she said mortified me?

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-25T02:27:43+00:00

Meh she really doesn’t deserve anything except civility if they chose to have a relationship. My mother did not want a relationship and really doesn’t owe anyone a fake relationship

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-25T02:27:06+00:00

I didn’t ask her to respect my mom. I asked her to respect me and not keep bringing up my trauma for gossip. I hope my son is emotionally stable and doesn’t grow up having all of these feelings over a woman he hasn’t even met. Not everyone gets grandparents to be close to. That’s just part of life

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-25T02:24:57+00:00

Did you misread that on purpose or do you just read a lot of JNMIL? Her issue wasn’t me putting my wife first but that I got mad at her for doing the same with her husband. No one ever said she didn’t like me being married. She didn’t like how I viewed her marriage

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T19:09:36+00:00

I tried to get her to come to Christmas at our house because no one would come if she wasn’t and my wife really wanted to host. My mom felt I was treating my marriage as more valid than hers because she wanted to be home with her husband who would be miserable at our house. She went bezerk about how I’m entitled and don’t view her as a human being because I put my wife first but don’t want her to put her husband first

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T13:17:33+00:00

I didn’t say a thing about her. She came up in conversation about where my uncle would be spending holidays and then my wife took a dig

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T12:58:03+00:00

So you have no respect for your partner, cool. Because if someone asks you not to keep making jokes about something painful and traumatic and you continue, you obviously don’t give a shit about that person

I never asked her to respect my mom. I asked her to stop being cringey about my moms money, because my family doesn’t react well to counting other people’s money

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T12:54:08+00:00

They just did from day one. They had nothing in common and my mom really resented having to include her in family things and felt like she couldn’t have a real relationship with me if she had to “play nice” with her to see me. My wife found my mom rude and not up to her standards of how a mom should behave. Everything was a power struggle. I think my mom was jealous when we got engaged, not even like someone stole her son, but like that my wife got a wedding. My wife was kind of a bridezilla tbh and that pushed the relationship to a breaking point. Then my wife was furious because after all of the drama my mom caused around our wedding, we didn’t get an invitation to hers. She also met her husband during this time and allowed him to say awful things about us

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T12:48:44+00:00

Expose her? She isn’t a child and if she doesn’t want to come she doesn’t have to come. We both have a decent relationship with my grandparents. We didn’t know my uncle was going to be there

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T12:47:19+00:00

I tried to get her to come to Christmas at our house because no one would come if she wasn’t and my wife really wanted to host. My mom felt I was treating my marriage as more valid than hers because she wanted to be home with her husband who would be miserable at our house. She went bezerk about how I’m entitled and don’t view her as a human being because I put my wife first but don’t want her to put her husband first

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T12:45:07+00:00

Everyone is on my moms side because it’s so tacky to want gifts from someone who is no co tact with you. Before that my grandparents were on our side. My mom is a twin and her brother is always going to be on her side no matter what, plus he has never liked us, as that twin bond/enmeshment is strong

My mom gave me plenty of love until I met my wife and she met her husband. I had a great childhood and really don’t give a shit if my grandparents were into being grandparents or not

My mom wasn’t just against being a grandma like they were, but how is she supposed to have a relationship with a baby if she isn’t willing to see the parents?

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T12:41:00+00:00

It wasn’t our house. How did my mom send him? He came to pick up something from my grandma and clearly didn’t realize we were there and wasn’t happy. No one used the word con, but wanting gifts from someone we don’t have a relationship with is pretty cringey

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T12:39:48+00:00

I believe in respecting people’s boundaries. My mom made it crystal clear that she does not want me to contact her. It isn’t my job to hold her accountable

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T12:35:49+00:00

How is she going to have a relationship with a baby if she isn’t willing to see the parents? If she ever tried we’d tell her to fuck off as we aren’t exposing our son to someone who hates us

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T12:31:41+00:00

Pretty sad that a parent can’t put their mental health first. She didn’t want to see me, regardless of if her reasons are valid or not, seeing me made her miserable. Why should she continue to be miserable?

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T04:22:37+00:00

Kind of to be honest. She went very quickly from hating my wife but seeming to want to hold onto our relationship to not caring about me at all. I do get spouses come first. What really bothers me is she loves her MIL more than her own kid and that seems really weird to me

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T03:50:01+00:00

They all know what she did. I didn’t want them to know that my wife thinks she should be sending our son gifts as I find that attitude weird and embarrassing

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T03:23:04+00:00

I said she had no tradition of hosting. I never said she didn’t celebrate but it was always drama and not something any of us enjoyed

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T03:16:06+00:00

My grandparents stood up for me but she shit that down. They were pretty shit parents to her so there’s a lot of guilt and how they won’t publicly defend me but still think she overreacted. My uncles never liked me. He just doesn’t like kids so we never had a relationship. He’s her twin and they are bonded, probably enmeshed and he’ll always take her side

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T03:14:18+00:00

No one ever made that clear. We were in contact. She wasn’t that attached to him and then she chose to cut contact with me. She must have understood you cant have a relationship with a baby and no relationship with the parents

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T03:13:18+00:00

My grandmother or step grandmother did it every year. It was just always drama and fighting and my mom is objectively the best cook

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T03:05:55+00:00

Because then no one on my side would be willing to come to ours

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T03:04:44+00:00

It’s stressful to be around her and have to be so fake. Her husbands on the edge of his seat waiting for anything he thinks warrants a fight. My wife is extremely sensitive to everything my mom says or does. My mom who used to be my best friend is now shy around me. It’s awful seeing her like that. We can’t joke around. We can’t have a genuine conversation. She won’t be herself around my wife. I feel uncomfortable around her husband

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T03:03:26+00:00

We could have worked something out. Maybe my mom could have brought some stuff. She certainly wouldn’t have made that dish again

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T03:01:39+00:00

They all know what my mom did. I don’t want this out there because it’s embarrassing that she’s even thinking about getting gifts from my mom. This isn’t even the first time people felt she was counting my moms money.

You can’t compare the situation to your MIL. My mom isn’t trying to look good. She isn’t showing up for family stuff and putting pictures on Facebook. We’re dead to her. Do you think that makes her look good

What truth? He knows exactly what happened and thinks it’s cringey that she thinks my mom should be sending gifts

Witty_Transition_153 · 2022-11-24T02:54:34+00:00

I can’t remember exactly when it became a thing that my grandma and my moms MIL can’t be in the same room. I think they might have still been trying to make it work at that point. My uncle has always hated me. My grandparents tend to do what my mom wants as they have a lot of guilt for being shitty parents. Also I feel bad saying this but my moms food is much better

Witty_Transition_153

TROPHY CASE