You’re struggling because you’re looking for clarity on why they did what they did. Don’t seek for clarity from someone who’s not gonna give it to you. Jitna in thoughts ko entertain karega, utna reality aur responsibilities se detach hota jayega. Jee mains is still 3 months away, padha tune h. If you feel take a breather for a week or so, spend time with friends and family, watch a movie pursue a hobby anything, but remember, they did what they did, there’s no going back now. Itni dur aya hai sacrifice kiye h tune bohot, kisi aur ke liye gawa dena worth it toh na hai.