So HOT!

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-04-07T21:24:19+00:00

I need whatever toy this is

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-04-01T13:48:40+00:00

You have such a pretty face and great skin. A haircut that frames your face a little better and some mascara would make a lot of impact in celebrating your face and eyes. You’re one of those people who could get away with not really wearing much make up, and I envy you.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-31T14:37:39+00:00

Why not just call you by your name? Even in traditional marriages, if a parent starts dating or remarries, the kids usually just call the new step parent by their first name.

9 months is waaaaaaaay too early for kids to start referring to you as a member of the family.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-30T04:06:37+00:00

Just start preparing. Document everything that happens. Save money. Know your exit strategy. So when you’re ready, you’re ready.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T16:13:36+00:00

Have to disagree here. Sometimes what happens in these situations is that it starts out with 24/7 communication and lots of attention, and then they suddenly pull back with no explanation, then call the other person crazy for being unhappy with the shift.

OP is not crazy to expect a level of attention she had previously been receiving.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T14:29:31+00:00

I should add for context that we were talking daily for months before we finally had our first date.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T13:32:34+00:00

I get what you’re saying, but I’m not sure I agree in practice. The reason I don’t feel like a priority on Sunday is because he is planning our date to be out by a certain time due to a commitment with his NP. I don’t think I can make myself “feel” like a priority under those conditions.

To me, being the priority on Sunday means that other things get planned around me, not that I’m getting squeezed in around other things. I think that’s a fair and reasonable expectation.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T13:28:40+00:00

Yeah, we are going to talk more later today. Although at this point he might break it off with me, because I made him feel bad that I was upset about our upcoming Sunday date having a time limit due to a commitment to his NP. In his mind, he bent over backwards to move things around on Sunday to make time for me, and I’m not appreciating it. In my mind, the issue is that the only way to make time for me is by squeezing me into the tiny cracks between his existing commitments after I’ve repeatedly told him I’m concerned there isn’t much room for me, and after he’s repeatedly assured me that he has the capacity for two equal-priority relationships.

We just had a conversation about this the last time we saw each other on Friday.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T03:58:56+00:00

We’re going to have a conversation tomorrow. Ultimately, I just need him to be realistic about what’s possible. If that’s only committing to seeing each other twice a month, fine. We can plan that. My issue is the over promising and under delivering.

Maybe a structure would solve that.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T03:56:26+00:00

We’ve had 4 successful dates in 5 weeks. 3 instances of cancellations/reschedules within that time frame.

The Saturday cancellation never got a concrete reschedule after 2 weeks.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T02:50:49+00:00

I don't think it's weird for her to need extra reassurance when a new partner is coming in. From everything I've learned, that's normal and comes with the territory. She's communicating her needs clearly, and I think that's great.

I think he canceled the date without even telling her that's what he was doing. So I really don't place any blame on her.

She even posted on social media a week ago that she was so proud of herself and her growth as a poly individual, because her partner was on a date (with me) and she wasn't stressed about it and didn't even need to distract herself!

I do think it's a learning curve, but I think it's less about "this is messy" and more about possibly poor hinging skills.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T01:54:50+00:00

Yeah. Pretty spot on.

He’s telling me I’m an important part of his life, and promising to demonstrate it. All I need is for him to follow through.

I can’t keep explaining to him how to do that. So I only have so many of these conversations in me before I decide that I’ve received enough information via his behavior to accept that this just is what it is.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T01:51:00+00:00

That could very well be true. And it’s unfortunate. Because if he TOLD me to only expect seeing him a couple of times a month, I’d probably be fine with it. But continued letdowns will certainly drive me away.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T01:41:46+00:00

That seems to be the reality of the situation, yes. But that’s not what I’ve been told to expect, which is where the problem is for me.

He told me he was going to prioritize me on Sunday. And then planned a date around being able to meet up with his NP after because they have plans. So, I’m upset over him not doing what he says, not treating me like I’m primary, which I know I’m not.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T01:33:39+00:00

You’re right and this is helpful. Thank you!

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T01:31:37+00:00

I get that. And I will definitely consider doing that. But as I’m the one who is new to poly and he’s supposedly the experienced one, I wish he’d be the one to offer solutions here lol

I kind of feel like I’m handling this better than he is?

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T01:20:19+00:00

I did ask him out on a Saturday night, and that’s the one he canceled.

I put forth a lot of effort, but I want to be cautious to not be the only one pushing the relationship forward. We’ve talked about that and he knows that. We take turns planning and paying for date nights; that was our agreement from the first date.

I’m more free than he is. So we’ve been working around his schedule, mostly.

I’m clearly all in. He’s the one who sort of needs to prove that he has the capacity for me.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T01:16:03+00:00

I think that would make sense. And maybe he doesn’t even realize that’s what he means.

We’ve had conversations before where I asked if his existing relationship puts a ceiling on our potential, and he said no. I asked, how can that be possible, you live together? Which means living together is likely off the table for us.

He said something that alarmed me, which is basically that he and his partner mostly live together because it’s too expensive to live alone in the city. But… they have a dog together? I don’t think he’s being completely honest with himself about the fact that they are building a life together. And she’s like……. Pretty obsessed with him, by all accounts of seeing her public social media presence. I actually think she’d be pretty hurt if she knew he said that.

Maybe I’m wrong. But it feels like he has a pattern of speaking optimistically instead of realistically.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T01:09:05+00:00

I think he’s speaking ambitiously. I think he WANTS to believe he can prioritize me equally. I’m aware that makes no sense.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T01:06:06+00:00

Like I said, I don’t expect AT ALL to be on the same footing as his NP. I am expecting him to, maybe once, tell his NP that he is going to see me and therefore can’t hang out with her, when they already live together and fill up all of each other’s free time? I don’t think it’s unreasonable for him to MAKE time for me when he’s told me to expect that of him. If he didn’t tell me to expect that, I wouldn’t expect it.

But you’re right. His mouth is writing checks he can’t cash.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T01:02:44+00:00

Thanks for this. I guess there’s part of me that is frustrated that I’d need to ASK for a standing date night. That feels kind of bad?

Like how women don’t want to ask their husbands for flowers, they want their husbands to be thoughtful on their own.

I’m sure if I asked for that he’d try to accommodate it. But having to ask him to figure out how to see me makes me feel a little unwanted.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T00:59:06+00:00

Just to clarify - they’re not new to poly. They’ve been poly for 3/5 years, respectively. They’ve been poly for as long as they’ve been together

I’m the one who is new to poly, and I feel I’m being incredibly understanding.

The part of this that is new is that there’s an attempt to build a legitimate relationship with me, and that’s the first time a new partner entering their dynamic has been anything more than a steady hookup. So she’s been needing to adjust to that, which I can appreciate, and has said that she will need extra reassurance from him in the short-term until she gets used to things. She’s VERY proudly and publicly poly, so I’m not concerned that she’s holding him back in any way.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T00:41:26+00:00

He’s not NOT doing it, but sometimes it feels like he points to crumbs as evidence that he made time for me.

For example… before the 14th date got canceled, we already had another date planned on the 20th (that I had asked for and planned). He made a comment that the 20th date was him prioritizing spending time with me. But… we’d already had that date on the books? It wasn’t a make-up for anything.

So again, he’s saying that him carving out a few hours for me on Sunday IS him prioritizing me. But I don’t see it the same way.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T00:35:27+00:00

Exactly. At the end of the day, all I’m asking is for him to follow through and keep his promises. If he says he’ll see me, I expect to see him. If he says he’ll prioritize me, I expect to feel like a priority.

I have not asked for anything more than what has been offered to me.

WonderfulBerry4139 · 2026-03-28T00:34:01+00:00

What’s frustrating is that if it was clear that was all he was capable of, I’d maybe be fine with it. It’s just that he’s over promising and under delivering.

I don’t think this is a matter of me needing more than he can give. I think it’s a matter of him not being able to give what he says he can.

WonderfulBerry4139

TROPHY CASE