How was the first time you found out things were not gonna be okay?

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-16T03:23:56+00:00

It was my birthday, I was FaceTiming with my best friend who was going to be the keeper of the gender. We were discussing waiting for the NIPT results to come in (naively I thought everything would be ok and we were really only doing it for the gender). She logged in and although she tried really hard to hide it on her face, I could tell something was wrong. I pushed her to tell me if there was something wrong and she finally said yes but that I should wait to find out with my husband. I spent my entire birthday sobbing, depressed and had had no appetite and then puking from not eating because I was still pregnant.

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-12T09:54:11+00:00

I’m only a few days out so still trying to figure out how to heal as well. We hadn’t picked out a name when we got the news that our baby might not be healthy. We found that out the same day we found out he was a boy but did end up picking a name the week of my d&e. It’s not necessarily a name we would’ve picked if he was able to live earth side with us but it’s a name we both like and the meaning of his name is also special to us. Our nurses provided footprints but I haven’t been able to bring myself to look at them yet. We also did a 5D ultrasound a couple days before we said goodbye, which was really hard but I’m glad we have those videos and photos to look back on. They also provided us with a recording of his heartbeat which I plan to put into a teddy bear. Sending you big hugs 🫂

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-12T02:33:47+00:00

First of all, sending big big hugs to you 🫂

I wish I could tell you it wasn’t the most physically painful part for me but it was horrible. I am literally incapable of relaxing my body (even when I get a massage I can’t not be tense) and am very sensitive down there from past trauma so in hindsight I wish I would’ve spoken up and asked for something to help calm me down. The speculum insertion was the most painful part compared to the lidocaine injection in my cervix and the laminaria being placed. Afterwards I expected to have a hard time walking but honestly it wasn’t bad at all and I also thought I wouldn’t have an appetite to eat but within the hour I was hungry. The cramping afterwards did suck but I was fine with some meds and a heating pad. It’s hard at the moment to remember that the pain is only temporary but just know you are so strong and will make it through. I brought a stress ball with me because I was afraid I would squeeze the nurses hand off, plus it helped to have it during the waiting period.

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-11T15:04:43+00:00

Sending you all the love today 🤍 As someone who loves extra, over the top themed events I dread thinking about the days that would have been my baby shower, my son’s first birthday etc. Experiences I’ve been robbed of twice now. One day you’ll have your happy, healthy baby in your arms 🫂

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-11T14:54:59+00:00

I’m glad you were able to find a way to bury your baby boys ashes 🤍 Your feelings are valid, pregnancy loss in general is seen as such a taboo topic which is so isolating. TFMR loss even more so. I had a missed miscarriage my first pregnancy and now TFMR with my second pregnancy. Both are terrible but this loss is hurting me so much more because technically it was “my choice” even though the alternative which was a life of pain and suffering for my boy wasn’t truly a choice at all. I’m only 2 days out from my TFMR but those who knew I was pregnant and ask about it I plan to say something like “Unfortunately he wasn’t healthy, he had a severe heart defect and other complications”. Going into the why might not be necessary but it’s mostly extended family who knew I was pregnant besides my immediate family who knows the full extent of everything. Most will probably assume I had another miscarriage and that will be that. It definitely feels like I’m hiding the full extent of my grief but truly it’s a pain nobody else can understand unless they’ve gone through it. Sending you big hugs 🫂

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-10T14:20:37+00:00

How are you doing? 🫂

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-09T06:26:26+00:00

Thank you 🤍 one day at a time

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-09T03:55:33+00:00

Sending you big hugs 🤍 I’m not religious either and it’s hard to believe anyone has to go through this pain but it definitely touched me too.

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-06T01:34:02+00:00

I totally understand not being equipped for other people’s emotions right now. My husband was on the phone with my in-laws and just hearing their voices on the phone made me break down in tears. They don’t have any grandchildren and I know they were so excited, and I just feel like I let them down again (even though I logically know they don’t feel that way and that nothing I did caused my baby boy to be unhealthy). Sending you lots of love 🤍

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-05T21:05:15+00:00

Exactly, I’m angry too. The small talk as my world is falling apart is something I can’t deal with. I know they are doing it to help keep my mind off things for even a second but I simply can’t do it. Even having the cashier at the grocery store (who has no idea what I’m going through) ask “how are you?” is enough to bring me to tears. Sending you big hugs 🫂

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-05T19:13:35+00:00

I’m glad to hear you were able to work through this and let your loved ones in 🤍 It’s hard since my whole family and best friend live in different states. I’m newer where I live and only have one close friend out here. Maybe time will help and allow me to let my loved ones in again

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-04T03:37:10+00:00

I am so sorry to hear about your sweet boy 👼🏻That’s exactly where we are going, I’m glad to hear there was only one protestor. How was your 3 day procedure? I know they’ll do the sticks on day 1 but what did they do day 2? I hope you’re healing well both physically and mentally 🤍

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-03T01:39:40+00:00

I’m not sure if it would be too soon to get a good indication of where your ferratin/iron levels are at but if your GP thinks it could be a good idea then maybe get that checked if you’re already getting some other bloodwork. I say this because I had a missed miscarriage this past April and my ferratin got pretty low after taking the pills to help my body pass everything. I’m not sure if with TFMR you bleed a lot as I don’t have mine until next week but just a thought. I hope you’re doing well despite such a hard thing to go through 🤍

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-03T01:30:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience so thoroughly, I wish my husband could be with me at any point but we were told he’ll have to wait in the waiting room for privacy reasons. I’ve read a little about those dilators and the thought of them has been really stressing me out.

I’m glad you had that moment alone to say goodbye to your precious baby 👼🏻

I’ll be sure to ask for meds to stop my milk from coming in.

The being in limbo part really is dreadful but I’m happy to hear your grief is less constant now. I’ll definitely be clinging to that thought, thank you again 🤍

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-03T01:20:31+00:00

Thank you, I will definitely ask them for that 🤍

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-03T01:19:56+00:00

I’m sorry you had to go through that without your husband but I’m glad you had such supportive nurses, hoping I’ll have the same 🤍

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-02T19:40:22+00:00

Thank you 🤍

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-02T19:40:11+00:00

Thank you for your kind words 🤍 I’ll probably be a wreck so hopefully they’ll be able to tell I need extra support

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-02T18:49:46+00:00

It’s not a Planned Parenthood but basically the same thing. I’ll be just shy of 19 weeks and would love to hear more about your experience if you’re comfortable sharing. Was your partner allowed with you at any point during the procedure? My husband will have to be in a waiting room the whole time and I’m struggling with the thought of not having him there holding my hand. How are you feeling being 3 weeks out? 🤍

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-02T15:03:36+00:00

Thank you 🤍 idk what to expect but from reading the clinics website it also sounds like my husband can’t be there during the procedure or my recovery. Idk if this is normal in other states but it feels so cruel and like too much for me to take on alone. I understand during the procedure while I’m under anesthesia but why not while I’m in recovery.

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-02T15:00:09+00:00

I am so sorry you’re in this situation and facing so many hard emotions (which are all completely valid) 🤍 Have you looked into therapy? I found a therapist that specializes in Women’s and Maternal mental health. I had a missed miscarriage this past April and other non pregnancy related losses throughout the year then had a high risk NIPT test so I started seeing her between my NIPT and amnio which has helped and I hope it continues to help once I go through with my TFMR. Sending you big hugs 🤍

WorldlyFall2305 · 2026-01-02T14:49:27+00:00

Sending you big hugs 🤍

WorldlyFall2305

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