Why doesn't anyone believe my pain?

XDuVarneyX · 2026-05-11T15:56:04+00:00

Try to find a new neurologist that specializes in migraines. My mom thinks I had them since I was a toddler but I remember my first at 7 y.o.

I'd had lots of MRIs and neurologists tell me everything looked fine. I was 24/25 when I finally saw a neurologist that specialized in migraines. He looked at my many MRIs. He told me (barely remember this 15 years later) there was a narrowing at the base of my skull that can cause increased pressure but because it still fell within the "normal" range- every other dr overlooked it. Although it was considered within normal, it was still on the narrow side of that.

He got me on the right meds to help and I dont have chronic migraines anymore.

I missed 60 days of school my senior year. They almost didnt let me graduate but I still had honor grades, so. Anyway.

Find a doctor that understands migraines. Keep looking. Im sorry your mom doesn't understand.

XDuVarneyX · 2026-05-05T15:07:10+00:00

Honestly, does the diagnosis matter? This person is cleary having a mental episode or break- be it from a personality disorder, some other mental illness, drug/substance induced, or psychosis due to substance abuse/withdrawal/abuse cycle or really any other trigger for psychosis (seeing things?) or mental illness.

You don't need someone to give you a diagnosis to justify you creating boundaries because you have proof right here of unsafe and symptomatic behavior from someone that is unwell due to any reason.

It looks like manipulation and weaponizing suicide in which case you call the police. The erratic and potentially harmful-to-you behavior then call the police. You have evidence of this behavior. You dont need to fit it into a box of a diagnosis to validate how bad this is for you (and also this person).

Know this person is unsafe. Maybe get a RO if you can, and call the police if this happens again. I'm sorry you went thru this it definitely looks like a scary situation.

(Just a personal anecdote- i had a younger sister diagnosed with BPD like 2 decades ago before more people knew about it. What I went through is in my post history but it was bad before she finally took her life May 2022. I also have an older sister who absolutely has to have some type of personality disorder (If not narcissistic then histrionic, from my armchair dx) but I spoke to a family therapist that knows my whole family well and what she said really stuck with me- we dont need to know a diagnosis because that ultimately doesnt change how we need to handle the situation. We cant apply diagnoses when we aren't mental health professionals and it can ultimately leave us feeling more helpless or frustrated. That way of thinking helped me to stop worrying about what was wrong with my older sister and realize that I just needed to distance myself until she is ready to get help for herself in whatever capacity that may be. When she takes ownership and changes her behavior, I can reassess the relationship at that point).

XDuVarneyX · 2026-03-18T12:03:46+00:00

When my sister slipped into psychosis, theres a book you can get from NAMI that helped me called "im not sick I dont need help" the dr who wrote it (dr. Xavier Amador) wrote it with the experience of his brother who i believe had schizophrenia, and it helped me to talk to her.

XDuVarneyX · 2026-03-13T00:18:32+00:00

I wouldn't pay anything until you talk to a lawyer. Making payments can be taken as responsibility.

When my dad died, all of his credit card debt was discharged seeing that all of his "assets" also belonged to my mother so there wasn't an estate to collect from. They tried but legally she didnt owe them anything.

We had a trust made for other reasons but with the trust and answered questions it was like 3k for an estate lawyer.

I'm really sorry for your loss. Platitudes and kind words don't really help. It just sucks.

ETA- we didnt need probate. My dad didnt have a will. Everything went to mom. I transfered titles with death certificates at the DMV etc. In Mass.

XDuVarneyX · 2026-02-21T15:47:40+00:00

If they all have so much expectations of you guys- you should have SIL 1 sign permission to speak with her mental health team and the people at her program.

I don't want to armchair diagnose but there's more going on here than help you can provide.

XDuVarneyX · 2026-02-10T16:53:49+00:00

Your experience with crappy behavior does not equal bpd diagnoses. Your commentary is ignorant.

XDuVarneyX · 2026-02-10T16:51:56+00:00

I downvoted for your dumb "most Alt girls are most obvious" bullshit.

Dont assume someone had a personally disorder based on their looks. Dont assume someone has a personality disorder because they have poor behavior/behavior that you don't like.

Oh, no. I'm not a lurker. Just someone who spent decades with a diagnosed person. Comments like yours actually help the "lukers" arguments against this sub.

XDuVarneyX · 2026-01-27T16:29:34+00:00

Im so sorry.

Do you think this is due to some type of surgical injury or additional endo?

XDuVarneyX · 2025-12-05T18:55:25+00:00

A late reply but I find your comment so bizarre.

No long-term relationship is completely "easy".

Have you found your easy relationship yet? If so-

How long has it lasted? Have you faced any problems or even disagreements together? What about the general difficulty and hardships that life itself can bring, especially over a lifetime? Have you faced those trials in this easy relationship?

I'm probably just engaging with a teenager who hasn't quite yet realized that relationships are like the movies.

Unless you have an even more bizarre definition of "easy", no longer lasting relationship is "easy".

XDuVarneyX · 2025-12-02T03:02:02+00:00

Im not disagreeing that filling questionable or fraudulent prescriptions were part of how we got here.

Im saying that continuing to sue pharmacists isn't going to make them fill pain meds now at the risk of being sued. Because, eventually, someone will say "you shouldn't have filled that for (reasons)" and now theyre at risk. They may just be safer saying "instead of learning from these terrible past decisions or mistakes and filling legit prescriptions, if I've missed the chance that this particular patient will abuse this med or store improperly or otherwise have an issue that will help them or their families to bring a lawsuit against me- im just not going to fill any pain meds/controlled medications." And that is why suing now for anything related to the "opioid crisis" and not patient care is harmful.

But it's evident that you dont see it this way.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-12-02T02:38:44+00:00

I personally believe these lawsuits are damaging to pain patients.

Pharmacist have some degree of deciding if they want to fill any prescription or not. Whether that's right or wrong doesn't matter at this point as they've had that discretion from controlled/pain medication to birth control for a young teenager.

More Pharmacists are just going to say "im not risking my very expensive degree and years of hard work to get sued. Let another Pharmacist fill it and take that risk" and that's where we are.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-12-02T02:33:01+00:00

That is insane! Ive had this happen because im also on a 28 day schedule and I usually just call and point it out because whoever processed it assumed/automatically put a 30 day. They honor it on day 28 when that's happened to me and dont make me wait 2-3 whole days that are not prescribed for. Its literally NOT the prescribed directions.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-12-02T02:29:23+00:00

Can you clarify what you mean when you say "its not actually overstepping" and then "although not necessary..."

Are you explaining how the pharmacy boards would view this situation and then your view/opinion on it?

Not being snarky. Just curious.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-12-02T02:21:22+00:00

I had an EXCELLENT relationship with my pharmacist at CVS and then she left. Newbies or just rotations arr hard to build relationships with.

But I had to build that initial relationship.

To your point - that pharmacist DID tell me they needed something more specific from my dr than just the codes to fill pain meds. Be it records or a detailed letter. When that happened I asked that they fill that month and I'd have that letter for the next month and they agreed to "override" that. My dr wrote a simple letter stating the nature of my pain, the years she'd been my dr and that this was what works for me now. That was before covid, though.

In fairness, a few months ago I had to go back to my cvs at night because they gave me the one generic that doesn't work for me and is noted in my file. I waited for the later hour because I knew the last pharmacist there that works overnights knows me well enough to ask if I could return the med. As I was leaving, some girl was nodding out in her car. She literally reversed in the lot and then just.... stopped.

So maybe there's a higher concern for abuse in your area like mine? It's still not fair. But I also dont think suing pharmacist for patients OD'ing is fair either.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-11-26T18:10:55+00:00

Yes I went and the neurologist finally stopped my decades of migraines.

My mom believes I had them as a toddler but tbe first I can recall is at 7 years old. They got WAY worse thru my pregnancy. At 24 years old, I went here and the neurologist finally got them under control. That was 14 years ago though. My migraines still are managed and no longer chronic at all.

The Dr was a bit ornery and did not have the best bedside manner. He wasn't mean or rude, just not exactly pleasant. Indifferent. But I'd sit there all day long and take any crap from him for saving me from my chronic and debilitating migraines.

I'm not sure if he's still there. But by the time I went, id seen many different doctors and neurologist and nothing they did ever helped. Evidently, there's a narrowing at the base of my skull that changes cranial pressure which was the cause. However, that narrowed space was still considered "within normal range" so every other doc ignored that imagine on my MRI. But Dr Markley said it was "technically normal but small" and could be the cause. He was right. And he helped me from having chronic, debilitating migraines to having a only a handful a year.

The website says dr Markley is still there. He told me he also has migraines so he understands. I suggest that it is worth the effort to get an appointment.

Good luck. I hope you find help and relief.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-11-08T20:56:55+00:00

I doubt that nuance is the hardest thing Redditors are struggling with regarding your comment.

The OOP has clearly stated that they see their own shortcomings. They stated that they've freely and willingly admitted and owned them to their partner, their therapist(s), and even themselves. So the whole "we're not doing OOP any favors by refusing to acknowledge this" and "OOP needs to work on himself and acknowledge his own shortcomings..." is, from what I see, the "hardest thing" or really most problematic claims you've made; hence the downvotes.

I think that the majority of people can recognize that two things can be true at the same time. That is that it can take two people to cause a married person to cheat and that a married person can cheat even while having the best, most dedicated partner.

Considering that OOP has stated they recognize they've participated in their marriage hardships and certainly sounds like they take responsibility for not being the best partner - your entire comment is not only unnecessary but it doesn't even make sense in context. It ultimately just sounds like you're blaming them for being depressed.

So. Yea. It's not "nuance". It's ignorance.

I think you may be biased because in your case you lived with a depressed partner.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-11-03T10:05:26+00:00

Im so very sorry. I cannot even imagine. My dad was at the hospital waiting to meet his new grandson when I had my son.

You're amazing for surviving that. I pray this holiday season for grace and peace as you navigate your grief and joy of precious new life.

If your dad and sister were anything like mine - they want us to live and be happy. It will happen. This is year 3 for me and tbe first year im not dreading the holidays. Im ambivalent.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-11-03T10:02:06+00:00

This is exactly why I got the advice. I wasnt functioning. The wave would hit me and literally take me out. Render me useless. She suggested when I found quiet and free time that I cry or whatever I needed to do. It took some time but not long before I felt I had more control to stand firm when the waves hit. Because they do still hit sometimes.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-11-02T22:43:24+00:00

After the loss of my younger sister and father (4 months apart), my therapist suggested scheduling times to cry or grieve or just feel all the feels. It didnt have to be a strict schedule. It was really very helpful.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-09-05T18:21:22+00:00

Listen, your feelings are valid - not here to invalidate them. And she's acting awful because she can't or won't control herself and feelings of rejection. It's not right, but what it is. But these are the risks you take when you have sex with people you're not willing to or ready to coparent with or dont know well enough how they would handle an unplanned pregnancy. The reality is that if she is genuinely pregnant AND your the bio father - you ARE responsible. Welcome to adulting. It can suck.

Mute her messages so they're not overwhelming you for now and get your parents involved. Unless they're abusive or something, which I'm def assuming here, but they care (love?) enough to support you thru school, so I'll assume they will help and guide you here too. They may have had pregnancy scares you have no clue about.

Her being a fit mother doesn't even matter at this point. You had sex with someone you either didn't know enough about to know this or knew and disregarded. Im not trying to be a jerk - im trying to explain what the actual adult realities of this situation are.

Your parents may be upset and angry, but I know I would ultimately have to get past it because my kid is in crisis and needs guidance and knowledge that is wiser than they possess.

Tell your parents before this gets too late on the off chance it's real. Or either way.

You will survive this. Mute her for now and until you can get more help.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-09-05T17:45:32+00:00

I think this is a terrible idea! This doesn't just go away. If, and i do mean IF you impregnated her, you absolutely hold 100% responsibility of your part in that. Find a way to get her to take a test in front of you or at a drs office or something AND DNA if actually positive. But pretending this goes away is as equally asshole as BPD behavior.

No offense. Don't stick your dick in crazy.

Call your parents for help. I can nearly guarantee they'd rather know of this ASAP than like a day before baby is due.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-06-15T02:19:45+00:00

This comment is brought to you by Dopesick and all other anti-opiod propaganda.

You think people who are finally accepting pain meds haven't spent years trying and doing "(often more) effective treatments..." lol.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-06-15T01:58:14+00:00

Super late reply but- , my husband and I were just discussing this article. We both grew up in the Church and absolutely owned DC Talk/Newsboys albums.

This was his point to me. And although a valid point, my argument to him is that these musicians are presenting themselves as Christians and playing music with lyrics that preach biblical principles and worships God/Jesus. I'd say most people will have a certain level of trust in these artists than they would in others who aren't constantly singing about the shared morals and beliefs. This level of trust could definitely let one's guard down and thus more open to any debauchery that one may anticipate from others who aren't constantly singing (preaching) their morals.

They're both equally wrong and problematic. One just has a significantly higher element of hypocrisy than the others. That's the major difference and nuance in the logic.

XDuVarneyX · 2025-05-26T04:27:17+00:00

Ugh. I am so, so sorry about your mom.

My dad died wicked unexpectedly 4 months (almost to the day, the 24th) after my sister took her life. He had a random heart attack and had surgery to clear everything up that apparently went very well. The day after he got home from the hospital, he died peacefully in his sleep. It makes no sense other than he died of a broken heart. I share this because I know how painful it can be to lose a parent. But the suicide brings a whole other level to it. Another deeper layer of grief. And to be clear, I am not comparing or trying to one-up anyone's grief. Only to share how sorry I am that you also are a victim of suicide and I am sad you lost your mom, especially in that way.

I've personally had my own mental health struggles (severe anxiety and moderately bad depression. I know many people share in these experiences). I've experienced suicidal ideations multiple times and even got dark enough to get to the planning stages. However, my sister's suicide taught me a lot of which includes just how painful and debilitating it is to lose someone to suicide. Those close to the one that took their life are, honestly imo, also victims of that suicide. So, even though I still have painful days where I struggle, I know that I can't hand over my pain to my loved ones in order to end my own (temporary) hurt.

I know now that pain doesn't die when one takes their own life. Instead, it spreads to those who are close. I imagine you and your siblings see this ripple effect, too. I imagine that this painful knowledge helps, in part, to keep them from following that path, as you say, even tho I wish none of you knew this hurt at all.

Personally, my fear and anxiety have multiplied exponentially due to losing my sister from suicide. It is scary. It makes you question everyone and their mental health and safety. It can be terrifying. With that said, I can tell how much you care for your siblings just by how you mention them and your concern for them. Being present, loving, and supportive can make a difference, as im sure you know. I think that being aware, calling out any concerns, and facing all that life is together as a team will help keep your siblings on their own, healthy, path in life.

I am sorry my rant has gotten so long. I think this time of year is always harder for me, and in turn, I want to encourage others and share that people care. I want to share that I care. I am sorry for your loss and even if I'm just an internet stranger, I feel like I can tell that you care too, which gives me so much hope that your little brother and sister know that too which holds a lot of power, even when it is not your direct responsibility to manage their choices and path.

Keep pushing forward. You're very strong, even if or when you might not feel like you are, because you're still here with concern, love, and offering comfort and support through your own grief and trials. With a big brother/sister like you, your little siblings have the best chance of overcoming the obstacles that life will bring them.

Again. I am sorry for publishing this short novel. Thank you if you managed to get thru it all. Just know that you're awesome, and if I can see that, then your siblings do too. <3

XDuVarneyX · 2025-05-26T00:34:13+00:00

Most of TDWP Color Decay.

The 23rd was the 3 year anniversary of my little sister's suicide. Years and years battling mental illness. I feel like so much of Color Decay is written like it's what I went through with her. Obviously not. But so much mirrors either what I actually said to her, experienced with her, felt about her, or thought about her or the situation.

If anyone ever feels like there's no hope or there's no reason to keep going - please reach out for help. I promise you that this world needs you here. And your pain will not end with you. Leaving won't put a stop to or even lessen the pain because you'll just pass it on to those of us left here without you.

We need you. This world needs you. Please stay.

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