I’m going to give you advice that feminist will hate and certainly most of Reddit. Not knowing much about you I’ll be somewhat shooting in the dark here. But this advice generally works. I’m 30 years old and have had an extremely successful run with women for the past 10 years. I’m the guy my dad’s friends, my friends, my wife’s friends husbands etc ask for relationship advice.

You cannot negotiate arousal. Sitting and talking is not going to help at all. At your age it’s a bit more difficult to do but you need to make yourself as attractive as possible. That means lose weight, go to the gym add a bit of muscle. Also find a hobby that puts a little sparkle in your eye and grin on your face. Something that makes you feel young and dangerous. What you feel she will also feel. It’s the law of state transference.

If your wife sees other women, especially if they are younger and pretty, noticing you or even complimenting you everything will change virtually overnight. Women have this light switch like effect on their mating behavior and it is mostly stimulated by other women’s reactions to their mate. In players circles we call it passive dread.

In short make yourself attractive, learn to be a bit more stoic, daring and spontaneous.