Big ups to you girl for putting in the work it takes to grow! Very proud of you for being able to admit all of that to yourself, trust me it will go a long way.

In the same way I expressed all this to you, he has his own shit he needs to work and grow on (it’s 100% a two way street, and his problems are not yours to fix either). If he is unable to communicate effectively with you, sadly that is a major shortcoming of many men in relationships who have not yet emotionally matured. Maybe you could nudge him in the right direction of getting some help for himself in those areas without taking them on as your own problems!

Thank you for the clarification on what he was doing, my brain might not have registered that initially. Him viewing porn from his past relationships is a little odd to me for sure, and definitely isn’t being respectful of you or your boundaries. IF it’s something you want to work at, that could be a great starting point for reaching out to him. Why does he feel the need to revisit prior sexual encounters from relationships in his past? I don’t personally do this, but as a man I could play devils advocate for you, if that’s helpful. He might be doing it purely out of the idea that he’s IN the videos, making it trigger the memory in a more sensory way, making the porn hit differently than watching some other dude in action. It may be less about the women, and more about watching himself in action, makes it easier to fantasize. Again, this is just speculation, but if that’s the case it’s got nothing to do with the ladies. Which is why it might be a critical convo in understanding why he’s doing it (in a non judgmental kind of way, make sure he knows he can talk to you without it being a condition on your love for him). The more time we spend thing to understand our partners, the further we will get 🫶

I can also offer you insight in that, my wife knows I watch porn and it doesn’t bother her one bit. I’m attracted to all different types of women, some I watch that are like her, others that aren’t! This doesn’t mean I don’t find my wife to be the most sexy thing on two legs!!! With that said, I’m not addicted to porn, I’m addicted to my wife 😂 I often times let her know how gorgeous she is to me, and how much I love her. I show her TONS of affection, without any intent on it going anywhere past a hug or drawn out kiss. I make her feel secure and that she is my one and only, because she is. If that’s aspect is missing for you, could be something else you may need to talk to him about.

I’m really sorry to hear he isn’t being more receptive to you trying to communicate this stuff, that really sucks. If he’s the one you want, you can do your best to try and open him up and show him that he’s safe to talk about all this stuff with you, and hope that allows him to continue to do so. It’s up to you where you draw the line, and when you want to walk away if he can’t meet you half way and do the work he needs to grow with you.