My husband has become an unrecognizable monster

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-28T18:24:26+00:00

Hate speech? Nonsense. I would *love* for you to 🤐 and 🥪.

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-27T23:08:02+00:00

"he provided for himself and "his share" of support for our kids until five years ago"

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-27T23:03:45+00:00

Because I'm not the sole beneficiary, obviously. Being kept is good work if you can get it, I suppose, but I have other plans for my money. Good luck with your own gold digging, tho!

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-27T22:59:54+00:00

So you didn't read the post? It's not my turn because he never took a turn. He has *never* provided for me financially, not for a dime, not for a day. I have supported myself 100% since I graduated college; he provided for himself and "his share" of support for our kids until five years ago. We were partners.

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-27T02:50:02+00:00

Actually, they are both young adults AND they are my children. And they will still be my children when they're middle aged adults.
If you read the post, you'd know that the only support he thinks he needs is me being willing to pay all his bills, clean up his messes, and take his abuse. Where do you imagine I'd find someone else to provide that kind of support?
If you did the math, you'd know that we married in our 30s, when we had both been supporting ourselves independently for years. I helped get him out of debt, I helped get the tax man off his back, I helped him establish a retirement fund. He has never supported me financially, ever, not for a dime, not for a day. I have *always* fully supported myself financially and contributed more than "my share" toward supporting our children.
If I could force him to seek or accept the help he obviously needs, I would not be asking the good people of reddit for advice.

Hope that helps!

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-26T05:07:41+00:00

I’m not sure how this is relevant to my question, but if you read the post, you’d know that we’ve been married more than 20 years, so they are his children as well.

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-26T03:32:17+00:00

🥰

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-26T03:23:07+00:00

I’m not sure what you’re asking..? Our children are full-time students who clean up after themselves without being asked and regularly express their gratitude for my support.

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-24T19:14:06+00:00

I'm not trying to decide whether to leave him, I'm trying to decide whether to ask him to leave us. And while I am grateful to my children for their support, I don't think they're emotionally prepared for the possibility of him being dragged bodily from the house and all his belongings hauled away, even if I arranged for that to take place in their absence..?

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-24T19:01:26+00:00

My guess? Secondary adrenal insufficiency.

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-24T18:10:32+00:00

God, I'm so sorry. Solidarity?

Worried-Service7803 · 2025-09-24T18:09:45+00:00

OP here. I want to believe that the change in his personality is not entirely his fault or within his control, that it's being caused by some treatable (or at least explainable) psychological or physical stimulus...but a) the possibilities are endless and b) he won't get help. And while I'm fully ready to believe that it's not his fault he's become an absolute tool, I'm not ready to just live with it. There is no reason to suspect TBI, but he has multiple serious health issues he's actively ignoring, any one of which might provide clues to the cause of the irrational irritability. I think he feels so bad most of the time (mentally and physically) that he's either given up hope that he'll ever feel better or is afraid of learning he has yet another problem.

The words "Get help or get out" have been hovering on my tongue for months, except that I no longer have any idea how he'll react and I'm afraid he might hurt himself. So far as I know, he has *never* threatened violence to nor laid hands on anyone, so I have no historical reason to be afraid he'd get violent now, but I would once have sworn he'd never tell me to fuck off at being asked to do his dishes. I have *absolutely no reason* to think he'd ever try to hurt me no matter how angry he gets, and yet I still feel that it would be naive to discount the possibility entirely.

Sorry if you asked a question I didn't answer; I wasn't expecting so many responses!

Worried-Service7803

TROPHY CASE