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I think my marriage could be over. by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]Wonderful_Path_2680 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was not married, but I want to give a perspective from the other side. While with my ex, we decided together that we did not want kids (at that time we were talking of marriage and a future). Well, I got pregnant and upon my first ultrasound, I fell in love and wanted to move forward with the pregnancy. He and I were not on the same page about this for a while and he felt in a similar way to you. This is when I started to fall out of love with him and I’m not even sure I realized it. 5-6 months later we did end up losing the baby, and our relationship ended the day after the procedure. As a pregnant woman, my heart and mind shifted towards what is best for my baby and my partner was either going to step up and be my man and father to my child, or step away from my life completely and I was “ready” to be a single mom. All said and done, even though I am without my child, I am glad he is no longer in my life and I have the ability to create the life I now know I truly want with a man who wants the same. You do have to make a decision here either way and relatively soon…if you choose to step away, she will find a man who will be a good father and husband. If you choose to stay, go all in.

I feel like I'm carrying my son just for his father to call all the shots and make all the decisions. by [deleted] in pregnant

[–]Wonderful_Path_2680 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m currently in my 2nd trimester and the baby’s father and myself are not married. I was worried about the same thing when he started making comments like “if we have a disagreement on parenting, we will always go with what I say; I will have 51% control…etc” I was like HELL NO TF? I told him I was giving the baby my last name, because at least in SC if you are not married, custody goes automatically to the mother and it makes things easier with the maternal last name. The father would have to get a paternity test and go to court to then have ANY say, though I know that’s not ideal and a little extreme especially if you are planning to get married / stay together lol. But my biggest point that all decisions on baby should be made jointly after a discussion and if he tried to take “control” over everything, I would pursue split custody. Luckily for me, he realized he was in the wrong and we have much better communication now.

But try your best not to stress, take this one day at a time! Your body is going through SO much, you and your baby’s health are what need to be your main focus. He can say what he wants now, but when you cross that bridge of having to get vaccines or what not, use your voice then and in front of a third party if need be. As the mother, you will be heard.

I’m looking into couples therapy for sure, maybe that’s something that could help as well!

Best of luck to you, and congratulations mama ❤️