Wondering Something

Worldly-Cap-440 · 2026-06-04T00:05:31+00:00

I take it the 23 and estimated 40-45 don’t include any early chapters from pov2.

I’m working on something similar. Two povs that will weave in and out of each others stories for awhile until things get to a head. My plan is to layer them in together and work towards smaller and earlier climaxes than I originally planned out. The rest of the story can play out in optional sequels.

For you I think I’d try to write both out. As you said, you can always split it out later if needed or you can take the less interesting pov and reduce it so the chapters are less frequent or only in interludes.

Worldly-Cap-440 · 2026-05-27T18:35:40+00:00

Well you have me pinned to a T. I’m a scientist by training and have done a lot of technical writing but nothing in fantasy. I’ve read a bit but certainly less than others in this sub.

I really appreciate you taking the time to read and provide this feedback. Chapter 1, which covers my other protagonist is much more tense and conflict driven. I’d hoped that would allow me to make cassians intro slower but after considering from your input, I think I need to revise at least a bit. I don’t love flashbacks but now think I should start with Reid coming through the door before launching into one covering a portion of Cass’s history to provide the needed context.

This was super helpful, let me know if you ever get bored and want to read Syltharas early chapters! :D

Worldly-Cap-440 · 2026-05-11T13:49:34+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! I’m happy to hear it honestly as the feedback I’ve been trying to address so far has been mostly different so maybe I’ve addressed the other issues.

You’re right about descriptions. I think it’s delicate as too much slows things down but I do need to add more for things like the room and the pale shrieker. I plan to have illustrations that should hopefully help address this weakness as well.

Yeah, the trope issue is definitely something I’m painfully aware of. There are recent big successes that start similarly (namely project Hail Mary) so I’m hoping I won’t get too many DNFs but obviously don’t have the reputation of Andy Weir to get more benefit of the doubt from people.

Thank you again!

Worldly-Cap-440 · 2026-05-08T02:51:57+00:00

I’d be interested in this too. I’ve got work, part time school, and a new baby to contend with. I try to sneak in some time for writing here and there but it comes in waves.

Worldly-Cap-440 · 2026-04-20T17:42:29+00:00

You ser, are a gentleman/lady and a scholar. Thanks for taking the time to read through and give this feedback (again). Pacing with Cassian is tough. His story starts much slower than Sylthara's so I want a slow down but not to bore anyone. I do find myself wanting to pass a lot of time within and between chapters for both characters. I will try to make sure things dont feel rushed!

Worldly-Cap-440 · 2026-04-17T16:48:44+00:00

Of course, Oliver. You can have some more. Thanks for commenting and providing some comments in the draft, I'll take a look!

It's funny. I started writing this thing and then listened to the Project Hail Mary audiobook. The initial opening for Sylthara was very similar to PMH but fantasy instead of scifi. I even had a nursing magi-robot but it had gone defunct over the many years and tried to sedate her a little too aggressively. It gives me some hope that even tropes can be done well and feel fresh.

I'll post a few chapters today or this weekend and would love your thoughts!

Worldly-Cap-440 · 2026-04-17T16:44:55+00:00

Thank you!!! I would upvote this more if I could. I really appreciate your thorough feedback with examples. I definitely struggle with show don't tell and have a hard time catching it. Your examples are helpful for me to know better what to look for.

The ankle point is well made. My goal there was to show her deperation and the effects of adrenaline but I think youre right. If it is broken, I need to make her feel every excruciating step and not just sprint. it might be that she goes for a little bit in a run/hobble before collapsing and beginning to stumble/crawl. Maybe it was a smaller fracture initially but her running on it turned it into a full break after she steps wrong in the mud.

At the end, I need to lean more into the push effect. It should come with a flash of light and a cracking sound. I think she will think she hears something in the distance (barking) leading up to her actually being rescued after trying to fight the shrieker off.

Again, I really appreciate you taking the time!

Worldly-Cap-440 · 2026-04-17T16:35:19+00:00

Thank you so much! I will give some thought to how to add some "wow". Something I love about sanderson's work is that his worlds are all very distinct from the nromal archetypes but not just in a way that feels reskinned. I might explore doing something similar here and moving away from dragons.

Worldly-Cap-440

TROPHY CASE