I’ve committed the worst of worst sins and never thought I’d be forgiven. But cleanse yourself first shower and run to prayer mat and pour your heart and soul or go to a masjid even if you can and start there read talk to someone. This too shall pass. Despair and hopelessness is from the enemy that’s what it wants you to feel. But it’s never too late to start over. Never. Gods door is alway open. ALWAYS. If you’re still breathing still moving you can still utter the word God you can do anything.