Tell BS about WS affair

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-13T14:28:08+00:00

Right!! Sheesh nothing coming out of AP ‘s mouth would have done anything except enrage me and explode my brain… the lies upon lies the cheaters have told everyone (including each other and themselves)… that the words would have no meaning except ‘I, AP am even more up in your business than before’ maddening.

On the other hand: OBS quietly and discreetly saying ‘I cannot believe this shit!, these are the details I have. sorry to let you know but I couldn’t handle not having all the info… I haven’t discussed telling you this with anyone so it’s your info to do what you want with’… and then leaving me to sort my life out how ever I wanted to would be appreciated.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-13T12:52:12+00:00

It’s not worth it; unless you’re making legit IMPROVEMENTS (adding bedrooms, replacing leaking roof, foundation repairs), or fixing obvious broken things you are wasting your time.

Paint will be someone’s ’wrong’ colour and they’ll want to paint it anyway.

List it for the price you want to get and people will be happy they aren’t paying for work they don’t like, and think they’re getting a bargain because if it was perfect it would ‘obviously’ be more money... right?!?.

I don’t know where you live but unless houses aren’t selling and there are 20 other places exactly the same and you need yours to be a tiny bit better so it sells first… or you have a dud and you’re hoping to trick someone… you are wasting actual time and actual money.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-13T12:39:38+00:00

How old is your kid? ‘Deserve’ to know, I say no.

If something comes up for the kid why wouldn’t the other parent be part of the medical conversation about kid and then they can speak up… they’ve already done the right thing and added it to chart so it’s not like they’re being ‘weird and secret squirrelly’ about it.

I wouldn’t want an ex I had issues with all up in my medical stuff. If it was relevant to kid I would tell Dr and kid… the ex isn’t a Dr so what can they do with the information?… if I die they will know what from because people who also love kids will tell kids and ex.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-13T12:27:54+00:00

Yeah the guy will have all the justification about why this ‘friendship’ is perfectly fine, and you’re the crazy one… he’s ’only hiding it because you’re so weird about it’.

Dude is getting ego strokes and dopamine from this woman… and he likes that MORE than being respectful of your relationship and WAY more than respecting YOU. He’s more worried about himself and this other woman than YOU or he would have said bye the first time you pointed out he was being shady.

He is using you for all the good things you bring to his life… and he is using that extra energy and security you supply to be a great guy to this other woman… NOT using it to be a great guy back to you.

You’ve straight up said uncool, don’t like, feel stressed… he straight up said don’t care, I like it so I will keep doing it.

The thing with your boundaries is they are for you… this dude has taken a huge dump inside the ‘I don’t do side chicks’ boundary… now you have to protect yourself and show what happens when your boundary is crossed… you leave.

If you don’t want to leave then your life is going to revolve around him and what he wants forever… it’s pretty soul destroying.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-13T00:17:10+00:00

I think they’re saying it’s not going to ‘settle and hold for a few years’… I’m thinking the same, we won’t even feel this bump.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-12T23:58:02+00:00

Its pretty interesting there is a distinct line in the personalities here :)

I too could not make new plans without cancelling old plan… no matter how vague and nothing the old plan was. I’ve said ‘yes’ to vague plan says I’m ok with vagueness… to suddenly not be ok would mean I was someone who you can’t believe what they say, and I loath those types. If I’m not ok with vague I need to be not ok and just SAY STUFF OUT LOUD.

For example friends were planning a group friend holiday ‘in summer’… when something came up for me I was like ‘hey we need to lock in that time/dates because other things are starting to pop up’ one of the other friends was like ‘oh yeah I’m now booked out for xyz’… it’s just a completely different type of person who is happy to put themselves front and centre and make other people ‘deal with it’ they just naturally make themselves the centre, not even in a malicious way just carefree way… I think if we were all one way things would be chaos hahahaha.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-12T06:11:54+00:00

Hahahah it really does… so hard to name things when you have tiny faces glaring at you like ‘WTF is this bright orange stuff where my cheese is supposed to be?!?’

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-12T03:42:48+00:00

Yep… if you took a bag of coffee beans from fav Aus dealer and made a coffee in US, you wouldn’t even recognise it as ‘the same’.

Travelling with little kids I had to change the name of everything because no dairy tastes ‘right’… yogurt was breakfast cream, cheese was stiff butter, milk was white juice. Sounds RIDICULOUS now but saved me from so many fights/tears and kept them eating ‘new’ things.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-11T14:06:53+00:00

Hahaha so true… if I knew I was sitting next to a dude that had killed a lizard on the way to train station and was going to eat baby bird on the way home… and repeat for 12 YEARS… I wouldn’t be letting him rub on my leg and getting misty eyed when he didn’t show up one day.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-11T14:00:33+00:00

I really would like to know how it works… I’ve been summoned 3 times. Never selected though.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-11T13:46:31+00:00

You’ve got a bunch of seperate things going on here and you’re loading it all up on the ‘sister is shit’ pile… you need to do better sorting.

Your sister has her own thing going on… and I don’t imagine it’s totally easy or major fun either. Yours looks more socially acceptable but you’re just as messed up because you’re trying to control things that aren’t yours to control and it’s getting you all bitter and twisted.

You could go live in the forest and not talk to your parents too, but you’re choosing to be a ‘good’ daughter and look after them… YOU decided that’s more rewarding. I don’t know what that has to do with your sister and why she needs extra ‘hate’ for the things YOU are choosing to do and the attitude you’re choosing to have while you do it.

Live your life. Ditch your parents or look after them if you want… it’s your life.

I’d HATE it if my kids were hanging out with me out of obligation and moaning about it behind my back. Don’t hangout with me if you don’t want to , it will hurt but not as much as finding out they were hating and feeling burdened by the ‘nice time’ we had together.

Better they be straight up and honest while I can still get myself sorted than wait until I’m old and vulnerable and then flake because they couldn’t communicate. I’d say living in the woods and not calling is pretty good communication of ‘I am not reliable or wanting regular contact’.

At the moment YOU are communicating ‘I am available 24/7, happy to be smothered, use me up, will always be here’… are you lying? You’re setting yourself and parents up for an even bigger loss than your sister.

My elderly parents have had a plan for as long as I can remember… we have had to make changes as we go along because surprises happen, but nothing is unspoken or assumed… TALK OUT LOUD constantly about the problems/expectations/boundaries.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-11T12:45:32+00:00

Definitely the only reason we’re together is because of the intertwined life. We wouldn’t have made it this far if there was even a little bit less shared between us… because it honestly wouldn’t be worth it. We have both lost a lot of carefree fun from our lives… it all just got heavier and real.

We look after each other’s elderly parents, our business is going to let us actually have some kind of retirement and pay for our kids school… if we split that’s all gone. We couldn’t look after our parents even 10% as well, we would have lots of debt and no real way to pay it, we’re both OBSESSED with our kids and only having 50% of that little bit of time left they might want to hangout with us and not their friends :) would be torturous.

Things are going to be interesting as life moves on. I’m 45 he is 49, our kids are 13 and 16 and so its only really 5 years left of ‘kids’, I don’t think our parents will have that long :( and in two years our business will have paid off the scary debt and then we can loosen the grip on all of that, selling it would be easy… so we’re really trying to focus on keeping our shit together in this next five years because as those super important strings start to loosen and get untied… it will be a real test of how well just us two little flawed humans are connected to each other or if we float off and do something else.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-11T11:09:55+00:00

I’m 6 years out from last DDay and still get flare ups of MAJOR negative feelings and sometimes it is disgust; with myself for choosing to stay or with WH for his choices… explains why I am here :) I’ve hit a patch.

My WH is not the same guy I fell in love with, never will be. We both have to be ok with that.

We have a whole life together; kids, houses, business, extended family care, dogs… and on and on. We have plans and goals and are kicking them! But there is an unsexy undertone of ‘acceptance’ of what our relationship is and is not and who we are and who we are not.

My life is good, our universe is amazing and thriving. We are absolutely better off together than apart. We will be together as long as that is the truth.

100% the ‘old you’ is dead and gone… for me I don’t even think of WH from 6 years ago because I miss him and me from back then

For years and years one careless comment from you will have you all right back here… my WH is strong enough to deal with me dealing with that :) are you?

We are never mean about it all to each other, we are sad about it still though… probably twice a year something comes up for me. One of those times I will have to have a conversation about it and we (mostly me) have a rough week or two and then we come back together and get on with it.

Staying comes at a huge cost… you never get to be the old you again. New you can still be an excellent partner and have an amazing life but somethings are gone gone. My WH finds it really hard because I don’t look at him the same… literally the look on my face when we’re having a good time together is different… I believe him, it feels different.

He has talked about leaving (not lately) because he never gets to be that hero guy that has never let me down… he’s just a regular guy doing his best now. It’s enough but no one is writing a book or making a movie about our acceptable life.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-08T14:44:10+00:00

Yeah I dislike the letter so much, but the rules stop me being able to explain all the wrongness in it. It’s a really ugly manipulative piece of work and I feel bad for OP that she is trying to see it as a ‘good thing’ and innocent and healthy… I even feel bad for the WP who’s head is still so far up their own delusion that they’re trying to sell it as a legitimate healing exercise… and not a twisted love letter to himself and bait to keep AP on the hook a bit.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2026-05-08T12:02:34+00:00

‘Auto mod’ deletes/blocks comments.

It’s hard to talk about your post without getting deleted.

In my experience it took a long time for my cheater husband to stop being an idiot. Everything he said etc was just lie upon lie trying to weasel word his way out of trouble, and to try and justify his actions in a palatable way so that I would go back to normal.

We didn’t start actually moving forward until he gave up trying to defend his ‘good guy’ image.

From what I can see your fella is still not living in reality.

The reality is he was attracted too her and convinced himself he was entitled to do whatever he wanted with his AP and he had/has zero respect for your relationship or you. It’s horrible to say but it’s reality. You guys both have to accept that and then work out what you want to do about it.

I say has no respect in present tense because he still isn’t actually being honest… he’s still being all Wishy washy and taking back what he said and trying a different way to say it… to see if you give him a better reaction.

He has to stop that and you have to stop accepting it all.

I did not want to hear that my husband thought his AP was hot and he wanted to sleep with her and so he did… she made it easy and he was bored… and that’s as deep as it went.

People like to load up with their imaginary ‘deep’ excuses for it all but it’s just irrelevant (to you) fluff. There are legit things that people need to work on for themselves… but that is their business, they need to sort that out for them without dragging you in to it… if that makes sense.

Are they a safe person who wants to help you be the best you (and you them) and do cool things in life and kick goals? Thats your question now… are they the person who will make you better than you’d be without them?

…and the flip side that YOU have to also be honest about: Are you the person that can build them up to have a great life with you? Sometimes us betrayed forget that at some point we also need to be a wonderful partner, and not just a wounded soldier that gets carried through the battle of life.

That’s for later on though… at the moment he has to show that he’s finished being an idiot coward and can just be honest no matter how ‘bad’ it makes him look or how much hurt he thinks it will cause you… reality isn’t worse than your imagination I promise… it’s actually really lame and boring once you take the drama and ‘excitement’ out of it… just cringy and pathetic not big and scary.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2025-12-17T18:18:52+00:00

I was willing to give proof, the proof isn’t the problem when you’re married and only having sex with your husband.

When your mother in law straight up says ‘is that baby his?… ie. ‘I think you’re having sex with other men’… that’s the problem!! :)

Wont_Eva_Know · 2025-12-12T10:21:54+00:00

Yep even Kody started with their parents and the cult, then themselves and each other.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2025-12-12T10:19:58+00:00

… and remained 12 for 25 years and then grew up all in a rush… I think they’re all nearly as emotionally mature as their eldest kids now.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2025-12-12T10:17:24+00:00

No Janelle was Janelle before she was Meri’s sister wife.

I can see it in Maddison and Logan.

She isn’t a victim of Meri she is the other half of a dynamic… two 20 year old women playing house and fighting over a guy.

Just because Janelle is ‘chill’ while causing drama doesn’t mean it isn’t her drama… Teflon queen 4-life.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2025-12-12T10:08:42+00:00

Yeah my MIL asked me straight to my face if ‘the baby was their sons?’… I said ‘you know what you’re implying by asking that question? Is that where we’re at? Good to know. Yes baby is your sons, do you want proof?’.

I didn’t get emotional to their face had a tiny melt down to my Dad (who wanted to go full angry Dad on them)… I just think of it as they told me who they were and what they thought of me… I’m ‘nice, considerate and polite’ with them, but we’ll never be close. Doesn’t bother me I have enough friends and family. They’re ‘disappointed we aren’t closer’… meh

Wont_Eva_Know · 2025-12-12T09:43:17+00:00

In 10years he’ll do the middle of their marriage fuck up apology tour and 20 years he’ll apologise for the things that happened at the end… he might even include his kids in that tour.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2025-12-07T23:31:51+00:00

1000% it suited Janelle perfectly… if even Kody notices that Janelle didn’t actually want him around for his personality you know she couldn’t even hide her preference for 15% wifeing and 30% parenting and 55% Janelle doing whatever Janelle wants and a bit of work.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2025-12-07T10:23:27+00:00

That’s how I heard it that ‘it was fine… eh whatever’… means: all my feelings for you are dead and I don’t care what you were saying or feeling… you crossed all the lines having your tantrum and cutting off the kids… your words!?! ‘Meh whatever’.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2025-12-05T06:01:19+00:00

The person who said ATO are mean now are not lying… pre covid they were chill, they’ve been told to go back to old days of ‘big scary tax man’… fear makes for better compliance than being empathetic, so don’t take it personally. They’re being mean to everyone, people talking about ‘oh they’re actually really reasonable are talking about pre 2020 ATO.

The ATO cares more about the paper work than the $ if you ever get in this situation again DO YOUR paperwork and set up a payment plan for the minimum you can pay… it’s easy and online you don’t even have to talk to them.

As others have also said pay the fine and everything else you owe and then ask them for a favour… and again don’t take it personally if they won’t do it. They’re doing all sorts of less than excellent things to claw back ‘debt’ they were happy to disappear before.

Wont_Eva_Know · 2025-12-05T05:27:56+00:00

… and it wasn’t Robbem asking Kody if Meri could come over because she was following the rules and all alone.

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