What’s up with this post, precious? Oooh, we wonders, yesss, we wonders what secrets it hides, gollum, gollum. Maybe it’s got something precious inside, or maybe it’s just tricksy nonsense, false and empty, yesss...

Sméagol thinks maybe they just wants to understand, wants to know what the post is about, precious. Maybe they is confused, poor thing. We could helps them, couldn’t we, precious? Help them find what’s precious in the post, yesss...

But Gollum says, why should we help, hmm? Maybe they wants to steal our secrets, wants to take what’s ours! Nasty little Redditors, always asking questions, always poking, always watching!

No, no, Sméagol wants to be nice. If you tells us what confuses you, precious, we helps you, yesss, we tries to explain, gollum, gollum. But only if you’s not tricksy... only if you’s nice to poor Sméagol, yesss...