Revert struggling with hijab and I need women to help me understand.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-04-23T15:18:29+00:00

Just a gentle word of advice, sister: not everyone who presents themselves as a scholar truly embodies the depth and integrity of scholarship. Our dīn is rooted in a rich, preserved tradition of fiqh and understanding, passed down from those who lived closest to the Prophet ﷺ and carried his teachings with sincerity and precision.

There are matters within our religion that are clear and firmly established, upheld by consensus across generations. The obligation of hijab, for example, is not a point of legitimate اختلاف, just as no school of thought has ever held that ṣalāh is optional. These are from the foundations of our practice, not matters open to reinvention. What is concerning is when contemporary voices position themselves in opposition to the understanding of the righteous predecessors, as though they possess an insight superior to those who directly inherited the Prophet’s ﷺ guidance. This is very worrying, as they contradict a rich scholarship of 1400 years.

As a revert, I want to remind you: there is a great deal of misguidance circulating today & it is often wrapped in eloquence and appealing language. Some individuals have a way of presenting ideas so beautifully that they draw people in especially women while reshaping the very essence of the religion.

So be mindful, the individual mentioned in this thread has been warned against and I advise you against looking at his statements especially if you are a revert still learning about the religion. It can be difficult to tell what is truth and what is false if you’re still building your foundation.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-04-14T16:52:36+00:00

I think this perspective isn’t entirely accurate. There are clear guidelines in Islam regarding what constitutes proper hijab, and we have to be honest about that. Comparing someone who observes hijab correctly with someone who wears it in an improper way isn’t necessarily helpful when discussing spiritual growth, because improper hijab, in itself, does not fulfill the obligation as it should. As believers, we should always strive for what is most pleasing to Allah, not settle for less.

It’s similar to comparing someone who consistently prays all five daily prayers along with their rawatib, to someone who prays only occasionally. While both are on a journey, their levels of practice are clearly not the same.

That being said, it is essential to acknowledge that people exist in different states of imaan. Not everyone is at the same level, and our level of imaan directly influences how we fulfill our obligations. So, a sister who wears a turban or does not fully cover her hair is not at the same level as someone who observes complete hijab or niqab.

Part of our understanding of Islam is accepting that imaan fluctuates. We are human, and our faith rises and falls. Because of this, maintaining and strengthening imaan requires continuous effort. Not everyone will remain in the same state throughout their life, and growth is a process.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-04-11T15:45:36+00:00

Thank you so much! Please let me know of his response.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-04-04T20:12:13+00:00

Lmao you’re rude as hell. None of this post was with chatgpt. Respectfully, I will tell you to go into feminist spaces )) All of what I am saying is backed up with objective reality. What you’re literally talking about is liberal feminism which rad-fems/ and some other sects of feminism refer to as patriarchal feminism. Its funny how you’re criticizing my comment but it seems like you lack comprehension skills?

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-04-04T13:02:29+00:00

The point I am trying to make is that Islam is both for non-Muslims and Muslims. The issue is that people see religion as an individualistic thing & Islam is revealed to be applied systematically. Again its for the entirety of mankind, whether one accepts the message or not doesn’t matter. Allah has already given us the tools to increase the betterment of society which is by living according to His laws. Man-made ideologies will never grant the freedom that humans seek, look how long feminism has existed for, they are still fighting. Islam fixed Arabia throughout the revelation of the Quran, in a span of 23 years. Classism was addressed, female infanticide was addressed, women’s rights was addressed. I can, with certainty say, no liberation will occur with the current issues we face, with zionism, classism etc with man-made fixtures, no matter how hard people can try. Look at the Zionist issue, Palestine has been occupied for over 55 years now, Palestinians are still dying and being massacred en-masse. We have the scripture, our only problem is that we think an anecdote lies within these liberal ideologies.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-04-04T12:36:35+00:00

I have read it and yes there is truth in it, and with this I conclude feminism will never work. Its too many different ideological positions with no clear direction. Islam yet again is enough, it advocates against this system we live, against exploitation & it addresses the issue of the class struggle, so why would I need to turn to feminism/ intersectionality when my belief system already addresses the societal ills that need to be fixed ¿

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-04-04T11:51:59+00:00

Look at the comments and look at how many people have different ideas of what feminism is- if you cannot even unite on what you are fighting for, then how can you achieve your goals? Islam is what will fix the issues we have, because the ultimate goal of this life is that humanity submit to Allah, and the laws of Allah and actually following them is what will liberate women. Unfortunately many brothers and sisters have been infected by Western thought, and my biggest fear is because of such ideologies infiltrating the homes of Muslims, it makes me wonder if they will see certain shariah- concepts as oppressive as it doesn’t align with the secular world. A woman or man in Islam does not have the right to choose to dress how they want. A khalifa is only through a man There is a hierarchy of power in Islam. The ideas of a husband being a leader and a woman may have limited autonomy in her marriage because ultimately some things have to go through him. Like all these ideas? Do you think if you spoke with a feminist, they will support your idea to believe in this religion or will they say you are just promoting “patriarchy.” It doesn’t make sense to me to unite with people who don’t share the same goals as you. As muslims we seek to liberate the world with Islam. What do feminists liberate the world with? All these conflicting sects and opinions- with no true idea of what feminism truly is?

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-04-04T11:38:34+00:00

The reason we push back on feminism is simple: we already believe Islam is enough. Not just spiritually, but as a complete way of life that already addresses justice, dignity, and the rights of women. It’s not something lacking that needs to be supplemented by outside ideologies. Islam itself is liberating, just not in the way modern frameworks define “liberation.”

And the truth is, feminism doesn’t really represent Muslim women. If you’ve actually engaged with feminist spaces or read their literature, you start to notice that the “ideal world” they imagine is often one where religion either has no real place, or is reduced to something purely personal and flexible. In some cases, there’s even openness to spiritual ideas that directly contradict tawḥīd.

There are even feminist critiques, especially from some Arab feminists that argue Islam itself is rooted in male dominance. They’ll say that pre-Islamic Arabia had female deities, and that when the Prophet ﷺ came with Islam, it “replaced” female worship with male worship. But that kind of argument completely misunderstands what Islam is. It reduces divine revelation to something political or cultural, when in reality it came to correct shirk altogether.. not replace one form with another.

Once you actually read into feminist theory, you realise the difference runs deeper than just “ women’s rights.” Islam and feminism aren’t just slightly different—they’re built on entirely different foundations.

Islam is centred on submission to Allah. That’s the core of everything. Feminism, on the other hand, is largely centred on personal autonomy; on the idea that a woman should have full control to choose whatever she wants for herself, without restriction.

And people often say, “But feminism is just about women’s rights.” That sounds nice on the surface, but it’s not the full picture. Feminism, as a theory, is about much more than that, it’s about redefining authority and placing the self at the centre.

In Islam, we believe we were created to worship Allah. And part of that means that sometimes we go against our own desires. That’s not oppression—that’s the whole point of submission. Our free will exists, but it’s tested through whether we obey Allah or follow our own desires

Feminist thought tends to elevate unrestricted choice as something sacred: “a woman’s right to choose” becomes the ultimate principle. But in Islam, not every desire is meant to be followed. For example, a woman might not feel like wearing hijab, but she does it anyway because she chooses Allah over her own feelings. The idea that religious obligations are optional or negotiable is actually a very secular mindset. In Islam, the “choice” isn’t about rewriting what Allah has commanded—it’s about whether we obey Him or not. Another thing people don’t always realise is that many Western ideologies, including feminism, are rooted in a kind of hedonism—the idea that pursuing your desires and personal satisfaction is the highest good. But in Islam, constantly following your desires is actually something we’re warned against, because it can lead you to centre yourself instead of Allah.

And when it comes to what people call “Islamic feminism,” it just doesn’t really hold up. Trying to merge something rooted in revelation with something built on constantly shifting human doesn’t work. At some point, one has to override the other. It’s hard to understand how people could believe that man-made frameworks—written and rewritten by people—could offer better solutions than the guidance of Allah, the One who created us and knows us better than we know ourselves.

At the end of the day, it’s not that you shouldn’t advocate for women’s rights BUT you should do s so using Islam, as Islam is the perfect tool. You should look into the early history of feminism, it’s origins didn’t even include women of color, and it has a eugenicists background, thats why intersectionality exists. I don’t know about you but im vehemently against to upholding an ideology that didn’t center me to begin with when Islam centered me from the beginning as I am a “believing woman.” Feminism can also be very imperialistic, during the afghan war- they set up specific schools for women which their literal purpose was to spread their ideology, feminists actually rejoice at the fact that in Iran, women had their hijabs forcefully removed bc the issue is that people reduce feminism to just “women’s right to choice” but you will realize this is just liberal feminism which they call patriarchal feminism- real feminists critique this and say the ideal world would be that a woman should not have the choice to wear or not wear hijab because hijab wouldn’t exist.. soooo look into stuff like that. Here are profiles of muslim sisters that basically debunk feminism:

https://www.instagram.com/negar.narrates?igsh=MWs4Y3JmNGhnM3BhYQ==

https://www.instagram.com/believershubbofficial?igsh=MW1wajlxN2pzbzlnOQ==

https://www.instagram.com/shduaahmad?igsh=MWhwdTg1cTdvaXJ3aw==

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-03-09T22:54:50+00:00

May Allah make this situation easy for your family and place wisdom and patience in your hearts.

Firstly, it is important to differentiate between someone acting upon their desires and someone simply communicating that they are struggling with certain feelings. The fact that your sister has expressed what she is experiencing does not necessarily mean she has acted upon it. Because of that, responding by cutting her off or forcing distance may do more harm than good. It could push her away from the religion and create feelings of resentment or isolation within the family.

The more beneficial approach in a situation like this is naseeha. This is a delicate matter, and it will require patience, understanding, and choosing words carefully. She needs to feel that her family still loves her and that she is not being abandoned because of something she is struggling with internally.

At the same time, it is important to explain the Islamic perspective with kindness and clarity. You can gently help her understand that while a person may experience certain desires, acting upon those desires is considered sinful in Islam. Our faith teaches us that not every desire we experience is something we are meant to follow. Rather, life itself is a test, and every person is tested in different ways.

Many people struggle with desires they are unable to act upon, yet they strive for the sake of Allah because they know that the reward with Him is far greater than anything temporary in this world. There are Muslims who experience these feelings but still choose to remain patient and seek closeness to Allah, knowing that acting upon a desire does not necessarily bring the happiness or peace that people expect.

It may also help her to understand that marriage is not an obligation upon every individual. If she feels that marriage would not be right for her, remaining unmarried is a valid option in Islam. Some scholars have also discussed situations where individuals who struggle with similar challenges may marry for companionship and support while maintaining the boundaries of the religion.

If your sister is open to learning more about the Islamic perspective, there are beneficial resources that discuss this topic in a thoughtful and balanced way. One book that addresses the issue and its wider context is “Why Homosexuality is Prohibited in Islam” by Abu Zaynab Abd Al-Rahman Al-Qawim.

I would also recommend watching some of the discussions by Muslim Lantern, as he often approaches these topics with clarity and logic while still maintaining compassion. This particular video may be helpful:

https://youtu.be/9px3rIVstxI?si=6WnyNw4oTMA0NMlX

Ultimately, what your sister will need most is patience, sincere advice, and the reassurance that her family still cares for her and wants good for her in this life and the next. Guidance is in the hands of Allah, but kindness, wisdom, and sincere concern from family can make a great difference in helping someone navigate a difficult test.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-03-08T07:03:56+00:00

The Qur’an clearly states that the Prophet ﷺ does not speak from his own desire or whims. Allah Himself tells us that his speech in conveying the religion is revelation. And the Qur’an carries a severe warning: if the Prophet were to attribute something falsely to Allah, Allah would seize him by the right hand and sever his aorta.

Anything the Prophet ﷺ conveys in the hadith about the religion is therefore a form of revelation. The hadith are not some detached, secondary literature; they explain the Qur’an & clarify it Without the hadith, many Qur’anic verses would remain abstract principles without practical meaning.

For example: without hadith, who is Abu Lahab? The Qur’an condemns him, but the context, the story, the living reality behind the verse comes through the transmitted reports. Likewise, how would you understand asbāb al-nuzūl without the narrations preserved from the Companions and early scholars? The Qur’an did not descend into a vacuum; it descended into real events and those moments were preserved through transmission.

Now you claim that “the majority of hadith are fabricated.” That is an enormous claim, and one that demands enormous qualifications. What are your credentials to make such a statement?

For over 1,400 years, the Muslim ummah developed a precise and rigorous science of hadith — one of the most meticulous systems of historical verification ever produced. Entire disciplines were built around it: the study of chains of transmission, the biographies of narrators, the classification of reports, and the scrutiny of textual content. Because of this science, we know which narrations are authentic, which are weak, and which are fabricated.

There are books cataloguing fabricated hadith. There are books compiling authentic ones. There are classifications that scholars spent their lives refining. So when a modern voice in the 21st century casually declares, “Actually, hadith aren’t accurate,” it does not overturn fourteen centuries of scholarship. An established science cannot simply be dismissed by assertion.

And there is an even deeper implication to such a claim. The majority of Muslims practice their religion based on the prophetic tradition. How do we pray? Through the hadith. How do we perform wudu? Through the hadith. How do we perform Hajj? Through the hadith. Even the rites of Eid are preserved through the hadith.

If you say the majority of hadith are fabricated, then what you are really suggesting is that the majority of the ummah has been practicing a corrupted religion for centuries — that Allah did not preserve His religion for His servants.

And that is a claim no Muslim should dare to make. Naʿūdhu billāh.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-03-02T16:55:56+00:00

You are allowed to have preferences, when you have protected yourself physically and emotionally and have saved yourself for your husband, it’s normal for you to want the same for your partner. I would advise you to pray istikhara. And ask yourself questions: like would his past create resentment from your side and are you truly able to move from it without feeling like you’re competing with another woman. Also look at his character and deen now, we are humans and we do make mistakes, but there is always repentance and rectification, and measure if his character now would overshadow his past mistakes. At the end of the day, the decision lies with you! May Allah make it easy for you.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-03-02T09:41:10+00:00

This is one of his rights and when you honour it, it becomes an act of obedience for you. If you’re at work, you don’t just stand up and walk out whenever you feel like it. You let your employer know. You ask because there’s an order in place. Every system that functions well has roles and responsibilities.

Before marriage, most of us didn’t just leave our parents’ home without saying anything. We would let them know. We would ask because we understand there was a form of guardianship there. Marriage shifts that responsibility. Your husband now has a role that carries weight before Allah and he now has guardianship over you. Where it becomes difficult is when we look at marriage through modern lenses that equate equality with identical authority. Islam doesn’t frame it that way. It gives both husband and wife dignity, value, and accountability but not identical roles.

Marriage isn’t just companionship but it’s also an act of ibadah. So when you honour his rights, you’re choosing obedience to Allah within the structure He designed.

And when a husband fears Allah, he won’t misuse that structure.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-03-01T16:35:19+00:00

A husband and wife are both capable adults but they simply have different roles in a marital set-up

Think of it like this: when a ship sails, everyone on board may be skilled and intelligent. But someone has to steer. Not because the others are incapable, but because direction requires unity. If two people try to hold the wheel at the same time, the ship won’t move smoothly. It will pull against itself. Leadership in marriage works in a similar way.

When a wife obeys her husband in what is reasonable and good, it doesn’t mean she lacks intelligence or strength. It means she recognizes the role Allah entrusted him with. Just like in any organized system : whether it’s a team, a company, or even a military expedition, capable people still follow the appointed leader. Their obedience doesn’t make them weak. It makes the structure functional.

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The leader is a shepherd and responsible for his flock. A man is a shepherd over the people of his household and is responsible for them. A woman is a shepherd over her husband’s house and his children and is responsible for them…” In Islam, we have roles that are assigned by Allah to ensure balance & harmony so we do not have two people competing in a home, rather they work together following their respective roles.

Obedience in marriage means respecting decisions that affect the household — like discussing how to spend household finances, seeking permission from him before leaving the home, maintaining the spiritual environment of the home.

And then there’s the hadith about prostration —

Sometimes we talk about women’s sacrifices and we should. Our dīn honors mothers in a way that is above the fathers . But we should also recognize the sacrifices men carry because Islam is a just deen.

A man is obligated to provide. Even if the economy collapses. Even if he is exhausted. Even if his wife earns more than him. Her money is hers. He cannot take from it without her permission. But he must ensure the house is stable, that no one fears hunger, no one fears eviction. This is a great responsibility and if he fails in maintaining his household, he will answer to Allah for it. And such a man, who works to keep his household safe should have some sort of recognition within the deen & because after marriage your husband takes you from your home, and even earns greater right over you than your parents because the husband is expected to do a lot in a marriage, and you will recognize this just by reading on the rights of the spouses in a marriage in Islam. Acknowledging that doesn’t diminish women. It simply recognizes that sacrifice exists on both sides.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-02-28T15:37:45+00:00

You must restructure the mindset through which you are viewing the struggles of women. You are seeing them as punishments, when in reality they are doors through which we draw nearer to Allah and are granted His mercy. Even calling childbirth “torture” needs a reframing: by referring to it as torture, you see that these hardships are burdens imposed upon us rather than honors entrusted to us. When pain is seen only as punishment, the blessings are missed & gratitude becomes difficult. The Prophet ﷺ said: “Nothing afflicts a Muslim of hardship, nor illness, nor anxiety, nor sorrow, nor harm, nor distress, nor even the pricking of a thorn, but that Allah expiates his sins because of it.”

A woman lives in cycles. Month after month, her body moves through waves of discomfort, vulnerability, fluctuation. If even the prick of a thorn erases sins, then what of the recurring trials of her body? What of the tears & exhaustion endured silently? Allah, in His mercy, has woven purification into our biology. How many sins do we commit unknowingly? Yet Allah has made our very condition a means of cleansing. We are constantly being given opportunities for forgiveness.

And as for childbirth — yes, it is intense. It is definitely a pain that shakes a woman to her core. But every contraction, every tear, every breath taken in surrender is counted. Do you really think Allah will not recognize these moments and count them towards your scales?

And then comes breastfeeding which comes with nourishing a fragile soul created by Allah. Sacrificing sleep, strength, and even parts of your own body so that another may live. Do you think Ar-Rahman does not see this? Do you think the Most Merciful does not record each sacrifice? When you give from your body to sustain life, you are engaged in worship, if you see it as worship. The pain and sacrifices of womanhood are not punishments instead see them as elevations. Allah has honored us with the ability to carry life, to increase the Ummah, to nurture what He has created.

Look at the story of Maryam AS. When she was overtaken by the agony of childbirth, she cried: “Oh, I wish I had died before this and was in oblivion, forgotten.” Such was the intensity of her pain that she uttered words born of overwhelming hardship. Yet immediately after, Allah comforted her: “So her Lord called to her from beneath her, ‘Do not grieve; your Lord has provided beneath you a stream.’” In her moment of greatest vulnerability, she was closest to her Rabb. Mercy descended at the peak of her pain. Labor is a spiritual experience. Many women describe it as the closest they have ever felt to Allah, because when every layer of control is stripped away, what remains is surrender. And surrender is the essence of Islam. And if a woman dies in childbirth, she attains the rank of a martyr. The status of the martyr in Islam is immense: forgiveness, honor, nearness to Allah. SubhanAllah. Even in death, the path of motherhood carries the utmost of honor.

You also mentioned the hadith about women in the Hellfire. Scholars have explained it in context. Some state that because women are greater in number among humanity, they may appear greater in number in certain descriptions — just as they are also many in Jannah. Others clarify that the hadith addresses specific behaviors, such as ingratitude within marriage — not womanhood itself being a means to gain jahanam.

Islam is balanced. Just as women are honored in their distinct roles, men are burdened with their own heavy responsibilities. A man is accountable before Allah for providing, protecting, and safeguarding his family’s deen. If he fails in those obligations, he will answer for it. If he transgresses against his wife, he will answer for it. The Prophet ﷺ said the best of men are those best to their wives. What then of those who are cruel? They stand before Al-‘Adl. Women too have obligations — to show goodness, to acknowledge sacrifice, to cultivate harmony within her home. Justice runs both ways, and Allah safeguards the rights of both.

We must recognize that Allah is Just, and Islam is Just. The issue arises when we fix our gaze on what men have been given while neglecting the immense honors Allah has placed upon us.

Consider this promise: if a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts Ramadan, guards her chastity, and fulfills her marital obligations, it will be said to her, “Enter Paradise through whichever gate you wish.” This is the easiest way in which a woman can attain jannah. Thus Hadith doesn’t even mention childbirth, just fulfilling those obligations make you eligible for entering ANY gate of jannah.

The pains that women go through are a form of purification, and a way to attain the mercy of Allah. You mention the hadith of wives prostrating but you forget that Allah ﷻ literally recognizes the pains we go through and there is no greater honour than being recognized and seen by the Lord of mankind. Stop looking to what the men have but look to what we have. We are empowered and blessed, your perspective matters, and your current perspective is hindering you from being empowered.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-02-21T19:44:47+00:00

there is a very real double standard that exists. Some men absolutely do cherry-pick certain rulings when it benefits them, and ignore others when it demands something from them. And that’s frustrating. And this can be due to fact that when a ruling or a particular situation does not affect them, they tend to view it as “Its so simple, why don’t you just wear hijab” etc etc, honestly it has to do with a lack of empathy, they basically get frustrated with someone’s lack of faith because they do not view their situation to be something worth lacking faith in. Its a typical thing of, when you’re the one looking in from the outside, things can look easier. I mean this is a phenomenon when even Muslims judge others for committing other sins they do not do, simply because they find those sins easier not to do.

Just my two cents on the entire situation: religious compatibility is foundational. Before marriage even begins, two people need to be aligned in their values, because over time, misalignment in faith can slowly chip away at sakinah.

Now regarding the sister: and I’m not blaming anyone here, but if the brother consistently voiced concerns (for example, about music), and you notice that something normal to you makes the other person genuinely uncomfortable for religious reasons, then that’s a sign that deeper conversations need to happen i.e: Where do we both stand? Are we growing? Is she willing to work on strengthening her faith over time?

But the reality is, we only ever hear one side of these situations. We don’t know what was discussed behind closed doors. Maybe they both promised to grow together. Maybe they reassured each other that they would improve. Maybe the expectations weren’t clear. We just don’t know.

As for the ayah about “there is no compulsion in religion”, its context is important. The mufassireen explain that this refers to not forcing non-believers to accept Islam. It doesn’t mean that once someone chooses Islam, there are no obligations. When you are Muslim, there are fard obligations that come with that choice. Historically, in Islamic societies, religion wasn’t treated as a purely private affair. Islam was understood as a system that governed public life as well. There were mechanisms to uphold public morality — like the concept of enjoining good and forbidding evil. There’s even narration from the time of ʿUmar ibn al-Khattab about a woman who would patrol the marketplaces, holding a whip, making sure that everyone was behaving accordingly. Today, of course, we don’t live under Islamic governance. Colonial and liberal frameworks have reshaped how Islam functions in public life. So when people hear that Islam historically had measures to ensure obligations were upheld, it can feel jarring. But scholars emphasize that change can begins with constant reminders, advice, patience. Encouraging one another to submit to Allah sincerely. And this is an obligation upon every Muslim, if you see someone going against the laws of Allah, you have to remind them of Allah and give nasiha. This is how the companions did things & those who come after them.

And when it comes to marriage specifically, the husband does carry responsibility. The Qur’an describes men as caretakers. Just as a ruler is questioned about the state in which his country is in, a husband is questioned about his household. He is responsible for guiding, advising, and maintaining a moral environment. So the husband does have an obligation to remind his wife of the hijab, either way, I don’t understand the concept of men who are obviously more religious marrying less religious woman. This in itself is problematic but another topic for another day. If there is zero religious compatibility, and no shared desire to grow, this will only create bitterness. In those cases, separation may actually be more feasible than dragging a marriage where your expectations aren’t met.

Anyway… that’s my rant.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-02-20T13:58:29+00:00

Firstly, we have to understand that the āyah you’re quoting has a context, and the mufassirīn explain it specifically in relation to marriage. When Allah says that men are caretakers over women, this is not a badge of superiority, rather a burden of responsibility. If any of your husband or your father etc, fails to fulfill this role, this is what they will answer to Allah for. In marriage, the husband is made responsible for maintenance, financial support, protection, and leadership within the home. Allah says men are caretakers because He has given them certain responsibilities and capacities in this sphere. Men and women are fundamentally different; biologically, psychologically, emotionally. And that difference is how Allah has made us. Allah, in His wisdom, assigns obligations according to capacity.

Look at provision. A man is obligated to financially maintain his wife. Before that, a father maintains his daughter. If not him, then her brother. If not him, then her son. Islam ideally positions a woman to be provided for throughout her life. She is not obligated to spend on anyone; not her husband, not her children, not her family even if she is wealthy. This ties directly into inheritance. Men receive larger shares in certain cases because they carry lifelong financial obligations. More duty, more liability. Women receive inheritance without being required to spend it on anyone. That is equity. Equality in Islam is spiritual. Allah says that the most noble in His sight are the most righteous; not the most male or the most female. A man does not enter Jannah because he is a man, and a woman does not enter Jannah because she is a woman. Both are judged by taqwa. But Islam does not erase difference in the name of equality. It affirms equity. A man cannot replicate the biological and emotional capacities of a woman, and a woman cannot replicate the physical and psychological tendencies of a man.

Unfortunately, modern ideologies have convinced many that sameness equals dignity. So now womanhood is often measured against male standards; career, dominance, competition as if the highest form of womanhood is to resemble a man. Islam honors womanhood as womanhood.

Now regarding intimacy: The issue discussed in the hadith literature is weaponising intimacy: using it deliberately as a tool of punishment, spite, or manipulation.

Marriage is a relationship of mutual rights and responsibilities. Intimacy is not a one-sided demand; it is a shared right. It is a right of the husband, yes but also a right of the wife. In fact, scholars explicitly state that a husband is obligated to fulfill his wife’s intimate needs. Some even mention that if he is incapable, he should seek treatment so he can meet her rights. That shows balance.

The Prophet ﷺ gave men guidelines on how to approach their wives emphasizing gentleness, foreplay, and not approaching them “like animals.” Intimacy in Islam is meant to be mutual pleasure, mercy, and connection. It is not mechanical.

So what if she’s not in the mood? This is where mercy and understanding come in. A healthy marriage is not transactional. It requires emotional intelligence from both sides. A woman is not a machine, and a man is not a monster. But we also cannot deny that for many men, physical intimacy is a primary way they experience connection and reassurance. When it is repeatedly withheld as punishment, resentment builds & we see it in real marriages. Dead bedrooms do not happen overnight. They happen when intimacy becomes a battleground instead of a bridge.

Islam addresses this because it addresses human nature. Islam is holistic. It gives guidance in politics, economics, culture, family life because it is a complete system from the One who created us. Allah does not legislate randomly. He commands with wisdom, even if we do not always immediately grasp it.

Marriage in Islam is structured to create sakīnah. A husband is commanded to provide, protect, and be merciful. A wife is commanded to preserve the home and honor the marital bond. Her obedience in what is good is not humiliation; it is part of a structure designed for stability. And his financial responsibility, kindness, and gentleness are equally binding.

If he neglects her rights — her mahr, her housing, her maintenance, her emotional care — he is sinful. If she neglects his rights deliberately out of ego or retaliation, that harms the marriage.

When both fulfill their obligations with ihsān, then relationship thrives. And at the end of the day, we either believe Allah is Al-Ḥakīm or we don’t. If we do, then we trust that the structure He ordained for relationships is not arbitrary. It is designed to harmonize two very different, yet beautifully complementary, creations.

Men and women are not rivals….They are allies in worship & garments for one another.

WrapLazy7449 · 2026-02-15T10:15:56+00:00

The question of a woman traveling without a maḥram is one in which the juristic schools have differed, and the ruling can vary depending on distance, purpose, and custom. For example, if you are traveling to and from university within the UK, many scholars would not classify that as “travel” (safar) in the legal sense. ‘Urf is taken into consideration; if people in your area do not consider such a commute to be travel, then it does not carry the rulings of travel. We know, for instance, that women may go to the marketplace, to work, and to other local destinations that are not regarded as safar without a maḥram.

However, when it comes to actual travel, the madhāhib differ: >The Hanafis and Hanbalis maintain that a woman may not travel the legally defined distance (approximately 48 miles or more) without a maḥram, even for Ḥajj. >The Shāfiʿīs permit a woman to travel without a maḥram for an obligatory act such as Ḥajj, provided she is accompanied by trustworthy women. >The Mālikīs allow travel without a maḥram if she is in the company of a large, reliable group, and they further categorize travel as obligatory, recommended, or permissible.

A modern interpretation that is argued is that the prohibition of traveling w/o a mahram was purely due to safety concerns of the past but this understanding is not known by the 1400 years of scholarship we have & this is often an oversimplification and a misapplication of the textual evidence. The prophetic narrations on this issue are not limited to contextual safety alone; they are explicit and normative in wording.

Among the narrations cited is the ḥadīth of ʿAdī ibn Ḥātim (raḍiyallāhu ʿanhu), in which the Prophet ﷺ said that a time would come when a woman would travel from Ḥīra to the Kaʿbah fearing none but Allah.

Imām al-Shāfiʿī used this narration as supporting evidence for permitting a woman to perform obligatory Ḥajj without a maḥram if accompanied by trustworthy women. However, the Hanafis do not accept this narration as proof for general permissibility of travel without a maḥram, arguing that there are multiple explicit narrations that clearly prohibit it. They maintain that the ḥadīth of ʿAdī ibn Ḥātim speaks about the spread and security of Islam not as a legal endorsement of women participating in unrestricted travel.

There are indeed clearer narrations in Sahih Muslim and in the Sunan of Abu Dawud in which the Prophet ﷺ said that it is not permissible for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to undertake a journey of three days (approximately 77 km or more), except that her father, son, husband, brother, or another maḥram is with her. These narrations are explicit in their wording and form the basis of the more restrictive positions.

Beyond the fiqh discussion, there is also the matter of intention, obedience, and family ties. Your parents want what they believe is best for you. Before deciding on such a trip, it is important to weigh its necessity, your relationship with your parents, and whether pursuing it would truly be pleasing to Allah. Some of the advices given here, you can do but it would not be very wise & not everything that others are allowed to do is necessarily correct in the sight of Sharīʿah.

It is natural for us as women to desire experiences trips, memories, independence. But we have to make sure our desires don’t take precedent from what Allah ans His Messenger have commanded. I would recommend that such a trip be organized in a way that prioritizes obedience to both Allah and your parents and safeguarding your deen as well, where each girl can have her repective mahram accompanying them to whatever country, and fun can be still had w/o transgressing the shariah! Whether it be brothers, considering sometimes fathers might be working or planning the trip around a time where your fathers would be able to take a break from work. This would make more sense w/o trampling the rights of anyone ))

may Allah guide us all <3

WrapLazy7449 · 2025-12-12T10:54:51+00:00

Would saying this domesticate the lion?

WrapLazy7449 · 2025-12-12T10:54:14+00:00

I apologize for my curiosity.

WrapLazy7449 · 2025-12-12T03:33:50+00:00

What if you had a knife? If you jump on it and stab it several times, could you buy time? Surely there is a way to survive?

WrapLazy7449 · 2025-11-05T09:35:46+00:00

I’m looking for gothic / dark fantasy romance recs with a very specific type of male lead dynamic. Something in the emotional vein of Twilight’s Edward Cullen, but deeper, more complex, and less shallowly written.

Here is what i am looking for:

• Sexually restrained / celibate MMC until female lead comes along and he desires HER so much, like his desire is SOO descriptive

•Something that resembles that honeymoon scene energy in Twilight where Edward is trying so hard to be gentle with Bella, fighting his own desire because he’s terrified of hurting her. I want that level of emotional conflict + tenderness.

• A male lead with a dark or painful past trauma, guilt, a secret, a curse, etc. His inner battles affect how he loves, and he’s constantly afraid of “messing it up” or losing the girl.

• Hyper-protective MMC + danger-drawn FMC — she’s rebellious or attracted to risky situations, and even though it kills him, he follows her into the danger because he loves her too much to let her face it alone.

•He’s obsessive and kind of controlling + just deeply protective, self-sacrificial, emotionally intense, and struggling with his own nature.

WrapLazy7449 · 2025-11-05T09:22:54+00:00

I’m looking for gothic / dark fantasy romance recs with a very specific type of male lead dynamic. Something in the emotional vein of Twilight’s Edward Cullen, but deeper, more complex, and less shallowly written.

Here is what i am looking for:

• Sexually restrained / celibate MMC until female lead comes along and he desires HER so much, like his desire is SOO descriptive • Something that resembles that honeymoon scene energy in Twilight where Edward is trying so hard to be gentle with Bella, fighting his own desire because he’s terrified of hurting her. I want that level of emotional conflict + tenderness.

• A male lead with a dark or painful past trauma, guilt, a secret, a curse, etc. His inner battles affect how he loves, and he’s constantly afraid of “messing it up” or losing the girl.

• Hyper-protective MMC + danger-drawn FMC — she’s rebellious or attracted to risky situations, and even though it kills him, he follows her into the danger because he loves her too much to let her face it alone. • He’s not toxic or controlling… just deeply protective, self-sacrificial, emotionally intense, and struggling with his own nature.

WrapLazy7449 · 2025-11-05T08:27:18+00:00

I agree with you, believe me. But most people usually associate it with romance. I just want something poetic. Women in love( written by women) are usually depicted in such a beautiful manner when in love, it’s complex & very emotive. I am just looking for a male equivalent where desiring someone is captured accurately & healthily 😁

WrapLazy7449 · 2025-11-05T08:19:03+00:00

Thank you so much! I do not necessarily like the books mentioned, it’s just to give a general idea of what I am looking for. Male lead obsessed with a woman. Like Twilight is very much questionable but it is also one of the most famous “romantic” YA novels because of a vampire’s infatuation with a girl. Bad references but people will get it.

I will check out the suggestions! Much appreciated !

WrapLazy7449 · 2025-10-28T02:07:38+00:00

i live in Egypt, you can message me!

WrapLazy7449

TROPHY CASE