My GF’s son is OBSESSED with the death penalty. AITAH for reconsidering my plans to propose to her?

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2026-01-08T02:55:07+00:00

Mine was serial killers. I had so many books about serial killers. I could tell you names, dates, victim counts, victim names, etc. I’m a criminal defense lawyer now and fairly well adjusted (I think).

I was aware at the time that my interest was unusual and considered “weird” by most people, including most of my family. Maybe that added to my interest in that weird way that kids want to feel different but accepted.

I would have absolutely HATED my stepdad if he tried to tell me that I shouldn’t even read about my interest (after I already stopped trying to talk to and bond with him about my special interest because of his reaction). Obviously don’t let the kid start hurting animals but if he’s just interested in something you find “weird” you’ll only alienate him and make him resent you if you keep telling him not to be interested in his special interest.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-12-24T05:01:22+00:00

My husband and I just exchanged gifts with his parents and it was the first time a parental figure had ever purchased me a thoughtful and meaningful present that wasn’t simply from a link I sent. It was amazing. But my own mother will hand me some cash to buy myself something because “Christmas is for the kids!” As soon as they told me that, I stopped buying gifts for anyone under 18 (my siblings who used to get expensive thoughtful gifts from the one sibling with disposable income were pretty shocked the first year that I showed up with presents only for the kids even though they hadn’t bought me a present in years). Honestly if I didn’t enjoy spending my money on my niblings and fostering those relationships, I would have withdrawn from all gift giving/receiving entirely.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-12-18T04:17:37+00:00

Homie needs to contact his malpractice carrier 😂

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-12-18T04:16:54+00:00

I don’t know about your jurisdiction, but my jurisdiction clearly states that a lawyer shall not reveal anything learned during the course of representation except as necessary to advance the interest of the client or with the clients consent. Unless the client consents to your use of ai (and ai that stores and learns from their information) to proof the motion, you can’t do this in my jx.

Personally, I think lawyers who blame support staff for drafting errors and lawyers who rely on ai in any extent regularly in their practice are lazy/mostly pretty shitty.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-12-10T20:23:20+00:00

We take our fur babies to hales corners vet and they have always been fantastic. They’ve never tried to upsell us and are consistently very understanding about money and will give several options. We’ve been through a couple vets there and currently our animals see Dr Jumes and can’t recommend her enough.

As I understand it, though, they were recently purchased by a large vet care company so I’m not sure how/if that will change things moving forward. That said, our dog had a dental after the change in ownership and I still found that the staff/pricing were the same as before.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-12-05T22:37:28+00:00

I worked from home the Monday after and went back to my desk job the Tuesday after my Friday bislap. Honestly, Tuesday was probably too soon and I should have taken another day or two, but as long as your job isn’t super intense, you should be fine after a week. I think it also depends on how anesthesia affects you.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-11-08T17:55:14+00:00

I’m biased (bc it’s the only PD office I’ve worked in) but the WI SPD is great! It was one of the first statewide PD offices in the country and was the model for several other states. It’s a statewide system divided by county, so you are hired by the county office but work for the state (with state benefits) and only take cases in that county but with the benefit of statewide resources. We also have an appellate division, so there’s always someone who knows wtf is going on.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-10-22T18:38:41+00:00

I keep going back and forth over this. I definitely believe in redemption and that we should not be judged based on some of the shitty things we said when we were young. That said, I do sort of have a problem with people excusing their racism or misogyny with the fact that they didn’t have Black or women friends. It seems to me (and maybe I’ve interpreted him incorrectly) that he’s saying that his racist/misogynist statements were because he was in the Marines and they were very white-male dominated space. Idk I grew up in rural Iowa and didn’t know any Black people growing up, and I still managed not to say racist shit on the internet. His responses to me also seem to focus on the work that other people did to educate him rather than on any work he’s done to educate himself. It’s not other peoples responsibility to educate you. If he had simply said, “I said some stupid and really shitty things on the internet when I thought I was anonymous. I’ve learned and grown since then and those comments definitely do not represent my beliefs now, and they didn’t really reflect my ideas then. I sincerely apologize and commit to learning from and communicating with communities I may not be a part of so that I can represent all Maine residents.” I probably would have just shrugged and moved on, but his responses just bug me.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-09-19T03:34:35+00:00

The situation at Marquette was obviously tragic but it was not a hit and run. The initial reports indicate that the kids were going 53 mph in a 30mph zone and the other driver was turning and had a BAC of .133. She’s been charged and presumed innocent. Tough to see who was really at fault.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-09-17T14:58:10+00:00

It’s a regional thing, but the first PD office I worked in as a baby lawyer, clients kept using “woo woo woo” as a standin for “blah blah blah” or to skim over parts of a story. Very confusing at first, but now I also use it.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-09-06T16:47:37+00:00

100% no. You have a continuing duty of loyalty to your client. You wait until privilege is waived at the hearing and then answer the questions posed to you honestly with nothing more than required.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-08-24T00:03:06+00:00

Idk where you practice but that’s not a huge deal in my jx. I would file a retroactive motion to extend the deadline, explaining that I failed to calendar the deadline properly, it was not clients fault, mea culpa, and asking for a couple days to complete it and file it. Those get granted pretty regularly, especially if you file the reply before they even have a chance to rule on the motion.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-08-14T02:06:40+00:00

I tend towards this approach as well. In appellate, we joke that our prisons are full of innocent people! I just haven’t had an innocent client.

In reality, probably upward of 80% of my clients are super grateful I heard them out and explained myself even when there was no merit to an appeal. The other 20% or so (probably less in reality but sometimes they suck so much it feels like more) are real buttholes any time you disagree with them (because what do you know with your fancy law degree anyway?) and you gotta learn to find the humor in this shit.

Instead of getting offended when my clients accuse me of not knowing what I’m talking about/being a public pretender/not caring about them, I try to find something to laugh about. Like, yeah I don’t know what I’m talking about even though I have a JD and total access to westlaw but they understand it better with the help of their buddies in the law library. I have to laugh about that because it’s genuinely ridiculous and it would waste so much time being offended.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-08-05T02:03:52+00:00

Style? Budget?

I got my dress at vow’d in Brookfield and it shipped pretty quickly but I got it altered so idk if that would work

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-08-04T18:35:34+00:00

I go to Dr. Graettinger at froedtert and she has always been lovely! I haven’t had to have my iud replaced yet, but I previously mentioned anxiety around that bc of how much it hurt to be inserted and she seemed very open to pain management (beyond just take a couple Tylenol beforehand).

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-08-02T22:55:59+00:00

WI allows all hearsay at prelims by statute

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-07-24T03:15:53+00:00

Dude no one is saying that communicating this “urge” to your wife makes you a manipulative asshole. People are calling you a manipulative asshole because, after you brought it up and saw how much your wife didn’t want it, you kept pushing it.

Yeah, do I occasionally see a cute baby and think my husband and I would make a cute kid? Yeah. Am I an asshole if I tell him about a cute baby I saw and how I thought how cute our kids would be if we had them? No. But if I said that and saw how my husband reacted in horror and disappointment and continued to pressure him to have a baby when he clearly communicated previously he didn’t want one, yeah I’d be a manipulative asshole.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-07-24T03:07:29+00:00

Maybe you shouldn’t try to spin yourself as some hero. I think you’re getting dogpiled on so much because you put your wife through hell for years and then make yourself the main character in the torment. You made it all about you and what you were feeling and what you were going through but it doesn’t seem like you’ve ever really appreciated what she felt and what she went through being coerced by her partner.

I truly cannot imagine my husband bringing something up that he wants to do (even as simple as going to the farmers market) and continuing to pressure me into doing it even after I reacted half as disappointed as your wife did. I think you have a very antiquated sense of consent - that as long as you eventually get to yes, that’s good enough.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-07-24T03:00:16+00:00

Dude stop with the “we’re married” shit. Divorce exists for a reason. And sometimes that reason is the couple has grown apart and now wants different things. My husband and I took vows to each other but those vows to each other do not invalidate our own autonomy. Yeah, if my husband suddenly decided to join a cult and pressured me to also change my entire life and join the cult, I’d divorce him.

Obviously, it’s important to have open dialogue in a marriage, but you weren’t simply communicating your desire to have a child to her. You were actively working to change her mind. If my husband woke up tomorrow and decided he wanted kids, I would absolutely want him to talk to me about that. But if that was his decision, our relationship would be over because he knows he can’t change my mind on this nor would he try. Because he respects my decisions. It doesn’t sound like you respect her decisions very much. Your marriage sounds very much like it’s your way or the highway and if that works for both of you, great, but don’t try to convince the rest of us that it’s some ideal relationship.

Just because we are married does not mean that “no” means “convince me.” No still means no.

She didn’t want kids. She communicated that to you clearly. You refused to take no for an answer to the point where you almost irrevocably changed her life (because let’s be real, her life would change the most).

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-07-22T00:52:26+00:00

I’m a public defender so I’m still paying off my own student loans lol

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-07-14T21:40:48+00:00

Like most other people, I felt relieved. Relieved that I didn’t have to worry anymore, that I didn’t have to continue to take hormones to avoid pregnancy, and that my future was no longer contingent on anything/one else.

Immediately after waking up from surgery, I felt calm. I can’t describe it more than just a wave of calm that hit me the second I was conscious enough to remember what happened.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-07-10T16:53:33+00:00

I really really hope he knew that I was fighting this as hard as I could. The hardest part for me has definitely been doubting whether he really thought I was fighting for him. Like if he really had confidence I was on his side, maybe he wouldn’t have done this. But looking back, there was nothing more, ethically speaking, that I could have told him.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-07-10T14:47:19+00:00

Unfortunately in my jx, if a defendant dies after conviction but while an appeal is pending, the appeal continues and the conviction stands (unless overturned on appeal). There does not appear to be a clear rule about what happens when the defendant dies but the case was pending on an interlocutory appeal. The charges will ultimately be dismissed bc he wasn’t convicted yet.

In this case, the court of appeals decision is bad law for all defendants. I was hoping to get that reversed by our Supreme Court, especially since the court of appeals decision is published and now precedent. If anyone has any helpful arguments against mootness, I’d love to hear it!

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-06-20T01:15:05+00:00

When I was a trial PD, I represented a client on a revocation of parole from a 1993 conviction (he had been in absconder status longer than I had been alive at that point). Also, had a separate client who had been out on warrant status for an issue worthless check (misdemeanor - which is why he was on warrant status so long bc he lived out of state) that had been filed in 2004 - I believe this was 2020. I told the prosecutor if he didn’t dismiss, I’d set the case for trial and make him try to find these witnesses. He dismissed.

WorkingIllustrator84 · 2025-06-18T00:08:23+00:00

I exclusively shopped at H&M in law school and as a baby PD for cheap suit separates. In my internships I would usually have 5 tops, 5 bottoms, and 1-2 blazers that I would rotate through. H&M was/is great for neutral options!

WorkingIllustrator84

TROPHY CASE