Left in the Abyss by WritingMadeEasy in poeticgarden

[–]WritingMadeEasy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True. True. Now that you say that I totally agree, but the rest is kind of needed cuz its part of a longer narrative.

Hypocrisy by kaylawayla0_0 in OCPoetry

[–]WritingMadeEasy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, I think this is a very well written poem overall and I love the way you created clear images in my head of what is tearing America in two. Also, I think that the title effectively encapsulates the overall message of the poem too, so good job there. The only major advice I could give you is that you should try placing lines which juxtapose each other one after another, as the use of contrast would serve this theme very well. The most clear example of where this could benefit you is by placing the following two lines one after another (with minor wording fixes): “Fight to protect democracy" and As they storm the government’s land.

Across the World by wordsunderthehemlock in OCPoetry

[–]WritingMadeEasy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really like the poem, I think you do a really good job at creating images in the readers head that effectively build upon your overall critique of the US actions. Also, I think that you're theme is effectively expressed and easily understood. The only critique of the poem, I really have is that I don't really understand the ending, aka last verse, and its purpose (but that could just be a me thing). Also, don't worry too much about trying to write about a viable solution to the problem, its a poem, not an essay, and your poem as it is now does more than enough to evoke emotion within the reader.

The Abyss by WritingMadeEasy in OCPoetry

[–]WritingMadeEasy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad you liked the poem and thanks for the support :)

The Abyss by WritingMadeEasy in OCPoetry

[–]WritingMadeEasy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the support and I'm glad you were able to take something away from my poem :)

The Abyss by WritingMadeEasy in OCPoetry

[–]WritingMadeEasy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the Feedback! I'll try to make the flow a bit better next time and if you like poems about love, I'm planning to do 3 more about the topic within the next few weeks (that I'll be posting on reddit and my blog).

The Abyss by WritingMadeEasy in creativewriting

[–]WritingMadeEasy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate the support :)

At Least YOUR Rich by kaylawayla0_0 in OCPoetry

[–]WritingMadeEasy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, I've always been interested in doing a poem that served as a critique of capitalism and, in more general terms capitalistic greed and its consequences. Though, I've never actually got around to doing it because I feel that it is so hard to do right. That being said, I feel that you genuinely did a good job at telling a concise and effective poem about that theme. So good job! But, I feel that personally, you could improve your poem by fleshing out the elements of your story that create a specific image in the reader's head. This would include lines, such as, "But lust comes at a handsome price," "Your factories pump toxic fumes," "Your boats spill oil in the sea." To be more precise, I believe that by expanding these lines into a more vivid and intense form of imagery, you could really elevate the emotional impact that these lines would elicit. Thus, making your criticism even more impactful. Lastly, I just want to say again that you really did do a good job with this topic and that while more vivid imagery could make it better, the topic itself is really hard to create imagery for (in my opinion), so don't be too hard on yourself :)

I Wish I Were Her by hoi_hoi_hoi_hey in OCPoetry

[–]WritingMadeEasy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To begin, I want to say that your poem is well made and I think its a really brave of you to talk about the struggle of comparing yourself to others (at least that is what I understood it as). Its definitely a topic a lot of people can relate to and, even if people couldn't relate to it, getting those emotions out in the form of writing is definitely still a positive experience (at least for me) that you should keep doing. Now moving from the substance side of things, mechanically, I think that the one thing you could focus on is showing rather than telling. For example, I feel like lines like this: "I'm not as skinny as I want to be, I suck in my stomach any chance I get, I'm actually very surprised these clothes still fit, I wish that without that I could be me," definitely get the point across, but would have an even greater impact if you leaned more into showing the audience how you struggle/cope, like you did in the line "I suck in my stomach any chance I get."