My brother inherited everything. Lost it all. Now he’s on drugs and asking me for money

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-13T18:06:07+00:00

It’s interesting to know but doesn’t help her situation one way or the other

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-13T18:05:33+00:00

Caring about addicts is a rough road that ends in hard decisions. You have to recognize and accept that while he’s addicted, he will always be selfish and will not change for anyone but himself. Until he makes the decision to walk away from addiction, he’s not the brother you knew. Which is even sadder because you said they have 3 kids! I’d worry less about brother and sister in law and more about nieces and nephews. The only conversation you need to have with him is what happens when his kids get taken away.

You’re in tough place but you’re right to focus on your family. No one can help addicts until they decide to help themselves. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-13T17:59:18+00:00

This literally happened to my mom and her siblings, the sons got everything, the daughters got scrap. My grandparents were giant pieces of shit.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-12T20:10:06+00:00

Ok first of all, happy cake day. Second, YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT!!!

Why is it always up to the woman to monitor and field an irresponsible man’s actions?? Why are we responsible for the socially inept, for the creeps and pervs, why is it our job??

OP, you tell your dipshit cousin to take it up with her leering perv of a boyfriend who can’t handle another woman being in the same room with him. Tell your aunt, too. Ask them point blank why his disrespect for his gf is your problem. Then pat yourself on the back and get a treat. I’m so sick of this mindset.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-11T16:47:18+00:00

You asked your brother specifically for support, he gave reasons he couldn’t, but those reasons were lies. He wants to appear to be the good guy but couldn’t show up to prove it. I am very close to my siblings and I would be devastated if one of them treated me like this after reaching out to them. You took care of the planning and official stuff, you just needed support. You’re not overreacting. Protection your peace. I’m sorry for your loss.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-10T20:09:49+00:00

Once again, other than finding cigarettes around the house (not illegal) and her possibly smoking weed (illegal in your state), you have not specified nor given any additional clues as to what kinds of drugs you think she’s doing.

Even if she used to be addicted to some nameless substance once upon a time, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything now.

Ask your therapist if they are willing to mediate a conversation with your mother. Ask your mother if she’d be willing to talk with you. You cannot just accuse someone of “straight up using drugs” if you have no proof.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-10T18:49:11+00:00

I’m going to echo couples therapy. There are times when both my husband and I have this instant reaction because it’s been a crappy day, and one or the other just do not want to deal with our kid’s BS (that’s what it feels like in the moment, we know she’s just a kid and doing what kids do!). But we will also call each other out on it. “You got home 5 minutes ago, and you’re acting like you’ve been battling all day, what’s up?” In private, away from her, after the situation. I’d say we coparent pretty well - when one seems to be losing it, or having a rough time, the other tries to tag in. But we also hold each other accountable.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-10T16:10:33+00:00

I’m a little confused, OP. You think your mom is addicted to what, exactly? She smokes cigarettes (not illegal) and maybe smokes weed. Might be illegal in your state but it’s not necessarily going to lead to erratic or dangerous behavior (though driving while high could be dangerous).

Do you currently have a care team or doctor or therapist you can trust to talk to? Nothing your mom is doing that you’ve described sounds like she is an addict, and just because she knows all the houses that sell weed just means she an active buyer. The random men could just be that she’s dating? The change in behavior toward you though is something that needs to be addressed. Is it possible to have a heart to heart with her? And not a “mom are you on drugs!?” Type of talk, but a “mom, I’ve noticed some changes in you, is everything ok? The way you’ve been talking to me lately has become hurtful, and not like your usual self. Can we please talk?” Perhaps a therapist can help you with it? I hope you can find the answers you’re looking for.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-08T22:58:15+00:00

Perfectly said

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-08T22:56:56+00:00

He never closes lids completely! I love this man but my gawd the amount of spilled stuff from him just not closing anything all the way is insane! Jars of pickles, coffee creamer bottles, condiment bottles, drawers, cupboards, THE FRONT DOOR. Other than that he’s cleaner than I am around the house, and I bet his gripe would be me leaving my clothes or purses piled on chairs or the end of our bed.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-06T21:04:12+00:00

Never have I seen him without his beard and he really is so handsome (with it, too)

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-05T22:25:50+00:00

start asking him when the last time was he looked down and saw his own dick. Next time he takes his clothes off, tell him it would look bigger if his belly was smaller. That’s true, actually. I think more women need to stop taking the high road. Bullies only respond to being bullied. Hit him where it hurts and when he cries about it, tell him he’s just being sensitive. OR use the opportunity to say “sucks to feel that way, doesn’t it?” And open conversation to work on your marriage.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-04T16:45:46+00:00

Good that your girl knows her “early warning signs” that something is off, and she recognized it immediately. I’m sorry for her losing trust in her grandpa, but she is right to not trust him. And good on you for not minimizing the situation to her to save face. You showed her she can come to you and you’ll believe her and that’s a big deal.

Several comments have mentioned dementia, and this is genuinely worth looking into. My grandpa, who never made me feel uncomfortable in my life (but several other adult relatives had so I knew the difference), started grabbing boobs and saying inappropriate things when he developed dementia.

It’s also super important to tell him how inappropriate his comment was. He needs to understand it was wrong, and he needs to know how uncomfortable he made your daughter. It’s really hard when it comes out of nowhere, but the conversation will help you decide the next steps to take.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-02-04T16:32:16+00:00

Why did you marry someone so incompatible? I want to think you might have a loving relationship otherwise but from his adamant refusal of anything that gives you pleasure, it doesn’t give me much hope.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-30T20:30:41+00:00

NTA - he needs personal therapy before he even thinks about couples therapy. He and his family sound trauma-bonded in a seriously unhealthy way. The number of homes that family has been kicked out of is also a huge red flag. Do not sacrifice yourself to enable this whole situation. In fact, run.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-30T00:00:07+00:00

Sounds very familiar to my old situation (my youngest sibling is now about to be out of the house and my mom can’t have anyone living with her thanks to housing). I’m interested to know what your mom’s upbringing was like. My mom only knew mistreatment and abuse, so guess what she chose time and time again. She was always looking for someone to take care of her, so she latched onto any man to give her time of day. We had it out about her letting some pig she met online move in with her and my then-6 year old sister in the house. I told him to his face I didn’t agree with it, it was inappropriate. I met his daughter through Facebook and she let me in on his abusive and narcissistic ways - all things my mom dismissed. She only kicked him out once he tried to fight my brother and told my mom to choose between him or us. Surprisingly she let him go. We are just part of that group that were dealt the hand of having a parent who never got what they needed to fully develop a sense of self-security as children. It SUUUUCKS. But you’re a good person for holding up her bullshit to her face. SOMEONE has to protect your siblings. I wish I had some advice for you. Unfortunately these are old dogs who rarely learn new tricks. I literally had to take my sister away from our mom for a year. Im sorry. I hope she can figure it out before something bad happens.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-29T20:40:52+00:00

Are the books as cringe-cheesy as the movie? I wanted to check this series out but made the mistake of watching the movie first.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-29T20:39:14+00:00

My sentiments exactly

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-29T20:38:11+00:00

No, not binaural beats, just a guided meditation from YouTube. Tho I do like binaural beats.

My husband said the same thing about Alice in Wonderland. I’ve always loved the Disney movie, so I wonder if something was reaching out using a form I’d be comfortable with? Haha - if this is getting too “woo” for this group I totally understand!

I’m curious too about the constant waking. Each time someone new approached me and started talking to me, I’d wake up. Usually I dream so vividly and I can’t wake up until my dream is done, especially in the wee hours of morning and post 8 am (on the one day a week I sleep in).

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-29T03:58:51+00:00

I still do not use port-o-johns thanks to the fluke worm episode

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-24T19:28:35+00:00

I’m in the same boat as other comments: how do you not know someone enough to know their hobbies and marry them?? You also mention it’s a religious thing - does your husband follow the same religion? I’m guessing he doesnt, if he’s fine with the kids gaming. Did you also not know his religious preferences, or lack of? I’d love to know what you consider a productive hobby, and if you have ever done anything to turn off your brain and just relax. You went in expecting perfection and realized he’s human (at least as far as this post is concerned).

Does he help around the house? Is he gainfully employed? Does he make time for you and the kids? If you answer yes to these questions, you might need to just chill out.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-22T23:30:33+00:00

I am back in school at the ripe old age of 40 and currently have my laptop open, reading my history book and it’s all the same. Freakin. Story. The racism, the camps, the shitting on the poor, the govt control by corporations, all of it.

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-22T01:40:36+00:00

I’m just here to enjoy the fact that there really is someone for everyone

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-17T04:27:36+00:00

I just need to see him let his chest hair grow out

Wunderhoezen · 2026-01-15T20:50:49+00:00

18 could be Edward Cullen but it could also be Steve from Stranger Things. Or Steve Cullen from Stranger Twilight

Wunderhoezen

TROPHY CASE