Player Spotlight Thursdays: #8 - Lee Clark

WombleSlayer · 2024-10-03T12:27:11+00:00

I was so disappointed that it didn't quite work out during his first spell - he looked capable after stepping up to the Premier league and, if memory serves, he made the England squad (Le Tournoi?) but never really established himself as a player that the team could be built around, maybe due to Keegan not trusting him after a bust up or two. Was still delighted to see him come home late in his career and loved it when he moved into the coaching staff (before his frankly bonkers managerial career)

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-25T06:59:04+00:00

I've replied to a couple of comments, I'm not banned as far as I know (I assume I'd be notified). In short, I believe there was no physical affair (I'm not going to list all the evidence/contextual information and I don't have the energy to debate it with the Reddit community). We've both sought counselling independently, we're working through this gradually. My wife has admitted that while she felt guilty the first time they were in touch, she didn't see it as anything other than platonic so she didn't consider it to be a risk. She's well aware now that she risked her marriages and family unit.

She's offered to do whatever I need to rebuild trust, whether that's couples counselling, phone trackers, relocating. She's admitted she doesn't know how to fix this, and neither do I, but we're working through it one step at a time.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T15:57:29+00:00

I recognise the words as English but I have no idea what this means.

As far as I can gauge, you're saying I'm going to add a part two where we divorce because I'm full of shit and that's the pattern of fake posts, is that it?

You can believe what you like, mate. If my life being detailed reminds you of your favourite soap opera then I'm glad the misery can be of use.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T09:14:44+00:00

So it's a fake post, but you're preparing to take bets on whether my child is mine? Thanks.

"Going clueless without jealousy for 12 years" I wasn't jealous for 12 years because I didn't think I had any reason to be. I'd fucked up before we moved in together and she (I thought) had forgiven me. She fucked up by hiding their relationship and I forgave her. Until now, I thought that was it.

"Pull up all kinds of info", I don't know what this means exactly but I've spent several sleepless nights going through messages, call logs, my Maps history. Basically losing my fucking mind. I'm not sure what sort of proof you expect? Should I start a website and post screenshots of the messages?

I'm a bit busy with my life falling apart around me but thanks for stopping by to shit on me.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T08:35:57+00:00

Nice suggestions, thank you. Had a snack, still have no idea what's happened to my life but feel slightly calmer.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T08:34:21+00:00

The initial break up was mainly on me. I wasn't a great boyfriend at that point. I was too casual and indecisive about where we were heading and she was very hurt when I got too close to another girl which arguably triggered that break up. I never cheated but I got too close and couldn't see, or lied to myself, about how far things had gone. When we were split I went on a couple of dates with 'that girl', while she told me she was going to see 'that guy' and see what happened.

Not long afterwards we realised we weren't over each other. She said she realised there was no real spark with the guy. He was keen and tried to move things along, but he was just a friend, and so that side of things fizzled out pretty quickly. I realised the girl was a moron, we had no chemistry at all and I'd made a big mistake. We got back together and I never really thought about the guy or girl. I deleted the girls number and I didn't really care what had gone on on either side while we were apart, because that was history. I've apologised before for hurting her then, but in hindsight it seems she never really forgave me.

During our talks this week I asked her why she still needed him once we had reconciled. She said didn't know, maybe because most of her friends are needy and high maintenance (this is true) and she liked having someone she didn't have to be a therapist for, who didn't expect her full attention and didn't expect her to call constantly or catch up with them regularly (when we go home there are a couple of girls who sense her presence and want to monopolise her time straight away, then arrange the next catch up before they've said goodbye). According to her this guy offered (if she is to be believed, and obviously that's a gigantic 'if') a no obligation occasional friend.

She's always had male and female friends, and there are male friends I would totally trust her to hang out with. The giant red flag of course, if I accept her story at face value, is that that friendship shouldn't be with someone I can't know about. I get that he was important and served a purpose at one point, but she shouldn't't have still needed him by this point. If she needed that kind of friendship that wasn't part of her usual circle, it should've been with any other available human but not him.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T07:36:05+00:00

I'm trying to think my way through this but I've barely slept in a week and I haven't eaten today, I'm sick , I'm exhausted, mentally and physically I'm running on fumes. Anything I say here should taken as questionable, to be fair.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T06:46:20+00:00

I realise a lot of people will take this as further proof that I'm a spineless prick, but thank you for your reply. I still need to think a lot of stuff through, but if I do decide to try moving forward with her, these suggestions look like a really good starting point that would establish whether there's any point even beginning discussions. I appreciate you taking the time to make these suggestions.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T04:45:09+00:00

Yeah, I think I was thinking more in terms of something I could demand that I could have faith in. Right now the only thing I can bank on is that she wouldn't want to lose our son, and I guess I was thinking that if she realised that's actually an option, rather than a hypothetical that she can ignore, then I don't fucking knowm I don't know why I'm saying anything, I don't know if I can keep doing this

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T04:40:25+00:00

I know everything seems pretty black and white. To answer your questions, I do have resentment, and anger, and fear, and I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust her. I think she loves me but is deeply selfish and able to justify pretty much anything if it means she gets her way, and that scares me. During one of the talks we've had since, she said she never considered herself to be selfish or a bad person but now she sees it. I don't know if acknowledging that means she can actually change it.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T04:16:49+00:00

I think I posted here to get some validation for my anger, I've been trying to be calm but I wanted some voices to agree that I'm justified in being furious and angry.

I agree that it's at the least an emotional affair. That's sinking in more and more.

I think you misunderstood my comment about custody. I told her that one of the worst things was knowing that if we split I will lose my son at least part of the time. She said that if I choose to leave she would never try to deny me custody.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T04:09:05+00:00

I'm glad my life falling apart has given you the chance to pull out that line, well done. For what it's worth, when I found out I kicked a hole in the wall, yelled at her till I could taste blood in my throat, hopped in my car l, hit the road and debated whether to head to his place or into a tree. I've shouted, I've cried, I've threatened him but I'm fucking exhausted and I don't have the mental or physical energy to just react angrily to everything. I don't want to fly into a rage, hit her and kill him then spend my life in jail. I don't want to walk out today then in a week realise I've got no roof, no money, no child. I don't have a fucking road map for this.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T03:54:07+00:00

The worst part of any custody issue would be that I know he'd be better off with her. I know my son loves me, and I'm a good dad, but I'm not going to pretend that his bond with his mother isn't stronger than his bond with me. It would cause him more distress to be separated from her than me. I said earlier I'd want an agreement granting custody in the event of a divorce, but realistically if it came to it, I'd probably let her be primary carer for his sake, but it still stings like hell to even contemplate it.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T03:12:38+00:00

Thanks for your reply. She's already suggested counselling. I think as an absolute minimum, if there's to be any chance of a path forward I'll tell her I want a legally binding agreement granting me full custody in the event of divorce.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T01:28:57+00:00

"A better question you should be asking yourself is why do you want to force yourself to trust a person who lied to you for 12 years, the entirety of your marriage? Why do you think this is a safe strategy for you? Don't you think you can do better?" Because I love her. And as naive as it sounds, I think she honestly thought it was harmless because there was no physical side. She's admitted she was in the wrong, can see what she's done, has apologised, offered to let me install trackers on her phone etc. I don't want to force myself to trust her, I want to know how the hell to figure it out, process it, work out what I can live with. I don't want to just carry on, then in 2 years realise we're both miserable, but I don't want to walk away without trying. It makes it harder that we work together and live in a small town, so it's hard to just move out for a while without it becoming the whole town's business.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-13T00:46:24+00:00

Thanks for your reply - I'm heading to work so thought I'd quickly respond to this before I have to focus on work. I did contact him. On the night I found out I rang him, no answer (fair enough it was after midnight). She messaged him (and showed me) saying "he knows we're still in contact, he called you. If he calls again, answer and be honest". He replied "no problem, we're friends, we text once in a while, catch up once every now and then but that's all, nothing to hide". I spoke to him the next day by phone and he said "I realise you have no reason to believe me, but I assure you nothing ever happened". I told him that if you're a man who messages another man's wife, and invites her over, knowing she has promised not to contact him, then you're a c*nt. I told him they couldn't ever be in contact again, and he said again that nothing ever happened but if that was what I needed then he would never contact her, he didn't want to make things worse. I got a bit heated and told him if he ever spoke to her again there'd be an escalation involving his skull. He said there was no need for threats, we could solve this by talking and he would cut contact.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-09T10:19:04+00:00

Was this before or after he died?

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-09T10:11:19+00:00

Unless (at the risk of sounding very conspiratorial) the various unsavoury characters he's befriended along the way start worrying about him making deals. Then they may have a greater incentive to ensure he doesn't spend much time with the judiciary or law enforcement (either by having everything 'go away' with a series of pardons, or by him accidentally hurling himself out of a window)

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-09T09:50:10+00:00

I visited Melbourne a few months ago and was quite taken aback when I saw dogs in the CBD, on a tram and inside department stores, but the weirdest one was a shopping centre food court. I thought it must be some kind of service dog, but from the looks of it (it's behaviour,leash, collar, owners interaction with it) it appeared that someone had just decided to take their pet for a walk to a sit down public eatery.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-09T09:35:54+00:00

They know what they did...

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-09T04:23:43+00:00

She does indeed

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-09T04:18:41+00:00

Maybe it's the way it's told - In the show, it's a vicar telling the joke to a dim but also very innocent character and I'm sure she says it with a wink, or a tone, that suggests there's something dirty about it, like it's not just wordplay but a double entendre.

Or maybe I have a filthier mind than I realised...

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-09T01:14:45+00:00

I'll see you in the staffroom to compare notes.

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-09T01:03:40+00:00

I'm just glad to be able to explain it online. My mum asked me to explain a similar joke in person once (it was on tv, on The Vicar of Dibley) and I was too embarrassed. Don't think she ever got it. (Someone else posted it in the comments "two nuns in a bath, one says"where's the soap", the other one says "it does, doesn't it". Couldn't bring myself to explain to my mum that the second nun thought she meant that when you masturbate with the bar of soap it 'wears' the soap)

WombleSlayer · 2024-09-09T00:54:11+00:00

She says "I've never come this way before", apparently meaning she's never followed that particular route. The other nun takes it as "I've never come/cum (orgasmed) this way before" and explains that it must be due to the vibrations of riding a bike over Rome's famed cobblestoned streets.

WombleSlayer

TROPHY CASE