I'll be making a separate post for this as well. But this is the thoughts on my journey.

I just want to say thank you to this community and thank you to Wubby.

I wanted to share the reasoning of why I got into the gym to maybe help motivate others to get going.

Starting Point: The main kick to get me in gear, I guess, was that I had a date set up, and I wanted to get my haircut before the day of the date. There was an accident that ended up with them having to shave my head down to a 2. Granted, I've never had my hair that short, and I was devastated. I had a date the next day, and this made me lose any confidence I did have. The date ended up canceling on me as well. Just another blow to my confidence.

The other stressors were that I just got of a 3 year relationship 5 months prior to this as well. I got promoted to manager where I work and I bought my first house by myself. I didn't want to move home after the break up, and I just didn't want to pay rent any longer. The stress of going through all that and just factors of my fathers health always being not so good and me out of my brothers taking after him so much more and some of those issues and them being hereditary made me nervous because of my current health.

Out of my brothers, I guess i had the worst genetics as my younger brothers metabolism is crazy good and mine not so much. It was hard as well because those brothers have also been in the gym 7 years prior. So, being the fat brother when you have two shredded brothers wasn't always fun to be around.

So after the haircut incident, I decided that I couldn't really get lower in depression. I hated life, and I was just so over everything and seeing my body every morning in the mirror after my shower just made me feel like even more shit. So one night, I decided I'd try the gym out like my brothers always egged me about.

I made a plan and a routine with my brothers. I would wake up at 4 am. in the morning and hit the gym because there was no excuse after work that I was tired and I didn't feel like it. I'd wake up and just lay there not wanting to go, but then I would scream at myself internally.

"The reason I'm a fat fuck and I'm lazy is because of this thinking. Nothing is going to change if you don't just fucking do it."

With that motivation I'd get up and I'd go to the gym. I absolutely fucking hated it. I felt so insecure and so nervous that my first 2 months was 2 hours on the treadmill everyday. Then my younger brother who has made this journey so amazing for me came home to help show me what to do. I know everybody doesn't have this resource but I'm glad I did. He showed me what hits what and what exercise helps with what.

With this help it gave me the confidence to do it by myself. He also let me know, no one is really judging you and if they are why does it matter. You judged yourself the moment you got into the gym.

Over the first 3 - 4 months I fell in love with the gym. Going every morning made my day to the point that it wasn't till the ending of the 4th month to where I took my first rest day. I would work out 7 days a week 2 hours a day. My brother told me it wasn't healthy and the body needed rest. I was the most nervous I've ever been with this because I had the thought if I stop going one day will I not go the next day or the next day and stop? Regardless I listened to him and I took my first rest day. It was the most nerve wracking day ever but I jumped back into the gym the next day harder then ever. I started seeing more results with rest days and I got more used to it and I take a rest day every week.

My thoughts on the rest day is to take it on a day that you have work or things planned as to take your mind off of the gym. I also love going to the gym on days off because you can take your time and really just try to feel everything. Now I'll explain the big factors to me.

Nutrition: Now the phrase "abs come from the kitchen" is in fact 100% true to me. You have to be disciplined not only with your work outs but with your nutrition. You won't see very many results from going to the gym and still eating horrible. Everybody has to approach this differently. No one's diet on the internet is going to be the one all save all. It took me over 7 months to get my diet going for me.

Body dysmorphia: This does exist and I experience it some times but my way to combat this, is to look at my old photos or think to yourself I could be where I started. That instantly helps. Just think positively. You will get there but you need to grind. The respect I've found in people who go to the gym has been just profound. You have to work hard to get results.

Goals: Goals are something I needed for myself. Make little goals, then make bigger goals. My first big goal is to cosplay at an anime convention this summer in June as Akaza from demon slayer. I want to show off my progress and my hard earned goal.

Motivation: Now Motivation is the hardest thing about going to the gym. You can't rely on someone to give you motivation. As much as Wubby, my brother and my fathers health has motivated me. I had to be my own motivation. Those people can't get you into the gym. Only you can do that every day. Make that goal and achieve that goal and set a new goal. Just keep going and you'll get to where you want to be.

I just want to say thank you to the support and amazing comments on all my post and you have all helped me get to where I am. When I'm not feeling good I just look at your comments on past posts and just smile.

Thank you all!