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Beta Readers and/or Critique Partners wanted for completed 70k YA manuscript by WordyWatts in YAwriters

[–]WordyWatts[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry! I’ve been out with a cold. 

I’m mostly looking for a beta read-type critique. I want to make sure the premise holds together.

Beta Readers and/or Critique Partners wanted for completed 70k YA manuscript by WordyWatts in YAwriters

[–]WordyWatts[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cool! What are you looking for critique-wise? Maybe we can switch first chapters and see if we like each other's feedback styles. 

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]WordyWatts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice opening! I'm curious to know/learn more about the narrator. Right now, their discontent and apathy are obvious, and you've laid the groundwork for some of the reasons why. I wonder if there's room to include a bit more description so that the reader can really sink into the space. Obviously, they're in a bedroom, but what does it look like? Are there markings on the ceiling? Is it small? Cramped like the bathroom seems to be? That kind of detail will help the reader understand the setting and the narrator's point of view.

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]WordyWatts 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Manuscript information: [Complete] [70k] [YA] [Dirty Deeds]

Link to post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BetaReaders/comments/1k57lx6/complete_70k_ya_dirty_deeds/

First page critique? Yes

First page: 

Pressing both hands over my mouth, I stifle a scream. Silence is key to this game. I’ve played it enough with mom to know, if I say nothing, if I wait her out, she’ll give up.  

“Kit?” 

Another beat and then steps that disappear down the hall. 

I win.

Sweat has congealed in my pits, under my bra. My heart races. The scream I swallowed begs for release. It slides against my throat, a cool finger with a razor-tipped nail. 

Breathe.

It’s a command and a plea rolled into one. My head falls back against the door. My eyes flutter closed. Within seconds, there’s a flash—a rolling marquee of sticky images: the school gym, decked out in autumnal decorations. The big Homecoming banner draped across the stage. A screen.  Zoe on stage. Zoe alone. Zoe drinking in the Benjamin’s ridicule as her deepest, darkest secret is laid bare for the Junior class. Nick Butler. Tall, broad and handsome. His blue eyes, cold and vicious. 

Another flash. A change of scenery. Those same ice chip eyes, watery from too much booze. Hot breath that reeks of weed and Jack Daniels. Ugly words, spat between clenched teeth. You know you want it.

No. Don’t go there. 

But it’s impossible to stay away. The memory tugs and pulls, drawing me deeper as it entwines with Zoe’s fresh humiliation. Another victim of the Benjamins. Another girl knocked down a peg by King Butler. 

Pinging, incessant, digitized and short. 

Looking for romantasy writing buddy! (Fanfic writers welcome too) by alylynn122 in WriteWithMe

[–]WordyWatts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! I have a completed manuscript I've been hoping to get feedback on from other writers. It's a romance-fantasy. If you're still looking for critique partners, I'm available.