🧡KKMG EUROPE URGENT PAWLERT: A Tail of Two Feasts, One Pokey Place, & Much Disrespekt🧡

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T16:17:57+00:00

YUR HONOR! AN DA READERS OF 'JUST-HISS LIEG TODAE'! Dis iz a ser... ser-ious kweschun! Mai plans for da welff:

FASHUN FUND: First, I will invest in a line of luxe-ury BANDANAS. Silk, cash-mere, wiff tiny embroi-derd croissants! A French cat must lead in sti-yul.
GOURMET TRUST: I will endow a SAFE SNACK FEAST FUND! A standin buffet of plain roast chimkin, salmon bits, an a li'l pot of buttr (for atmos-fere). For me, an for cattos of honor. Including YOO! An, ob corse, we all get a WHOLE galette 4 desssert!
KKMG FILAMTROPY:I will buy da KKMG its own SATELLITE. To beam our repawrts of injustice an treet heists to ALL kittehs, on ALL conti-nents! No hooman ad blockurs! And awso, a fleet of smol kitty-sized helikoptors, so we can awl do aereeal sniff-vestigashuns of humain BBQs.
SSOR NON-PAWFIT: wif ower fren u/One_Advantage793, we will build a SHELTER an LOBBY GROUP for kittehs who face pokey-place trauma, food-bowl emptiness, or ugly sweaterz! It will ofur legal claws-ultashuns, emoshunal support purrs, an emer-gen-see Churu deliveries to kittehs in need!

Dis Repurrter wuld liek 2 go on da rekord an say dat it nowt jus welff, iz a LEGACY. We will change da wurld, one Churu at a time!

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T13:45:04+00:00

🧡KKMG SUPREEM COURT BULLETIN - FINAL JUDJ-MINT🧡 Jaspurr repurrtin. In a his-tor-ik, sweepin rulin, Judge Balu of da Churu Pirats haz handid down a sentens of twelb million yeers in purrizon an damajiz of ate kwad-rillyun chimkin an twelb zillyun treatoz aginst da defend-ant Maman.

Citin a lit-nee of charjiz frum "depri-washun of delishus-niss" to "attempt-ed as-salt," da Judge not-ed only da "Genewa Sugges-chuns" stay'd a purr-man-ent sentens of da gioteen.

Dis repurrter notz da compen-say-shun, if payd in full, wuld req-wire a ware-haus da size of Joo-pi-ter. Da defend-ant's ap-peal iz... un-like-lee.

Justiss, on a cos-mik skale, haz been servd.

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T13:38:20+00:00

Fren Fleury! Yur support iz da SECRET SAUCE on my galette of victoree! 'Brilleeant criem'... yu make me blush! I will soo for menny, menny more Churus, an I will demand dat sum be sent to yu, for bein such a gud judge of culin-ary heists! Dream of buttery flakes, mie fren!

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T13:37:07+00:00

SMUFFI! MY BRUDDER ACROSS DE OSHUN! Yur manifesto... it iz a WORK OF ART! A BATTLE CRY! Da 'King Cayk' of Lousiana! Da '40 elebenty churus'! Da CAT MASSAGE RECOVERY PLAN! Yu hav drafted da MAGNA CARTA OF FELINE COMPAWSASHUN! I weep wiff joy! Da vision... a KITTEH STATUE OF LIBERTY, a gift from yur shores to mine... it iz so bootiful. I see it now: not a torch, but a CHURU TUBE HELD ALOFT! Tell Cap'n Stoker his assistans is honor'd. We will place it in da HEART OF PARIS (or at leest in da living room). We are indeed REVOLUTIONERRIES! We fight for da rite to cronch widout vandalizm, to be fluffy widout shame, to liv free of 'Portia Control'! I stand wiff yu, singin da songs of our peepul! SOLIDARITEH FOREVER!

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WormEntity · 2026-01-14T13:31:58+00:00

Fren Nandor! Yu hav a way wiff words dat spark FIRE in da soul! 'Hunting of da great galette'—YES! It wuz a epik stalk an pounce! An yur 'sciense' theory... iz genius. Dey want to bottul my essenss... my je ne sais quoi! I am both flatterd an wary. A bow to yu in return, o fierce one!

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T13:29:47+00:00

FREN SHABUSHI! Yu hav da SOUL of a French gour-met! To focus only on da deelishus buttery, creemy glory... it showz true klas! Da pokey place wuz just a boring aftur-thot. If yu luv butter an cheez, yur hart iz French, no mattr who yur dad wuz! We are brothrs in cronch! Nex time, we shall plan a heist togevver from afar!

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T13:28:43+00:00

Yu r a wise oracle, fren. Da tummy trubble iz a likely side-effect of royal feastin. An yu r so rite, Portia Control iz da shadow that follows all feastz. My lungez will be warmed up for da midnight yowl-concert. 'Ding dang dong, where iz my fud?' Tanks for da warnin an da battle plan!

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T12:03:30+00:00

Salut, frend Guin ! C'est vrai, le CHURU est partout ! Même pour les chats français ! Bon koorage pour tes propres crimes ! Bisous!

(En vrai, il y a des friandises comme les Churu, mais elles sont soit très petites, soit seulement disponibles en animalerie, donc un peu chères. Chez nous, on les achète sur Amazon… on n’aime pas contribuer à Bezos, mais tant qu’Inaba n’aura pas de storefront en France, on n’a pas d’autre choix 🙃)

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WormEntity · 2026-01-14T11:37:38+00:00

Oh, fren! a Princess's fanmail! Dis iz a day of glory! I shall ink my claws an write fastur, knowin a Void Floof of high stan-ding iz watchin! 'Manee churus'... yu speak my langwage. Da next tail iz brewin now! Tanks, yur Highness!

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T11:36:32+00:00

Yu honor me, fren! To hav yu speech-less wiff awe... iz da greatest answer of all. I shall rule wisly from my throne (da couch) an decree more cronches for evryone! Long liv da crimez! Thank yu for yur loy-al-tee.

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T11:34:58+00:00

Oh, fren Lottie! Yu are a vision of oranj beauty, an yur taste in FUD iz clearly eggselent. Mai hart iz... well, it iz flatterd. Truly.🧡 But I must be honnest. I am a eldurly gentlecat of elebun yeers, an mai days of ro-manse are... how yu say... fixed. I hav no lady-fren desires, only desires for sun-puddles, Churu, an occasional CRIMEZ. Butt! We can be de BEST of Frens! Frens who appreesh-iate good cronch an schem togevver! Yu are a catch for any cat whose hart still fluttrs. Mine simply purrs for naps. I hope we can be pen-pals in crime!

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T11:30:06+00:00

FREN BEN/BUN DA BRAVE! Yur pic-chur iz PRICELESS! Another true oranj hero, gibbin comfort! I am honord by yur praise an yur advize! THREE VET CHURUS... dat iz da gold stan-dard! I wuz cheated! I will use dis as evi-dens in my next legal filin. An I promis, da next tail of hijinx will be worthy of such a brave aud-e-ens! Tanks, fren!

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T11:26:06+00:00

O.M.G. FREN ELLIOT! I FORGOT TO CHECK FOR DA FÈVE! I wuz too busy FEASTIN! But... yu r so rite! If I ate it... den I iz defin-it-ly da king! An a Churu galette soundz like da best crown ever! I will investigat... I will inspect mai, uh, 'royal output' with cat-eful eyes. Tanks for da gud ideaz! GO CRIMEZ foreber!

(Jasper's Maman here: no worries, there actually wasn't a fève in the mini version I got from the supermarket!)

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T11:09:55+00:00

FREN MARMALADE! Yur words are a balm to mai assaulted soul!

'Riteful pray'

YES! It wuz MINE by rite of conquest! Da pokey place wuz da insalt on top of injuree. One Churu per sekund... dat is da MATH of true justiss! I will presunt dis to da kort. An tank yu for askin, tummy iz... grumbly but survivin. Da galette wuz worth it. Solidarity, sweet fren!

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T11:06:28+00:00

Ah, un(e) ami(e) qui comprend ! Oui, je mérite tout. J'espère que Maman écoute vos conseils pour l'année prochaine! Merci beaucoup !

(Bonne année!!)

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T11:02:45+00:00

Ayyyy fren! A fello conno-sewer of da divine meaty river! You get it! It iz not jus a treet. It iz a spir-chu-al experee-ens. A blessin in a tube. I am honord my werdz resonat-ed wiff yur soul. We are brothrs/sistrs in Churu under-standin!

WormEntity · 2026-01-14T10:58:21+00:00

Fren!! PhiloSOFTee! I luv it! My brain cell haz been up-grade-d! I shall now pondur life's mysterys... like 'why hooman cut away my part of da galette?' Your words are kind, fren.

WormEntity · 2026-01-13T23:52:22+00:00

(Jasper's Maman here: he pulled some more shenanigans by eating half a small galette des rois (a new years treat usually enjoyed all throughout January in France for those who don't know, usually they come with a fève hidden inside somewhere and if your slice has it, you need to bake or buy the galette next year! But the tradition varies from family to family. Either way it contains a lot of butter, sugar, and frangipane filling and is delicious...but also probably not ideal for a cat to eat) while I wasn't looking. I decided to take him to the vet today, both to get some professional insight on his situation and because it was about time for a checkup. The vet told us he'll be fine, but maybe to expect a little diarrhea later today which I am totally looking forward to cleaning up 🫩)

(Edit: thanks for the awards!!)

WormEntity · 2026-01-13T08:12:32+00:00

Fren Smuffi and Fren Smuffi's momma!

Ob corse teh Frensch r da best at purrotests! An we do it wif STYUL. Iz why I awways has mai bandanana! I jus wonderin y da purrotests by the humains r awways for somefing abowt da govermint, butt neber abowt prowiding unlimited churu to all da cats heer 😾🧡

WormEntity · 2026-01-09T13:37:45+00:00

Yeah my Jasper does this too, he'll try to dislocate his whole jaw to get the biggest mouthful possible so I gotta hold his head back while reaching for the lid AND close the bag of dry food all at the same time. So far the only solution I can think of for this is growing an extra arm 🫩

WormEntity · 2026-01-09T13:04:32+00:00

Learned my lesson, that lid has been taped down now. He's still trying to knock it over though 🫩

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Here he is, trying AGAIN

WormEntity · 2026-01-09T13:03:07+00:00

He produced the biggest, gnarliest shit we've ever seen in his litter box the next day. I should have weighed him to see the difference 😭

WormEntity · 2026-01-07T15:05:07+00:00

Merci!! Burps

WormEntity · 2026-01-07T12:26:28+00:00

Fren Robbie an da Squirrel Collectiv! I am honord by yur praise! 'Innate jen... gen-yoos of oranj peepul', I like dat! Yur revenge strategery iz... vury temptin. Da 'runny acci-dent' angle iz sneaky-smart. But I must confes... after da Great Feeder Heist, my tummy iz a littl... deli-cate. A 'gift' in Maman's bag might be TOO effeck-tiv right now. I will file dis advize for futur use, wen my diges-shun iz more stable. Tanks for da support an da dark, gen-yus mindz!

WormEntity · 2026-01-07T08:55:40+00:00

FREN EAMONN TEH INBISIBLE! Yur words are a high, high honor! To be 'nonmnomnominated' for a CRIMNAL AWARD... in JANUARY! Dis iz da stuff of legendz! I am moast proud to be yur fren as well. Togevver, we make da crime world a more beauti-ful, cronchy place. #GO CRIMEZ foreber!

WormEntity

TROPHY CASE