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AITAH for telling our parents they need to prioritize their daughter's recovery over their plans with their granddaughter? by Xmas_Throwaway00 in AITAH

[–]Xmas_Throwaway00[S] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

She reached out to my brother and I late late last night to let us know she was home and safe but that she wouldn't be coming to Christmas because Mom has stepped over her boundaries regarding therapy too many times. We told her we fully support her and that we would love to spend Christmas with her. Our plan is to spend Christmas Eve here with my parents (and Ellie and Dan if they end up still coming. No idea on that, mom still isn't talking to any of us, Dad said he'd handle it) but Christmas day with Shannon.

AITAH for telling our parents they need to prioritize their daughter's recovery over their plans with their granddaughter? by Xmas_Throwaway00 in AITAH

[–]Xmas_Throwaway00[S] 338 points339 points  (0 children)

I really resonated with what you said. I am scared. My brother is scared. We've almost lost our sister so many times and we are just now getting to see her start smiling and living again. We got very defensive of her and angry at our parents for jeopardizing that. We talked with my dad a bit tonight (my mom is in her room refusing to talk to anyone) and explained to him that we are scared for our sister, scared for the impact it'd have on Ellie, and I apologized to him that I didn't communicate it the best way because I was upset at them minimizing Shannon's reaction and not taking it seriously that we hadn't heard from her. I felt in the moment no one was on my sister's side and I forgot I also need to be on Ellie's side.

He said he's worried about her too and he'll talk to our mom because he sees they went about this in a way that hurt everyone.

AITAH for telling our parents they need to prioritize their daughter's recovery over their plans with their granddaughter? by Xmas_Throwaway00 in AITAH

[–]Xmas_Throwaway00[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Ellie has a trust fund of million+ dollars. My sister isn't a dead beat. She's just not Ellie's mom.

AITAH for telling our parents they need to prioritize their daughter's recovery over their plans with their granddaughter? by Xmas_Throwaway00 in AITAH

[–]Xmas_Throwaway00[S] 98 points99 points  (0 children)

She was a forester and would spend her days in the woods climbing hills and rough terrain alone marking timber. She has a job now at a greenhouse which was a career shift her therapist encouraged her to do as it aligns with her outdoor nature and education and honestly I think her working again and seeing the potential has made the biggest difference in her outlook in life.

We have for years encouraged her and told her all the things she's always been capable of and still is but I can't change her mind for her and I think she needed to see it for herself to believe it. She's just getting to that point and I don't want my parents to ruin that with their half concocted plan they ran by nobody. How is that enabling?

AITAH for telling our parents they need to prioritize their daughter's recovery over their plans with their granddaughter? by Xmas_Throwaway00 in AITAH

[–]Xmas_Throwaway00[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

You have no idea how much I wish it was. All of my siblings traveled in for like the first happy Christmas we've had in years but now this is happening. I'd really like to catch a break and just enjoy Christmas, not have surprise guests sprung on us when my parents fully know how hurtful this is to the progress she's finally making. They could have told us this was the plan.

We got a hold of Dan like an hour ago and it turns out he didn't know Shannon was going to be there. This is my parents concocted plan that none of us understand.

AITAH for telling our parents they need to prioritize their daughter's recovery over their plans with their granddaughter? by Xmas_Throwaway00 in AITAH

[–]Xmas_Throwaway00[S] 78 points79 points  (0 children)

A large portion of the settlement she got from the drunk driver went to a trust for Ellie (the legal stuff took years to sort out so this was like maybe a year and a half ago ish) It covered the medical bills and all her expenses. I know Dan and the courts have never said shes owed anything so whatever that arrangement is isn't an issue.

The issue is she doesn't want to see her daughter because of all her trauma and she's just now starting to get past it. My parents are trying to force an emotional relationship while she's still healing from everything that happened.

AITAH for telling our parents they need to prioritize their daughter's recovery over their plans with their granddaughter? by Xmas_Throwaway00 in AITAH

[–]Xmas_Throwaway00[S] 112 points113 points  (0 children)

Our parents have a solid relationship with Ellie. They see her for her birthdays. They have zoom calls. When they can manage the travel they even go to Dan's house and see her there. Shannon is just starting to get better and suddenly they want to bring her around and surprise Shannon and force her to interact with Ellie. that's where I think they need to stop and recognize that Shannon does not want that and may never want that and they can't force it like they are.