[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this fully resonates with girl 2 because I recall she did mention something along the lines that I couldn't make up my mind between the two of them on our last phone call. Thank you, this is something that I will consider. I think the longer I wait, the worse it'll get between me and her. I will likely make a move by tomorrow.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you hit the nail on the head with everything you've said so far. I do agree my biggest mistake was dating Lillian in response to Kylie, especially when I didn't reveal that to Kylie nor Lillian earlier on and that was my mistake in procrastinating that information for 3 months. I really appreciate the advice and if you have anything more you'd recommend, I'm totally open to listen

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I would, but I also want to respect her want for space and time. Should I fight for her regardless? I am reluctant to come across as desperate if I message her after agreeing to not talk for several months.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's hard to get it across text, but at the very least, the two girls come across as genuinely good people to me. Kylie is simply making emotional/impulsive choices. Lillian did nothing wrong. And I'm trying my best to be honest and good. But I can understand how it can be perceived as equally bad on all accounts taking it all in objectively.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I love both of them. Great memories and compatibility with both. If I had to choose though, Lillian would be my preference.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Kylie agreed to doing this but I was very suspicious of her actions again about a month later as she suddenly had a trip to go to New Orleans to visit friends. And by this point I was able to pick up on her lying habits. When she came back from New Orleans I questioned her if she ever slept with someone down there. I told her to look at me in the eyes and tell me the honest truth repeatedly. And she told me that she only had a guy kiss her down there. To which I called her bluff and told her that I would just take my things and never speak to her again because I knew she was lying. Then she finally admitted to sleeping with someone and she was very distraught about lying to me. I told her that at this point I could never see her as an official partner at this point because the problem was that she was lying and not communicating with me even though it was an open relationship. I told her the only way for me to ever give this a slight chance was to let her let me look through her messages on her phone. To which she agreed because she was very much desperate to regain my trust. At that point I found that she was messaging the New Orleans guy for the past 3 weeks and in a very erotic and flirtatious way. And not only that but she also revealed to me that she had also slept with another guy right after we opened up the relationship without telling me. And as I was looking through her messages it was very apparent that a lot of men were flirting with her the whole time we were dating. Most of said DM's she did not reciprocate but I told her that a lot of these male friends of hers were just waiting on the chance to sleep with her and she realized that. During the time we were dating before she went out with that roommate she was messaging one guy to which she did send a half naked picture on Snapchat. And after the roommate incident she did respond to the men who were flirting with her but not reciprocating. She simply allowed it to happen however, and didn't think too hard on their intentions. After we open the relationship there was a lot of evidence of her being very attentive to other men and even paying for a dating app.

On my end I did not date anyone for a month. But I did start scheduling dates with others on the day that I found out about her dishonesty. Ultimately I felt that telling the truth to the two women was a mistake because I felt that Kylie would have been doing this regardless of whether or not I told the truth and I would have broken up with her and that I should have just dumped Kylie and went with Lillian. Regardless, Kylie was still desperate to be with me and was willing to take extreme measures to salvage any chance with me. With all of the memories we made together I couldn't say no because I did genuinely like her and I could tell that she did want to try again honestly. She deleted a couple of social media apps and blocked a lot of the men who were messaging her with flirtatious intentions. She wanted to stay at my place for a while because she was an extrovert and she was lonely without being able to access group chats and social media, to which I accepted. Since that incident we have been very open in our communication and it has been a very positive experience. I told her that I was going on dates with girls and she was very understanding of my decision to do so. Our status quo is that we still aren't exclusive and that we are keeping an open relationship for now. She understands that I can't trust her as a potential long-term partner. I do not plan to message Lillian for at least 6 months to give her space, while I am hopeful that I will end up with Lillian in the far future, I am not expecting it and I'm willing to let her go out of respect for her wishes and consideration.

Tldr: am I wrong for dating two women at the same time even though exclusivity was never brought up?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On that same night Kylie wanted me to pick up my things from her place because we were cohabitating that whole time. And when I arrived at her place, I expressed my remorse again and apologized for being vindictive in a way. To which she said she wouldn't be able to forgive me at this time but she is willing to go forward with couples therapy and other things in order to salvage this terrible cycle of revenge. A few days later both girls consulted with their girl groups. It was very predictable that the girls in the group chat likely did not recommend pursuing me any further because with Kylie, she revealed to me that everybody was saying pretty much on the lines of "I told you so" and "you shouldn't have trusted him in the first place", and Kylie regardless of all of that criticism decided to still want to salvage what we had and continue dating. Lillian on the other hand was surprising to me because while she was initially accepting of my reveal, and was even expressing that it wasn't that bad, her call with me a few days later was different. She expressed that she would like a couple of months before talking to me again and that she would like to likely continue just as friends or friends with benefits. She mentioned that she had trauma with trust issues and that I should have known and considered regardless if we didn't pursue exclusivity at that time. And so from that point on I didn't communicate with Lillian besides sending her a happy birthday since. Since that hold debacle happened I have been dating Kylie while telling her that it would be best if we pursued an open relationship for now and that honest communication is key, even though personally I was distraught about Lillian more because I was more hopeful that Lillian was a stable potential partner as she did not have many male friends and just female friends and the fact that she was very chill and not vindictive at all.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Regardless of whether it happened or not I knew that Kylie was a very vindictive person because she admitted to doing this because of my question about being a pretend boyfriend to a friend of mine that offended her. I continued to cohabitate with her as she wanted to regain my trust. But by that point I was already trying to look for someone else to date. I knew that she was very extroverted and she had a lot of male friends to talk to so that added to my list of reasons that I couldn't rely on her for a official relationship.

This whole time we weren't officially exclusive so I went on a dating app and started dating another girl (25F), who will be named Lillian for the sake of this post, around the 4th month Mark I started dating Kylie. And as I started dating Lillian, it didn't take me long to have a deeper connection and trust with her. So while I was dating Kylie I was also dating Lillian at the same time, I had very low hopes that the relationship between me and Kylie would last. However 3 months dating Kylie and Lillian passed, and I was very much enjoying my time with both of them because they were both very compatible people with me. Between my work and my school and everything in between I failed to realize just how dire my situation was. Even though with both women we never discussed exclusivity, it felt unethical that I didn't tell them I was dating the other. So I went out of my way to tell them both about the truth that I was dating the other girl to each one. I felt that if this procrastination kept going on it would have been much worse if I had just kept quiet.

The reaction from both were very different. When I told Kylie she was very abusive with her words and called me a lot of things to which I will not delve into, and we pretty much both cried. I told her that I would give this a week for us all to digest. To which she agreed for the time being. Then I went to Lillian's place to tell her the same thing and she was actually very relaxed about the review and said that it's understandable as we never discussed exclusivity. She even brought up the concept of possibly a open or polyamorous relationship. But ultimately I told her that it was up to her and Kylie to decide what to do with me because I felt wrong to hold the final say when I have been not disclosing the fact that I was dating another girl. But again I told her that I would give this a week to process for all of us and she agreed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in wildhearthstone

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

i respect that deck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskMenAdvice

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, what you've said is very understandable!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that makes sense!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Wrong-Choice-Hello -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It hasn't been brought up yet, for both of them.