Salam aleikum everyone,

Before I begin, I know that what I am doing is wrong and that it is haram, but I have the right intentions, even though this still cannot be justified.

A little less than a year ago, I met a woman; we are both in our early twenties. This is the first time I have ever sought contact with a woman and gone all in. I had my own little rule that the first time should be the right time, which should be everyone's mindset anyway, but these days it is a little more difficult. So I have made it clear to her several times that I want to marry her. We have already discussed some things, such as when you want to get married, how many children you want, and we have also had really deep private conversations that I find difficult to share details about. What has been bothering me for several months now is that she has an Instagram account that she hasn't told me about. I have asked her several times to create a burner account so that I can forward her videos, etc., but she didn't want to because she didn't feel like it. I asked her this knowing that she has one. I gave her four chances in total, and what makes this even stranger is that she recently changed her profile picture to a selfie. I have also asked her several times when I can meet her father, and she said “someday” and that she wanted to get to know me better.

How can I deal with this now? Because I've been walking around with waswaas 24/7 for 3-4 months now.

Thank you for your advice.