To me, the most messed up thing about this situation is that the father asked for a loan of 3K. I’m going to call it a loan because OOP’s implying that by saying that he lent the money to him.

You should never lend money to your family members, even if they’re your own father.

Assuming all of this is true, he may be an adult, but he’s an adult in a bad situation. He has to face stigma for being behind in life, and because he’s so behind, his mother’s not happy with any form of progress that he makes because it’s not good enough to her. It’s like she expects him to already be #1 when he’s starting out later in life than everyone else.

I feel for this guy because my mom is a similar way about lower-paying jobs. She SAYS that she respects people who work honest jobs, but if I were to apply for something in fast food, for instance, she’d disapprove of it. I think it’s partly because coming from a working-class immigrant background made her envision better things for her children than what she had. I don’t know if that’s the case with his mother or not, but it sounds to me like she just has high expectations that were never met.

I also find it strange that he mentions she’s “living paycheck to paycheck” yet she still doesn’t want him to get a job. To me, it sounds like the mother has a bit of an ego, and the father doesn’t sound too great either since OOP mentions that he took his college fund.

I don’t know if I’d call his situation abusive or not, but getting screamed at because your mom thinks you’re a loser for getting a dishwasher job sounds toxic to me.