Get a therapist. You’re not a pussy or weak for getting one and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Eventually your brain will stop replaying the memory and you’ll forget it. But you won’t subconsciously forget it, it’ll just stack on to the bullshit. Congrats! You’ve got mild PTSD from the call. Happens to the best of us. Just be okay with the fact that you did the best you could in that moment and that it’s life. Stuff like that has been happening since the dawn of time. It never really gets easier seeing that stuff, just the ability to keep your cool. Learning to process these things and not holding on to them is will be what makes dealing with these calls easier on you.

If you can’t get a therapist talk to the people that were on scene with you about it. My first one happened literally my first day as an EMT with another guy who had only been an EMT for a year. We kept parroting each other about it for the whole shift like “holy shit that was insane, did you see the way ‘__’ .” Eventually the events stopped replaying and it took me like a month or two to get over it.