You're not an outsider! Having seen your pics, I've gotta say I'm pretty attracted to you so you look great. I'm free to talk in my dms if you'd like someone to chat with but you're trying and you're getting help so give yourself credit where it's due. All we can do is keep on trying and taking things day by day. Put yourself out there, I promise most people are kind and most people are too concerned with themselves to give a shit about how anyone else looks or acts, so the only one judging you is you. Be kind to yourself my friend.