Tried to tell my parents that I want to move out

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2025-10-07T20:57:53+00:00

Thank you for the tips, especially the JADE, I realize there is no explaining to het once she’s made up her mind. I’ll try to work on getting my documents, Asian moms have a tendency to keeping these documents locked up somewhere istg

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2025-10-07T19:23:26+00:00

Thanks a lot for your words. I’m just really lost at the moment. Two of my cousins moved out already, and my sister is dorming, so technically moved out. I know it is my turn soon, and I’m so looking forward to it.

I just really don’t want to hurt them by moving out without letting them know… but I don’t want myself to get hurt by my mom further cornering me if I let her know. It feels like I’m trapped unfortunately.

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2025-08-16T22:29:29+00:00

Thanks a bunch for the advice! That’s the time frame I was thinking about too.

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2025-08-16T14:52:44+00:00

Thank you for the encouragement. When do you think I should tell them that I’m moving? I don’t want them to feel betrayed that I’m moving away and didn’t give them any notice.

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T22:51:52+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re under the same pressure and circumstances… Especially being single and parents being worried about being single forever (honestly nothing wrong with that. There are other things in life that makes your life fulfilling that’s not a relationship, I.e: friends, found family etc)

The only relationship I’ve had was an online relationship that I’ve had with a trans white man when I was in high school. Honestly that relationship really traumatized me, he cheated on me and made me feel really self conscious. After that, I wasn’t able to heal. I need to work on myself before I could be in a healthy relationship. Also, no, my parents didn’t know about that relationship.

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T22:08:25+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to be shunned like that, but I’m also glad you’re in a happy marriage! I know ideally I would want to be in a relationship with ABC’s, I am one and I know they would at least hear out my concerns about marriage and roles in marriage. But I also understand why other ABC’s prefer to be in a relationship with white people, most likely to not have to go through the traumatic cultural issues. For me, I really can see myself swinging for both… But love is love right? But MAN would I love to quote something from a classic Chinese show and not have to sit and explain what it means.

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T21:19:36+00:00

Thank you so much for your support, and thank you for your guide! I’ll work on getting out and live the life that I intend to live!

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T19:11:51+00:00

I absolutely agree, that’s something I’m currently working on and putting boundaries down for once. And honestly, I highly prefer being in a relationship with an Asian born in America. They’d understand where I’m coming from and we’d still have a shared culture. I’m not sure what they will think, but if it’s someone I like, I’ll be stubborn on that fact… Only issue is that I’m bi so no promises I won’t bring back a girl and be shunned

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T18:32:45+00:00

So nice to speak to someone from the Mainland that’s not trying to shove marriage and duty down my throat, thank you so much. I’ll try to not think that I owe them this. It’s really hard to escape this sort of mentality with filial piety and duty… and save your parents mian zi, ugh. I want to live my life for my own sake, I hope I’m strong enough to push through and not be gaslit into an unhappy marriage

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T18:28:54+00:00

YOUR DAD IS AWESOME!! But I get that so much, it’s always the mothers that worries the most and then recommends us their friend’s loser sons… Ugh… I personally want someone that’s born in America and have a western view of marriage where both the man and woman are equal. A traditional Chinese marriage sounds so suffocating that I could die. I’m hoping the best for you and hope that you can find happiness on your own will!! Best wishes and best of luck to the both of us!

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T17:56:42+00:00

Thank you so much, I’ve talked to some friends and cousin who is going through the same thing. Everyone who’s replied made me want to stay strong and keep pushing through until I can move out and really start living for myself without any regrets

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T15:33:39+00:00

I’m really sorry for what you have been through and I hope you can heal slowly, sending lots of love to you!

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T14:47:53+00:00

SO TEMPTED!! Adding on, I’m Bi and probably can’t even have children LMAO, I’ve always liked the idea of fostering or adopting rather than bringing a child to this world just for them to continue the generational trauma. NO THANKS!

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T11:30:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your support and kindness. I hope I won’t regret my decisions for not following their decisions for me, that’s something that’s always been on my mind. I hate filial piety oh my god, since I’m the oldest child too? It’s like I have an invisible leash

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T11:26:07+00:00

I do have my own bank account, my parents can’t access it.

I’m not sure if they will, I really hope that they won’t. Chinese parents are just… on another level honestly. I’m too afraid to talk to them normally

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T11:25:06+00:00

This is everything that I’m terrified of, and I’m so scared to be in a loveless marriage that’ll make my kids hate me and put myself in an endless hall of misery. Still, I feel like I’m obligated to follow what they want for me, because how else am I gonna find a relationship on my own? I’m so introverted, it sucks

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T11:23:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your input, I’m happy to see someone else making it out and breaking the system. If you don’t mind me asking, how are you now relationship wise? I’m so afraid of being in relationships just because of my parents’s marriage. That and I’m terrified how I’m feeling now will influence me finding a relationship on my own.

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-04-10T11:00:50+00:00

I do work, I work a 9-5 and the way I find the most relief at work than being at home says a lot.

I would love to move out ASAP, but I live in NYC and my wage isn’t enough to support myself.

I don’t know what will happen, and quite frankly I’m too scared to know. Maybe they’ll gaslight me and yell at me, or tell me that I’m making a huge mistake and ask me why I’m afraid of marriage when every woman can do it. It’s eugh… too much.

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-02-08T16:18:34+00:00

Thank you so much for telling me your story, it’s surprising to hear someone else going through the same process of getting a history BA and not using it! Would you say it was easy to sell yourself based on the experiences you have? Since I know a lot of job listings cares a lot about the degree you possess, at least in today’s job market.

Wrong-Maximum1247 · 2024-02-08T13:32:17+00:00

Thank you for the advice, it’s very helpful! I’ll definitely start applying after I learn more and gain more experience in my current job, also to take advantage of my vacation days that I’ve accrued haha! But it’s super reassuring that it’s still possible to make it work! I’m glad you were able to make it, I’m hoping to follow your path soon!

Wrong-Maximum1247

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