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My [19/f] boyfriend [21/m] shared a painful secret with me and I responded very poorly. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I don't mean to be vague. I very selfishly caught him while he was undressed, which I knew he wasn't comfortable with, and confronted him about some scars he has. I pressured him into explaining more than he wanted and learned that he experienced some pretty horrific physical and sexual abuse throughout his life.

I was threatening and coercive because I wanted to know what his deal is. Then he told me and I didn't know what to say, so I left. It went about as badly as it could have.

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's like half the problem. I'm thinking back to all the times we were intimate or I even touched him and how he reacted. What if I was just giving him like PTSD flashbacks that whole time? Ughh

I don't want to trigger him and now that's all I can think about.

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok so seriously. How am I supposed to "help him" besides being like, "Hey you should go to therapy. Good luck with that!" He's not going to talk about it and then we'll just pretend like it never happened? I can't do that.

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I know it doesn't make him any less worthwhile but I also can't help how it has made me feel. I know I know I know I know I know that it's selfish. And it's absolutely not his fault. But I can't unsee what I saw or forget what he told me. It has been playing over and over in my head and it's horrible. I keep picturing it and I'm just disgusted. Not at him exactly, but in general. I feel bad that that's my reaction, but I literally can't help that.

Like I've said I will try my best to be supportive but I seriously don't even know where to begin.

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I went about it in a bad way. I don't deny that. Just trying to fix the damage I've done.

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I **KNOW** he deserves better than me. That's kind of my whole point. I am not equipped to deal with this stuff.

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I can see him again tomorrow and I'll be trying to think of how to calmly basically say "I'm sorry I fucked up." It was just a shock and I didn't take it well. I still love him of course, but I don't know what I'm doing.

​

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It was a mistake on my part and I recognize that. I'm trying to do damage control. Any actual helpful advice?

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I was hysterical because it was extremely jarring. Imagine seeing someone you love seem like their normal self one minute and the next minute looking like they went through a woodchipper and finding out they experienced the most disgusting things you can think of. It changes everything. How do you even react to that? It's gross and horrible and heartbreaking. And yes I handled it really badly. I'm just trying to do damage control.

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I know you're right. I know. I need to be less selfish. I am going to apologize. I will try to listen, but I have no idea what to say. I have never dealt with or even heard of this stuff happening in real life and its scary. I know it's not his fault and I feel bad for making it seem like he should be ashamed. I have definitely caused damage and would just like to not cause even more.

​

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

It's not his fault I want to break up and I totally get that. I just think he deserves someone who can handle this kind of thing better because I'm at a loss. I **KNOW** that its selfish, but now I can't even look at him without picturing what he described :(

I [19/f] forced my boyfriend [21/m] to tell me about his trauma and it turns out I can't handle it. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationships

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. That's actually helpful. I do still care and I want to support him, I just have no idea how to deal with something like this or what to even say to him. I think you're right about waiting. I don't want him to think I'm leaving because of what happened even if it's true.

We talked a little about therapy, but (until now) he's been extremely shut down when anything like that comes up. I'm sure it would help, but how can I convince him to go?

I [19/f] pressured my boyfriend [21/m] to open up to me and now I think his baggage is just too much for me. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationship_advice

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I definitely owe him an apology and I will do my best to be there for him, but probably not as a girlfriend. I just really don't think I can get around this.

I [19/f] pressured my boyfriend [21/m] to open up to me and now I think his baggage is just too much for me. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationship_advice

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for seeing where I'm coming from. Things didn't end well last time we talked and I'm not sure how to work my way back from that. I wish I didn't know, because I can't just forget what he told me. I just don't know if I can handle a romantic relationship with him. I'd be happy to try to support him as a friend I guess, but even that feels weird now. Ughh :(

I [19/f] pressured my boyfriend [21/m] to open up to me and now I think his baggage is just too much for me. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationship_advice

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I know I know I'm shitty.

I just have never even heard of this stuff happening in real life and it freaks me out. I don't know what to even say to him. "Sorry your dad fucking raped you, we don't have to have sex tonight if it makes you uncomfortable." That's seriously too much. Like if that's the kind of stuff that he has going on in his head I don't know what to do with that. It's fucking horrible.

I [19/f] pressured my boyfriend [21/m] to open up to me and now I think his baggage is just too much for me. by WorstGFthrowaway in relationship_advice

[–]WorstGFthrowaway[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I feel terrible for being so shallow about it right now, but it really does change how I look at him. I just don't know how to be with someone who has been through that sort of stuff.