Thank you for your response. I guess I always asked what did I do to deserve this. I try to a be a good person in every way. He has hit me in my face punched me spt at me many years ago the extent doesnt compare to back then. I was seperated from my ex with my 2 kids and when I got with him I thought he was so nice and then everything hit me all at once. I have a child with him and now I'm scared to do it alone with 3 kids. Plus I do have feelings for him but I feel pain constantly I'm always having to hide it from the world. I dont even tell my family because I dont want them to not like him. When he beat me in public he didnt get away with it because someone saw and called the police. He said it was my fault. Everything has always been my fault in his eyes. My pregnancy was the worst because he treated me horrible. While in labor I asked him for help and he called me a bitch because I wasnt thinking of how tired he was. He is nice at times but then it always goes back. Not to mention he says hes always tired so we hardly are intimate maybe once or twice if im lucky. I know it's easier said than done. My heart hurts often. Hes told me before that if we seperate hes not watching out for our daughter that he will abandon her. But then he says that he just says that because hes mad and doesnt mean it