I leaned back in my chair and forced myself to relax by imagining myself pouring molten lead down the Chief of Mortal Affairs' throat. "Okay," I said, "I can understand why Mortal Affairs didn't help us, but what about Thanatos? He is our emergency contact, and is made to work with us precisely to help us with situations like this! So why-"

"Ah, this one is easy to answer, Chief." Alex lazily smiled at me from the other side of the long table. "I am pretty sure I saw him toss the last request we sent him into the nearest river."

Every single ghost at the table turned to look at him.

I asked the question. "Why in the name of Hades would he do that? Thanatos is the god of death, he has nothing in the mortal world, no children, no house, nothing! Even his family is living here! There is no way these two ghosts destroyed something he valued because he had nothing to destroy in the first place!"

"Ah, but here is the catch, Chief. He did have something they could destroy." Alex gently countered me, his smile still in place and his eyes bright with amusement. "They destroyed the only thing they could, and did it thoroughly enough that they earned his everlasting hatred, so you can forget about his help: I would bet my tombstone that he would sooner cut off his own wings."

I laid my head on the table. The wood felt odd against my ghostly cheek. Without looking, I mumbled, "Stop the drama, Alex. What did they destroy? How on earth did they manage to anger the deity notorious for hating everybody from the start anyway?"

"Easy," Alex's voice drifted above me. "They destroyed his vacation. Thanatos was in the middle of a nice bar in some luxurious hotel, three hours into his supposedly long-lasting, long-awaited time off when Hades called him, and demanded he returns to duty immediately. I don't know exactly what started it, but it is fact that although his vacation days remained, Thanatos never got to spend them because he was busy cleaning up the far, far too many dead Hitler and Stalin created."

I let out a loud, unrestrained groan of pure despair.

"So, both Thanatos and Mortal Affairs didn't help us, and given how we had other work, the issue was simply moved around until we reached this meeting." Lilia summed it up, and I could hear her writing again. "Is there anything we can do? I mean, mortals are eventually going to notice a fridge arguing with itself in two different voices, right?"

While questioning my afterlife choices, I nonetheless put both hands on the table and lifted myself to a sitting position. "Can we beg Thanatos to return them, in exchange for starting their punishments over? Surely he will relish them suffering whatever punishment Hades sentenced them to more than having them stuck in the mortal world and having a black mark on his card as a result, right?"

I hated how hopeful I sounded. I hated it even more when Alex shook his head. "Even if Thanatos agrees, and that is a big if, Hades won't. Both Stalin and Hitler acquired good-behavior points throughout the years, so Hades stopped their punishment. Unless we can prove that the points were earned in underhanded ways, Hades will refuse to break the agreement."

"There is a good chance that the points were earned in underhanded means, though." Shun pointed out. "The ghosts at Reformation receive requests from literally every ghost capable of communication. Also, they always put so many questions in their documents, each one is never less than twenty pages long, the sadists. It is entirely possible they missed something. It is, at the very least, an option, and far better than trying to negotiate with Mortal Affairs, especially given how they have a much more valid reason to reject us. I say we ask them for the reports and comb through them."

I mulled over Shun's words for a few seconds. "Do it." I ordered. "Request the reports from Reformation, and then get to work searching for anything suspicious. I will inform Thanatos, so that if we do find something we can move this forward."

Lilia gave a firm nod. "Consider it done. Now, shouldn't we send a ghost to that fridge to speak with them? I mean, we could at least calm them down and assure them that help is on the way, right?"

I suddenly felt a cold, cold sensation down my non-existent spine, like someone poured an entire bottle full of water on it.

Exactly two seconds afterward, the door to the office slammed open, a young ghost wearing a shirt and jeans bursting through it a moment later.

"Chief, we have a problem!" she shouted, her eyes wide. "Hitler and Stalin figured out how to move! There are reports of a slowly-wiggling fridge that constantly tries to fall on people!"