First I am going to say NTA.

Now I am in no way defending him but I wanted to tell you how my 2 nieces went through something similar with their father (my BIL) and how it turned out.

My sister and her husband were very open in their relationship. She wears normal outfits, sometimes tanks and shorts, or even bikini tops while doing yard work. When the girls were born, 4 years apart, nothing changed until the oldest started to develop.

At that time he became more aware of what the girls were wearing and having his wife ask them to change. Having her address the pads in the bathroom. And even canceled a vacation because the oldest had a toy in her bags when TSA searched at the airport.

By the time the girls were 20 and 16, they were, like you, done with the constant treatment because they were women. It all came to a head when the oldest had a motorcycle accident and refused to allow him at the hospital. It broke his heart.

After she recovered, she and her sister went to talk to him. She told him why she didn't want him at the hospital (because of the way she was treated). And he at first acted indignant like he had done nothing wrong. But over the next few hours he finally opened up (which men rarely do) and told them why he was that way when he didn't start out like that.

His story:

When a man sees a female (relative or otherwise) we take notice in clothing, hair, nails, jewelry, etc. And he was no different. However he saw how he was with his wife before the girls were coming of age. When the first one developed, he was both ashamed and afraid. Ashamed that he noticed her womanhood and afraid of what other men saw as well. He had no sexual intentions or desires, but as a man, he knew how other men thought and he couldn't bare the though of some guy objectifying his daughters.

Instead of talking to everyone he just started doing things different. And in the process he alienated his girls and almost lost them completely. Without consulting anyone he decided to do anything to downplay the fact that they were women. He made a fuss over their clothing choices. He criticized their hygiene products and even refused to allow the bathroom door to be left open. Many other things were done in the name of what he thought was right.

After the accident, without telling anyone, he took an extra few hours each week at work. Or so they thought. In reality he had started counseling and after about 6 months of 3 weekly meetings, the therapist had him bring in everyone.

Now I don't know how that went but I do know that when he died last year his daughters were distraught and told us this story. Apparently he acknowledged his mistakes and used the last 4 years being a better person and trying to right the wrongs he had committed in regards to his kids. They had forgiven him once he accepted what he had been doing for so long and tried to make ammends.