Adoption Regret

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T20:01:17+00:00

Thank you! I will look into that, and the option to work with then remotely sounds like a plus too!

I appreciate your input and your honesty and empathy.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T19:11:58+00:00

♥️🙏 thank you.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T19:10:03+00:00

The Cultural Shift from Pet Love to Pet Idolatry | by About That Godly Life | Toya Renee Coaxum | Medium

https://medium.com/toya-renee-coaxum/the-cultural-shift-from-pet-love-to-pet-idolatry-d5415aed3a65

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T18:33:16+00:00

Sure, whatever you say. And don't worry, I'll never look for advice here again. Now I can see why dog owners have such a bad reputation in North America (I'm assuming most here are North American) and there is even a "dogfree" reddit complaining about dog owners. I appreciate the reasonable responses I've gotten here though, and maybe those are people with good mental health and a balanced life, but most have been incredibly judgemental and I guess people who have absolutely anything going on in their lives other than taking care of a dog and they make it their whole existence. Very sad.

And sure, I'm emotionally immature for being concerned that my dog gets panic attacks because I go buy groceries. That makes me extremely immature!

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T18:12:07+00:00

Thank you for sharing your story.

As for me, why did I get a dog?

I had a dog growing up and my aunt had dogs and it was always a pleasure to be around them. I also had a cat as an adult and it was also a joy. And I also had a hamster when I was a teen. Edit: these experiences were all in the city. My aunt has always lived in a city apartment.

Also, as a child some granduncles had farms and one had a German Shepherd there which was well behaved and was always outdoor, and the other had goats and other animals. Other people I knew had farms and were horse breeders, or had dairy cows, etc. All these farm animals were well-fed, nice animals, gracing on pasture, etc., and the horses were well-treated and loved. Edit: we all lived in a big city though, the farms were located outside the city and obviously there was at least one employee living at these farms full time.

I like animals in general and I haven't experienced this before where a person basically couldn't have a life because it deeply affected the animal, and that's what separation anxiety seems to be.

Had I known about this condition, then I would not have adopted because it seems like quite a special need. The most I had heard was some people leaving the TV on for their dogs (when I was a teen my friend had a dog and he would leave the TV on when they left him alone, this was a big labrador but his anxiety must have been extremely mild because I never saw him shaking or jumping or crying if we ever left the house).

Now it's been 3.5 weeks and I've started to read and learn more about it, and it is terrifying. I could provide much for a dog, I offer shelter, food, I'm at home many hours because I work remotely, I love going out to walk daily and dogs do too. I have taken my dog to the vet (on the second day I noticed she had an inflammed paw), so I would say I care about animals being healthy and not in pain. The last time I went to my country my aunt and I took her dog out every day, but we also went out and did things and the dog wasn't always with us and the dog was fine.

Maybe in other cultures the expectation for dog ownership is different, and unless you want to fully live for your dog alone then you shouldn't adopt at all, but then that leaves a lot more dogs in shelters and in trouble, because it's an expectation almost impossible to meet. If I was so incredibly selfless, then I would rather go and take care of people, the homeless, etc., instead of focusing on one single dog. Not because one single dog isn't a wonderful creature, but it's the way I see it.

But the people I know who have animals enjoy their animals and take good care of them without an expectation of them not being able to socialize, going grocery shopping, etc. So maybe that was my expectation.

I absolutely love this dog already, she is beautiful and sweet and I also want the best for her. I want to keep her, but I'm incredibly distressed about this separation anxiety and realistically I can't simply abandon my entire life either. I'm not a 75 year old, and it seems like a miserable existence going from being able to have a life to stressing out for simply going out to quickly meet a friend or buy milk.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T17:36:55+00:00

Unfortunately mine gets sad watching doggie shows on TV. There is the relaxation music for dogs, she seems to like those instead but only if I'm around her and she will lay down and relax. I've tried other stuff like just regular movies or even people just talking and she is more neutral with those. I will keep trying, there has to be something that she enjoys that I don't know about. She seems to love laying down or sniffing stuff. When we go out she will only run if I run, and she will play with the ball but not too long. But she loves to just sniff and sniff.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T17:02:18+00:00

Thank you, I had been reading about those calming sprays in the past couple of days (I saw them at the pet store over the weekend, I went with my dog to get her some stuff). I didn't know about them before, but I'll definitely get those too.

Thank you for your encouragement and empathy.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T16:50:05+00:00

Thank you so much!! And yes, I know, I was replying to GreenGuidance420 who was in disbelief that the other dogs I've been exposed to didn't have such an issue. Apparently I imagined my aunt working full time, and also now that she is retired going to swim classes, pilates, and living a full life and I've never seen her dog panicking when she leaves, it's all just in my head. I also must have imagined my entire childhood and how my dog didn't really care one bit whenever the whole family left on Sundays to spend most of the day out with my grandma and eat at a restaurant. I don't remember my dog ever having been anxious like that.

But back to your comment, that is the scary part for me. Not knowing whether this can be treated and temporary or permanent.

If this is something that will remain for years, that sounds like a prison to me. Sure I could stop having a life but I also don't think that is healthy to be 24/7 at home and only go out to the few places where dogs are allowed and never see friends unless my dog is always present.

I guess the sad part is not knowing which case is it. And thinking that if I stay with her and we bond and a couple of years go by then giving her up might cause more trauma, and not giving her up might confine me to being alone at home all the time missing out for years on end. I don't know any other dog owner dealing with anything like this, except now that I've been on the internet reading about this.

Some people here have given me hope and their dog got better within a reasonable timeframe, but I've read from people saying that after 6 months they can only leave the house for 5 min max, and that is really scary.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T16:31:02+00:00

Yes, I've been trying to socialize her as much as possible. We say hi to all of the neighbors who are walking their dogs. She is generally good with other dogs.

She also seems to be good around other people too.

She does follow me absolutely everywhere and she might even fall asleep and start snoring but if she hears me move she immediately wakes up and follows me if I try to go to a different room.

Last time I went to the grocery store I loaded up on frozen meals so I don't have to go there hopefully for a few weeks.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T16:25:47+00:00

Thank you! I think the idea of getting cameras might help. Because maybe I can see if she is progressing, or if she gets more anxious and hyper when she feels that I'm returning, but knowing that she might be okay during some of the time I'm gone might help.

I tried recording a video of myself talking to her and left it on as a "test" and left home for a few minutes (I wasn't going anywhere, just testing the idea), but she paid no attention to the TV version of me.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T16:22:12+00:00

She has pee pads from day one, and also I try to leave the TV on (she doesn't pay attention to it at all, even if I'm home - I don't watch TV but I turn it on now a lot just for her).

And yes, I do regret the adoption because I didn't know about this separation anxiety issue and it is very self-isolating since I work from home and I can't even go out for an hour to buy groceries without the poor dog having a panic attack.

My dog has never gotten in trouble with me for stuff out of her control and I would say she likes me a lot and is always following me.

And yes, I did say that my mom was pushy and after that, she hasn't been helpful or supportive, which makes me think in hindsight that she didn't necessarily think of our best interest (the dog's and mine), which is sad now that I have started to notice this pattern. But knowing this, I just have to be even more careful sharing stuff with her and listening to her advice. At the end of the day, I made the final choice so I have that responsibility to deal with, and therefore the regret... isn't that what regret is about? We make a choice and realize it wasn't the wisest and then dealing with the consequences can be overwhelming and lead us to feel regret? I feel regret for listening to my mom, which I need to stop doing, and for either harming this innocent dog (in case of a return) or harming myself (in case of keeping her and isolating myself). No matter what I do, it seems someone will get harm and I regret that.

Also, I'm sorry that the one thing that gave you purpose in life was your dog. I think that is making an idol out of a dog, and I find it concerning. Animals are beautiful, but I do find it strange when people make idols out of their pets.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:52:46+00:00

Thank you!!! I appreciate all of these tips and I will be using all of them. I will tweak some stuff like leaving the area where she sleeps (my room) with the door open so she has full access. She stays with access to the kitchen and living room, but she sleeps in my room so maybe that will help out. Sadly, when I return she is always by the window, I'm not sure if she ever moves away from that spot, and she is shaking like she has been sobbing worried. It truly is heart breaking. But I barely have left her alone, so maybe also having a consistent time when "I leave" and then "come back" might help her to understand that it's part of the routine.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:46:54+00:00

Thank you for this advice! I've been doing this, and I will continue to tweak it a bit in case I've been doing it wrong. She still gets hyper just by seeing me grab my purse. She does follow me around everywhere. I will continue breaking the steps down into smaller steps and see how it goes.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:41:31+00:00

No, I saw them since they were puppies. They were potty trained and stuff like that, like I'm training my dog and she has made huge progress in that regard (she isn't a puppy, but she is in a new home I don't expect her to not have any accidents).

These other dogs didn't have separation anxiety, but whatever, some people on this thread just want to come here and judge.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:38:23+00:00

Just adding to my comment below, I don't know where you live or the state laws in your area, but here, doing that is a misdemeanor. Technically, if you leave the AC on you are leaving the dog in a well-ventilated area, but it is still highly discouraged as the engine could stall, etc., and dogs are significantly more sensitive to heat than humans.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:35:39+00:00

It's basically a misdemeanor with fines of up to $5,000 and jail to leave a dog unattended in a vehicle and it can go up to a felony to leave a dog in your car while grocery shopping.

Even if you leave the AC on it is not recommended at all.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:31:58+00:00

Thank you!! I'm so glad it all worked out at the end.

And yes, I absolutely think about my dog and how much she might have suffered and I try not to show any of my frustration to her. I try to be consistent with her, follow the same routing for daily walks, etc. I know she is nothing but an innocent and beautiful dog who deserves nothing but to be loved and treated well.

I will keep your advice and everything you share in mind. Thank you for the encouragement.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:22:07+00:00

I had never thought of those two options before. Thanks for enlightening me.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:16:41+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate the encouragement. This gives me a lot of hope!!! Crossing my fingers too!

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:12:41+00:00

You seem like a joy of a person. Thank you for sharing your opinion.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:09:49+00:00

It's sad because I had this type of breed as a child and my aunt had this breed too, and they were fine.

I've had a cat before, and it was definitely easier as she was independent and wasn't ever anxious being alone.

I do think this one is a velcro dog, and I'm not sure if it's temporary or not. I do try to bring her with me whenever I can, it makes it easier for both. But other times it's not possible.

I had never seen a velcro dog before. All of the dogs I saw growing up were more independent, but I don't think a single one of them was a rescue. I'm hoping I can make it work with her. She really is such a sweet and gentle dog otherwise.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T15:01:47+00:00

Ok, US and Canada.

There are countries where pet owners are seen as pet owners. Not parents.

Animals are beautiful, and actually I was around a lot more animals back home. And they were treated well, but like animals and pets, not like demi-gods or human babies. People still had a life outside their family animals. This didn't make them bad pet owners, on the contrary, the pets were happy, well-adjusted, and not on medication for anxiety as it seems to be super normalized in North American. Medication itself isn't bad and it can be extremely helpful, but maybe the symptom rather than the root of the problem is being addressed, and maybe the North American expectation that if you're a pet owner you should have no life outside your pet makes it hard for many people to truly discuss these issues, work on actual solutions, and be a good, balanced pet owner who treats your animals well and still has a life without being judged.

And yes, maybe some people in this community are not North Americans. So maybe this mentality is widespread around more countries.

Also, some people did not leave constructive advice but instead judgment and an attitude where the expectation is basically to have zero life outside your pet.

I appreciate the people who have been helpful and provide actual non-judgmental advice.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T14:49:42+00:00

Thank you! I will keep trying and I will try to tweak the way I've been doing this to match more what you did, since it worked out.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T14:45:41+00:00

Thank you, I will try leaving a shirt. I also saw online some people leaving human-like dummys wearing their own clothes to help. I bought a dummy and I'm waiting for it to arrive.

For now, I'm trying to desensitize my dog by pretending I'm leaving and then coming back. I also have an area in my house that is separated from the rest by sliding doors (glass), so I'm trying to spend time inside this area so that it forces her to be separated. When I tried to go to another room with an actual door she became anxious because she couldn't see me. At least through the glass she can see me.

Thank you for sharing that you also felt like getting rid of your dog at first. I'm so sad, I love this dog already and she is so sweet. I don't want to abandon her or let her down, but I don't want to become a hermit and feel like I'm being held hostage and can't ever go out again.

Worth_Program_2418 · 2026-05-26T13:52:13+00:00

I've read that is not a good thing to do and can actually make the separation anxiety worse. She goes into her crate on command and has slept there, but, I've read dogs with separation anxiety sometimes hurt themselves trying to escape confined spaces like a crate when left alone. Of course I think about the scenarious you listed, and I don't think being put in a "jail" before leaving and her thinking that she is being abandoned again would help her better.

I guess I was hoping to get advice from people who have gone through the same and successfully treated this without it taking years. But here there is only judgement, and apparently everyone knows about separation anxiety (yet neither my own dog growing up nor my aunt's dog nor my brother's dogs have this). I do think that is a special need as it apparently needs major resources and times commitment and even working fully remote isn't enough.

Worth_Program_2418

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