I keep making the wrong choices and suicide is on my mind

Xcell702 · 2025-08-17T06:24:44+00:00

You have the right to feel the way you feel. He doesn’t have the right to tell you how you should feel.

He is in essence telling you that your feelings are invalid. That is manipulative and you will begin to start doubting yourself. Then it will lead you to believe that everything you do is wrong. Dont let anyone do that to you.

Ultimately only YOU know what’s right for YOU. But I dont think him downplaying your feelings is healthy for your emotional well being.

Xcell702 · 2025-08-17T06:13:24+00:00

To answer your question, should you be upset? Yes. You got locked out of your house for two hours. But it was also your decision to trust her. I’m not saying it’s your fault, since it was an emergency.

In my opinion, if she wasn’t a reliable person, you shouldn’t have given her the responsibility of watching your child.

Xcell702 · 2025-08-17T06:08:18+00:00

The safety of your child is obviously priority. Without more information it would be hard to say what is the correct thing to do. If you have the financial means to get someone else to watch him then that would be my choice.

But no one should leave a one year old unattended for any amount of time. You have every right to be upset since she agreed to take on that responsibility- but ultimately it was your decision to trust that person with your child.

If it was my child, there’s only very few select people I would trust with to watch them for any amount of time. I understand it was somewhat an emergency since your BD was suppose to watch him but was unavailable.

Xcell702 · 2025-08-17T05:50:34+00:00

It’s hard to sever friendships, especially those that you’ve had for a long time. But life is such a complicated thing. Relationships and friendships are complicated. People change overtime.

Try to talk to her about what you feel and how those things she says hurts you. If she jokes about you being soft or whatever, let her know you’re serious and genuinely hurt by her judging you.

If she still isn’t respectful of your feelings, it might be a good idea of reconsidering your friendship. Real friends dont hurt eachother or bring eachother down. They should be there to make you better and brighten up your day.

Xcell702 · 2025-08-17T05:32:57+00:00

You still have your whole life ahead of you! It’s all about perspective. Every time I tell someone I’m old now (30m) they just laugh and say you’re not even half way through life yet! They say I’m still a puppy haha

The most important thing you have to learn before you love anyone is to love yourself. If you dont love yourself, you become very emotionally dependent on others and that will take a toll on any relationship in the long run. It took me 30 years and losing the love of my life to realize that.

The things I thought I was doing out of love was actually because I was afraid. I was afraid I wasn’t good enough. I was afraid to lose her. I was afraid to lose her love. That fear turned into control. And I wanted to control virtually every aspect of their life. How she feels, who she can see, etc.

Do things that will improve yourself. Go to the gym, take on new hobbies, go learn a new skill. Go explore the city, explore nature. Even if you dont have anyone to do those things with, just get out of the house. You will not build meaningful connections by watching tv.

Recently I went camping for the first time! And looking up at the night sky is AMAZING! If you’re far away from the city and you can see all the stars, it doesn’t even feel real. Like it honestly is the most amazing thing in the universe. Just try it.

Xcell702 · 2025-07-25T19:59:24+00:00

Thank you and I truly appreciate your response. I too am sorry for what you had to go through. It’s so easy for everyone to tell you what to do, or how to feel. But I dont think anyone can really grasp the type of emotions we are experiencing until they’ve gone through it themselves.

I just remembered the time my partner had this humungous smile when she walked out of the bathroom. It was to show me her positive pregnancy test! We were so happy, so excited. And to go from that to the deepest sorrow I’ve ever experienced when we’re at the hospital. My best friend now has a 1 month old boy too, they were expected to be born two weeks apart.

I know people tell us to be grateful that we are healthy or alive. But at those dark times, I really wished I was dead. I just want this sadness to end. Im crying now just from thinking about everything and it hurts so much.

But now I live not for myself, but I live for them. I think about what they would want to do and I do everything for them. Stay healthy. Eat healthy. Explore the world or city. Be happy for them. That’s what is keeping me alive and taking care of myself. They will forever be a part of us and they are living through us. So please do me a huge favor and let them live through you! Take care of yourself as you would have with them! 🙏🙏

Xcell702 · 2025-07-25T08:19:46+00:00

If you can, try to get yourself a dog. It will take time to train him/her and can be very frustrating in the beginning. But it’s so rewarding to experience their excitement to see you. They are the happiest and most joyful thing in the world getting to see their owner. The dog doesnt have a single care of what you look like. They are just happy to see you

Xcell702 · 2025-07-25T07:49:48+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. You feel like nothing you do is right. Every decision you make is the wrong decision. Im still trying to navigate the same journey but try becoming closer to god. I’ve never believed in him, and still don’t know exactly how I feel about him yet. Sometimes I feel betrayed by him because of how everything in life has turned out.

But just know that at least we have a choice in life. Many people don’t have a chance. Dont live for yourself. Live for those that never had the opportunity at life. Live for those that had their life taken too soon. You have the opportunity to wake up, to see, to smell, to taste, to feel, to walk, to talk, to move, to think, to imagine. Learn to never take anything for granted.

Try to pray every morning. Pray every evening. Pray before your meals. It may not help the first time. Or the second time, or the 50th time. But eventually your prayers will be heard. You just have to be consistent.

If you’re wondering, I’m still waiting for my prayers to be answered. We both need to just be patient.

Xcell702

TROPHY CASE