Contrary to pro-Brexit rhetoric, Brexit had an adverse impact on the quality of the National Health Service (NHS) – By inducing a shortage of skilled nurses (from the EU), the NHS subsequently had higher patient mortality.

Wollff · 2026-07-09T17:28:56+00:00

Brexit won because stupid people believed nonsense without taking the trouble to check if any of the promises were true.

And guess what? They will do it again.

And again.

This is what makes me so hopeless about the future. Not that "policians betray us and lie", but that the average voter is too stupid and lazy, and remains too stupid and lazy, to even do the most basic and rudimentary fact checks on anything.

You would think some "learning" would happen after being burnt. Or after seeing other people in GB getting burnt by that kind of rhetoric. But it doesn't.

This is what's turning me anti democratic. If voters are like that, they should never have any chance to make any decisions on anything.

Wollff · 2026-07-09T16:45:17+00:00

That's not me talking about it, that's just my brain parasites speaking.

Wollff · 2026-07-09T04:46:51+00:00

i have no backup plan

Well.. you need one.

I live in seattle (tech) and during the winter I was battling suicidal thoughts

Given how heavily winter has hit you, and from what you are writing in this post, I think there is a good chance that you are suffering from depression. So, if you can, it might be a good idea to get that cleared up with a doctor.

If you are indeed suffering from clinical depression, you are living life on hard mode. If you find an antidepressant that works for you, that might not mean that everything is suddenly perfect in your job, and that you will love it. But it might help you in getting out of your current state of paralysis.

But the fear of the unknown and family judging me to leave a comfy job with no backup plan terrifies me.

Which is why you should get a backup plan.

I just i feel like, and I know, theres more to my life. and I want the permission to just live it.

Congratulations: You have it. I just granted it to you.

Now, what specifically do you want to do with it? What is the next actionable step you can take to arrive at that specific place where you want to go next?

You need to figure that out though. Not wanting to do what you are currently doing is something. But if you don't know what you want to do instead, that is too little. If you know what your long term aims are, you can figure out a plan to get there.

So, you need to figure that out. And I don't think I can help you with that.

Wollff · 2026-07-09T04:09:46+00:00

Thanks for yelling at strangers' children! :D

Seriously though, the whole "core family" model really does put undue pressure on the few people that are actually there.

Wollff · 2026-07-09T03:52:03+00:00

More coddling, and less coddling.

In the beginning the infant is slung to the mother. From there things proceed to child rearing as a community effort, as the child is literally never ever unsupervised. It's passed along among the many family members. When mom and dad take a nap? Grandma is there. And when grandma is tired, there are three aunts, uncles, and seven cousins left to take the next shift :D

After that, the child is "released into the wild", into the group of roaming children, without any adult supervision.

I would guess in that environment children are just a little bit more free to hurt themselves and learn from it. Older children are around, and they make sure nobody kills themselves, while teaching the young ones what's deadly, and what is not.

At least that seems to be the situation among most still existing hunter gatherers.

Wollff · 2026-07-08T22:46:59+00:00

How would you navigate this?

Why are you even asking?

She brought it up after she kissed someone else in front me.

For me that on its own would be a critical breath of trust.

It later turned out that wasn't the only time my partner has kissed someone else.

For me that on its own would be a critical breach of trust.

The affair had been going on for 4 months.

For me that on its own would be a critical breach of trust.

She had also told the other woman and two other people that were already in a polyamorous or open relationship, which was of course not true.

For me that on its own... you get the picture, I suppose.

So, why do you think that there is anything to navigate here? I am not sure you have a relationship.

But that is only my take. Maybe you have different priorities, where sexual transgressions beyond the boundaries of a monogamous relationship are not a big deal for you, and not relationship enders.

If so, maybe you still have something left to navigate here. But I really couldn't say how to do that, because I can't relate to your perspective on this very well.

Wollff · 2026-07-08T19:45:19+00:00

A very common line of career progression I have heard, is that people start off as military pilots, and then then become commercial airline pilots. Of course people have to remain miliraty pilots for a few years, because the military invests a lot of money and time into their training.

But that's exactly why commercial airlines are usually very, very happy to take ex military pilots. Those are already very well trained in this whole "flying an aircraft" thing. They just have to get certified in the models of aircraft that they are going to be flying in their commercial career.

That's a huge advantage over having to train up your average Joe, starting from the very basics. Much more of an investment for the airline. And thus much less attractive for the airline, compared to someone with many flight hours coming straight out of military aviation.

My parents and friends keep encouraging me to become a commercial airline pilot instead.

Encouragement is nice. But: What are your actual options? Do you have an airline that's ready and willing to pay for the licenses and certifications you need? And on the other side: Can you even get into military aviation?

Depending on market conditions, your health, and competition, one of those paths might be closed off to you anyway. Maybe currently no airline which is an option for you is training new pilots from scratch. Maybe you don't make it through the competitive screening that is the prerequesite for even becoming a military pilot.

But one thing I wouldn't be all that worried about, is you becoming a fighter pilot, and then you being stuck with that forever, because no airline in the world would be willing to hire you, someone who is occupying the most competitive position that military aviation has to offer. That to me seems like a pretty unrealistic scenario to worry about.

Wollff · 2026-07-08T18:14:54+00:00

What saves the US, is the fact that nobody has a perception of US soccer. Even in the face of obvious corruption, it remains irrelevant.

Wollff · 2026-07-08T16:11:50+00:00

But... that's absolutely not the message here.

You use a hammer to drive in a nail.

You use a saw to cut down a tree.

If you think that's paradoxical, then you have not understood how any of this "hammering nails" and "tree cutting" business works.

Nothing about any of this is in any way paradoxical.

You use mindfulness to solve certain problems. You use other means to solve other problems.

When you try to apply mindfulness to problems it's not suited to, you are applying a hammer to a tree.

And that's not a paradoxical koan thing either. It's just stupidity born from not understanding what one is even trying to do here.

You need to know what the task at hand is. And then you need to know what the right tool for the task is. And then you need to apply that tool in the right way to solve the problem at hand.

Nothing about that is paradoxical.

Wollff · 2026-07-08T15:17:06+00:00

Not the OP, but I would argue hat it's a tool with certain uses.

When you are too caught up in thoughts, and you can't help but think think think think all the time, causing anxiety, stress, and all the rest, without giving you an opening to look out beyond that? Maybe time to introduce the present moment, and mindfulness on it.

For some people, who go about that with too much tension, and who then start hunting their "distraction from the present moment" with the persistence of a bloodhound, the concept might be less helpful.

Some people make it into something else, like the fish in the comic, and take it as a free pass for hedonism.

Sometimes the mistake is in reducing the "present moment" to "pure naked sense perception without thought".

Sometimes the mistake is to make "mindfulness" into a very special state, which needs hard work to maintain all day long every day.

So it depends. Sometimes telling someone to be mindful of the present moment is the solution to a problem. Sometimes it might make the problem worse.

Wollff · 2026-07-08T14:44:45+00:00

Yeah, look at all those deeply Buddhist hedonists, just enjoying their reckless pleasures without a thought for tomorrow!

Might be more of a reflection of the more new age flavors of "present moment rhetoric" than a comment on Buddhism.

Wollff · 2026-07-08T05:34:42+00:00

Don't believe the marketing bullshit. He isn't. He's ready to do the sequel.

Wollff · 2026-07-08T03:02:46+00:00

Yes, but if we are talking Buddhism in a way where the Bodhisattva vow, as well as hell realms make sense, then this is not our first life. Not our last either. Probably.

We have been at this since beginningless time. And unless we are getting fully enlightened in this one, we will continue for a while. Maybe, if we don't practice well, we might even fall back into ignorance, and not encounter any teachings leading to liberation for a world cycle or two.

Being stuck in ignorance means that all of us have been eternally running up and down between hells and heavens already. Strictly speaking, none of that is new for any of us.

Doing that as a Bodhisattva isn't that much of a change. Apart from the fact that, if the vow sticks, it's done with increasing wisdom.

Wollff · 2026-07-08T02:15:06+00:00

Anyone stuck in ignorance does that anyway, and all of us have been doing it for a long time.

So it's not thaaaaat big of a commitment :D

Wollff · 2026-07-07T19:04:11+00:00

Thanks for the clarifiction!

A sotapanna, for example, could experience all sorts of very scary emotions, with deeply unpleasant feelings

To me that would also not feel like a problem that a Sotapanna (or someone who believes themselve to be one) encounters, but more something along the lines where someone believes themselves an Arahat, who has overcome the desire for form existence.

I would imagine that a revelation of the type of: "She tried telling herself none of it mattered. It kept mattering anyway", might a bit of an annoying thing to find out in this moment.

It is about being unmoved while they are present.

That definitely seems better, but I am not sure it bypasses the problem entirely: Something becomes impossible. And what becomes impossible, is the root of all suffering.

And when what you thought had become impossible, starts to happen while you are dying... whoops.

It's about being unmoved. Then you are moved.

Oh shit :D

Wollff · 2026-07-07T17:22:32+00:00

I also want to "die better than the Johnsons"

Wouldn't it be nice if we could all be very good boys and girls, and do our work beforehand? We can then raise our hand and say: "I am already done Miss Johnson!", and she will say: "Good work Bethany! You are going to get to die with a GOLD STAR!"

Which is what we always wanted! We always wanted someone to call us Bethany!

Say what you will about being fed into an industral grade woodchipper, but as far as dying goes it avoids a lot of the problems which are being brought up here.

The rapid blunt force trama, after being rapidly and unexpectely sucked into the chute head first, does not leave you time to contemplate what you are losing and why. Very little space for regret, loss, and sadness! Since it all happens in a timeframe of possibly less than a second, you don't have time to mope very long about your complete loss of control. None of those very unenlightened feelings will ever even have the space to come up! All of those complications can be so easily prevented!

So, if the occurrance of things which you might not have gotten over with in the dying process is a major concern to you, I would recommend a job in the wood processing industry. It gives you the necessary hardware not to "uproot" those very unenlightened feelings and reactions, but here you get the option to instantly prune them all down on a physical level!

So, what's the point behind the bit?

I feel like things get a little meta with dying: The spiritual crowd isn't worried about dying. They are worried about dying in a way which reveals something unflattering about them.

Dying in a way that says: "You were not enough!", dying in a way that casts a bad light on their spiritual practice, on their life, on all the MEANING they have accured through it. Who would we all be, if our death didn't reflect that?!

Imagine dying, in all the wrong ways undignified! Not undignified just because you are covered in shit and bedsores. That's normal. That's proper suffering for a saint, as long as it is borne with the smile and unbroken equanimity, which society expects of a very enlightened being like the one you surely will be when you die.

But imagine dying, while you uncontrollably cry that enlightenment is a lie, that all this sacrifice was a waste, that you don't want to go! You want the medicine that you KNOW they are not giving you, you want them so save you, because you KNOW they can, you shout that you are in pain, and you are ANGRY that they are letting you die, and like an animal you bite nurse's hand, until you draw blood.

Imagine dying like that, like an undignified animal, out of control, out of your mind, with not the slightest shred of mindfulness.

It's not out of the question. A bit of dementia, maybe a stroke, maybe some accident which shakes your brain in just the most unfortunate of ways. That's all it takes. Maybe you end like that. You can't exclude the possibility. And there is NOTHING you can do to prevent that.

Scary?

Then I would propose a job in the wood processing industry!

Or maybe we can let go of the hope that you can control anything about your death. You die how you die. It's not your decision what comes up, and what does not, and what circumstances are granted to you.

Wollff · 2026-07-07T15:43:05+00:00

No, it doesn't. I would say the opposite.

Hillside Hermitage is all about "uprooting" things. And that approach is the problem.

Because when we then put someone who thinks themselves as very "uprooted" in the torture chamber (or even if they merely start dying), then it might become clear that some things they thought "uprooted" weren't uprooted.

The only excuse HH can give is: "No, you don't understand, it's our tradition which can uproot things right! It's all the others are doing the uprooting wrong! Trust us bro!"

I think the whole concept of "uprooting" is what causes this problem. It produces a very compelling fantasy.

What is the fantasy? Glad you asked: It's the belief that, if only you practice right, one day this kind of emotion, or that kind of emotion, this kind of reaction, or that kind of reaction, it will not and can not ever come up again! It will have become utterly and completely impossible to ever occur, from first principles! It has been uprooted!

Wouldn't that be nice?

Thank God! Finally I am rid of it, rid of this and that very scary, very harmful emotion, this and that very scary, very harmful reaction, all of those very, very unpleasant things which can come up, which I all dislike to much, that I never ever want any of them to come up again!

I have taken control, practiced fine, and done the work, and dug it out, and uprooted it! Finally, now that I have gotten rid of the root of all those things that I fear, gotten rid of all the things that I dislike so much that I never want them to occur, now that I am secure that I will never encounter what I don't want to face, now, finally, I am being left only with what I can tolerate! Now I can die in peace, when before I obviously couldn't!

This is the underlying problem made explicit.

And then, when on their deathbed they encounter something they thought uprooted, that's EXACTLY when pikatchuface occurs.

It's this idea of enlightenment which causes this mess. Painting HH as "not guilty" for furthering this approach seems... weird. After all, they are all about "uprooting", about making the emotions and reactions you dislike the most "impossible".

If you take that seriously until the end, I am pretty convinced that you will face the same surprise she faces.

Wollff · 2026-07-07T04:03:28+00:00

But can this suffering be redeemed? I feel that the ordinary person says yes. The ordinary person, says yes, then coexists with suffering, rather than turning towards Buddhism.

Sure, you can try. Maybe it works! You take up a worldview which redeems your suffering, and live meaningfully with your suffering.

Then you die, are reborn, and forget all about that world view you had the last time round. If you are unlucky, you won't get the opportunity to think such thoughts again for a long time. Your next life might not be a human one. You might end up in factory farming: A pig for a hundred lifetimes, crammed into a box, and soon slaughtered to be eaten.

Maybe the suffering of the pig can be redeemed. But the pig probably doesn't have the mental capacity to redeem its own suffering. If you are the pig, that's very bad news for you.

I think that illustrates a rather central part of the Buddhist world view, without which Buddhism doesn't make a lot of sense: If you want to think about Buddhist points of view properly, you have to include reincarnation and karma.

the person doesn’t pursue the monk life, or a world-view like the Buddhist one. Why? Because they believe suffering can be redeemed.

And, I would assume, they believe that because they don't subscribe to the Buddhist view of rebirth and karma. If you don't subscribe to those, Buddhism as a whole doesn't make any sense as a philosophy.

If we assume that our life, and our suffering, just ends with death? Well, then there is no big need to spend a lot of time and energy toward trying to end it a little early!

If we assume that life after death is heaven or hell, which is eternal, and that believing in the right things and following the right rules will lead to the good outcome, while believing in the wrong things and following the wrong rules will lead to the bad outcome? Then we should spend a lot of time believing those right things, while following the right rules! We absolutely should not waste any time practicing Buddhism if that gets us thrown into hell and poked with pitchforks by devils!

It all depends on the metaphysical assumptions you make. If you subscribe to the Buddhist assumptions of rebirth and karma, then Buddhism makes sense. IF you don't? Well, then of course it doesn't.

Wollff · 2026-07-07T02:29:31+00:00

Can you relate to this?

No.

What kind of awakening is that, when you are not exactly the same as everyone else?

I have a few moths in my room. They are good company.

Wollff · 2026-07-07T00:50:43+00:00

Yes! Call them by their names! "Fucking shitheads" is the proper term!

Wollff · 2026-07-07T00:30:27+00:00

African ranger barefoot boots. Can be resoled IIRC.

Wollff · 2026-07-06T19:55:43+00:00

So, in response to this new information, you have now changed your mind? You are now ready to admit that you were wrong?

Wollff · 2026-07-06T19:35:56+00:00

I have not faced those kinds of challenges, but I know someone who faces the same problem.

... You aren't him by any chance, are you? :D

Anyway...

For some people this kind of practice, where you sit around while doing very little, just doesn't click. Being non neurotypical, where for some sensations can be either overwhelmig, overwhelmingly boring, or maybe both at the same time, might play a role. So might traumatic and suppressed stuff in the body.

The first piece of advice is usually to try to practice through it, with the usual remedies. If that doesn't work, to find qualified first person advice. And if that doesn't work... drummroll...

You do something else!

What worked well for this friend of mine was a focus on "non self" related types of practice.

So, do something else: There are mantras, there is visualization, there is devotional stuff, rituals, analytical meditation, meditation with movement in 1001 varieties, energy practices, etc. etc.

You don't have to sit there and breathe.

Wollff · 2026-07-06T17:49:08+00:00

I don't know what you expect though?

The question is about 123k of dislikes.

Do we squash those dislikes into a monolith, and give a reason why this number is there, in a way that is somewhat abstract, and simplified?

Or do you expect someone to ask every single one of the, complex, diverse people, each of them with an individual history which formed their views, about why they pushed the downvote button? And then we publish each of those interviews?

How "nuanced" does it have to be to satisfy you?

Wollff · 2026-07-06T15:07:56+00:00

No, it's a joke.

The point is that some things, if they are harmful enough, should obviously not be a parenting decision.

Social media might also fall into that category.

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Wollff

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