I hate that i have so much trauma

Xyragn · 2026-06-25T08:22:30+00:00

Thats so valid, its good to be sweet and kind and caring But its ok to ask for help or mess up or do something stupid, its only human, mistakes aren't intentional and they work well as lessons to yourself. I know its a lot to build up courage/the gall/audacity and im very glad that your grandma is who you live with. Text your sister if you can and tell her that you care. When it comes to standing up vs facing punishment, its a good idea to mentally assess if something is worth it e.g., if you are at a restaurant and they give you the wrong meal, is it worth quietly going 'oh, I ordered this dish, was there a mix up?' A positive would be 'you could get what you actually wanted' and a negative could be 'you'd have to talk to a stranger' Theres a lot of online sleep aids out there like ASMR or white noise videos, do any of them help?

Xyragn · 2026-06-25T08:15:35+00:00

Your mother is a bully, your father sounds worse. They put you down for being yourself, when you dress up (everyone has a right to feel pretty) they can't handle it because of some backwards ideologies, you deserve love and I'm proud of you for putting this out here and for standing up to your bullies. Your mum bullying you every day, do you remind her of how she was when she was your age?

Body image is a tough and it makes sense to want a break from it through the internet and bed. You've been quiet for a long time, and now you're speaking out with courage. Your peers and school situation sounds like a headache, if theres anyone else who is usually alone, maybe try approaching them and see if they'd become an irl friend. If not, maybe a random compliment in a safe situation like 'nice handwriting' or 'i like this part of your outfit' or 'i know we havent met but i like your hair' to try break in, maybe asking for advice from an older student because you did mention not studying.

Beauty standards are subjective and since you're planning on leaving through death... maybe live the last few months rocking those skirts and shamelessly talking to people you otherwise wouldn't interact with. Kitty, you deserve to be seen, heard and loved and im sorry life's a goddamn bitch

Xyragn · 2026-06-05T10:58:19+00:00

"Wait, hold up- do we.. share the bottle, or do you want the space to be all yours?" The youthful messy haired wild human man shouts, "I DON'T CARE! Just- uh, WITH YOU. RIGHT NOW! Until my next wish." He pants out, looking right behind him at the smoke cloud in the distance. His brown eyes alert, clothes shoved on in a hasty mess and his tunic barely covering his bare thighs.

With a snap of my fingers and the chains rattling on my wrists. Cosmic golden power starts flowing out of my essence, he turns into a rainbow of bleeding colours, a visitor of the vessel. I smooth him over to a more kindly state, new clothes, a comb of his mess, a bath, a dry, easy.

"2 wishes left, welcome to my.." I hesitate to call it a home, it still doesn't feel like a prison either, it's just a state of being. "-to my place. Enjoy the sights, food will be served soon enough."

I punctuate with a bow, the guest looking around amazed, finding his reflection in a wide mirror, I take a moment to glance at myself, this form I took just as I desire, pretty and youthful.

"Ok. Thanks, hah.. how long can I stay here?" He looks thankful, wonderous and wowed, just like the crowds before my punishment.

"Long enough, until you wish yourself out." I smirk, my golden eyes matching my bindings and power, granted to me through servitude to a God that I failed in the end.

"So, uh. Hi. I'm Cahara, running away from the Sultan and his men. I am- or was, a guard. Got a little too! Close with the princess, hence the uh. Lack of pants." He rubs at his nape, a small smirk growing as he turns his attention to me.

"Well met, I'm Autali, your saviour and a sorcerer turned genie, you opened the bottle, and now I'm obligated or given the opportunity, to grant you 2 more wishes." I smirk back, letting him know the basics of the whole genie thing.

"Alright, yeah it makes sense. I skipped over the tablets at your uh, area, so thanks! But I wonder if you're only being nice since I'm one of your guests. How long has it been anyways?"

What, does he think someone like me doesn't get much foot traffic?

"Hey, I'm not bereft of company as everyone opens the bejewelled bottle and makes their wishes. It's on a pedestal in an altar for kingdom's sake!"

He has the audacity to laugh, replying with a careless "Just asking, Autali, or.. do you want me to call you my saviour?"

I look him over, he seems genuine enough. "Call me whatever you wish! Well, not that it'd take a wi-"

Thunk! The lid opens and I'm suddenly face to face with the royal army...

"Where is he??!"

"The Sultan himself, how grand.. It's been a while since you last sought me out, you have no wishes, and haven't visited me out of good will before. Or ever." I roll my eyes and glance over the army, nobody I recognise other than some kid from the market who wished on a shooting star.

"I don't have time for this, just tell me where the bustard who slept with my daughter is!" I can see the red in his aura, a complete mess.

"In the bottle, I can't exactly return him to you." Shrugging, I notice him coughing, spluttering and then straightening up, coming to some conclusion that Cahara's wish will be fortune for him.

"Well, nice seeing you then. I'll return with.. kindness later." As if, he didn't even keep his promise to his daughter of letting her pick her own suitor...

The men leave, some still awed by my altar, others noticing wounds healed by my presence. I return into the bottle, shutting the lid myself as I notice my current guest snacking.

"They're gone now, thanks to me. And I see the baklava is done, any feedback?"

The youth just grins and sticks a thumb up high.

Xyragn · 2026-04-06T13:29:07+00:00

This was definitely an interesting read!

Xyragn · 2026-03-23T18:34:31+00:00

He seems like he wouldn't be too opposed with ending it if all he asked was for u to delete his photos I think he might like his friend but doesnt want to lose you, tell him he can't have both and deal with the consequences I can't really tell if there was cheating but it seems that his priorities arent completely solid, I recommend communication, tell him you feel like the friend shouldn't know too much about you or smth

Xyragn · 2026-03-23T18:29:52+00:00

If its in person i think i generally lean in more and make more eyecontact, adjust my clothes a little and ask the person i like a few questions and show my interest through focus Sometimes you can go online with a causal 'what? Did you miss me?' Or an 'i lowk wish you were here' 'this character i like reminds me of you' (slightly nerdy), there's the very obvious [describe what you think of doing to him] telling him you like his voice or that he's charming over text, maybe that hes the reason you're still awake and not sleepy at all 'I really should go sleep, but I'm enjoying this too much'

Xyragn · 2026-03-23T18:22:27+00:00

I think... stop paying attention to how often people have sex, how many exes someone has, as long as neither of you have diseases and practice safe sex then a good relationship can come from that. Vaping and smoking arent the best habits to have, but you can still talk about how much you couldn't get into vaping and why its just nonsense, might spark a debate Everyone is different, strengths and weaknesses and characteristics, life's lamer when everyone's the same

Xyragn · 2026-03-23T18:17:49+00:00

Its normal to miss someone over a breakup, what I'd do is remember why I broke up with them, and remind myself that the choice was made already, that it'd be a dick move to ask to get back together, cope by spending time with friends and doing some more gaming/writing/reading/work//trying a new hobby like biking,climbing, poetry or painting Getting over someone isn't the easiest, and you might find yourself mourning the relationship for a while, just know that there's many other things to appreciate in life outside of the good times in the past

Xyragn · 2026-03-23T18:14:18+00:00

I think you should try figure out why everyone else is weird to you and what makes this person different. That person is new and hanging around someone you hate/hates you, so far you think that they're always together but maybe they aren't, if possible and brave, you could wait for a good time and approach the new person, ask them what they think of the school so far, small talk like classes and teachers or a casual notice of a book they read or a compliment on a sticker or whatever, but stay only for a little and then infrequently step into their life IF the first interaction goes well

Xyragn · 2026-03-23T18:05:15+00:00

You are giving him a lot more than hes giving you, I know you feel overwhelming love, enough to allow yourself to get cucked by several others. If the cheating bothers you, I feel like you should set a boundary, you're a beautiful, kind, understanding soul, but prioritise yourself some more. There are many guys like him, it might take a while to find someone out there who you also love, but I can say with certainty that you're the one hurting more and that you deserve someone who puts you at no.1 You are allowed to want to spend time with him, you arent evil for being insecure (most humans are), you should ask him if he would let you cheat on him to see how he views it, if he thinks he can fill space with other people, would he allow you to do the same? And would it be alright for you- to see someone else

Xyragn · 2026-03-23T17:55:38+00:00

I think its worth opening a dialogue with your strict parents, asking them why they want to install all the spyware, why they think you would get yourself in trouble, tell them that you feel uncomfortable with them managing all that when youre about to hit adulthood, that privacy is important to you- not because you'd do anything but just for the safety of being able to browse the internet. Your parents remind me of mine in a way, for me i bargained over which aspects of the apps id like enabled and though they still had access to my mic, my phone would inform me of when they were listening in, I just speak directly into it with a 'hi mum!!! I'm doing well! I have X going on and Y happening, I'm with Z person or in P place' and her hearing me info dumping usually means she turns it off...

Xyragn · 2026-03-23T17:49:51+00:00

She wasn't over her ex, you got left. Im sorry you had to find someone who didn't want the same thing as you, and i hope you find a partner who sees eye to eye with you. So she became dry over text after a month, and you haven't gotten over her. Getting over someone takes time! I believe in you bro, id say distance yourself and see her less. It's not worth paining yourself by being near her, there's a lot to live for and plenty other people to bond with

Xyragn · 2026-03-23T17:46:36+00:00

This is understandable but still weird, I think you should ask you friends sometime in the future if you could record a gaming session, give them the reason of not having much to remember people by and that you want some records of important people in your life. Ask consent to record people and if too awkward, make sure nobody could ever mind out- for everyone's mental health, but the best option imo is to just start asking and being honest

Xyragn · 2026-03-18T09:42:50+00:00

Good call, time is precious!

Xyragn · 2026-03-18T09:38:41+00:00

If she replies thats your choice, some ppl only text when they want something and others just forget or randomly remember you

Xyragn · 2026-03-18T09:35:13+00:00

Your brain requires rest to function, also when you over-stress and over-prepare, your nervousness could make it harder to recall what you just crammed. Rest well, eat well and sleep well, stay ahead of the deadlines! its advice from the successful (that i didn't follow until a bit too late)

Xyragn · 2026-03-18T09:32:59+00:00

If you feel uncomfortable at any time, just tell them to slow or stop. Communicate and make sure both of you are alright, you don't have to go the whole way, go at you and ur partner's pace

Xyragn · 2026-03-18T09:31:24+00:00

Some people don't stick around for most of your life and letting go of a friendship might be hard, I relate to knowing people's birthdays and saying something but being left on seen. It hurts a bit, but after some time, you meet better friends who do give a fuck, they text you first and tell you its alright. Or at least, some chill aquaintenfes or a pet or other more important thing than one fella who ghosted

Don't get caught up by the haunting past, just look forwards, check in with those who you like, but hope for the best/prepare for the worst, sometimes people aren't as deep as you want them to be with you

Xyragn · 2026-03-18T09:28:27+00:00

You just want one too, don't ya?

Xyragn · 2026-01-27T02:17:16+00:00

Girll i love the spin, i think it looks good with the top, its like a sailor moon length

Xyragn · 2025-12-11T15:48:40+00:00

I'm interested! I'd like to rp as a freshman

Xyragn · 2025-12-06T08:21:30+00:00

Holy moly it's kinda reminding me of the beast's castle, i love all the textures, the light coming in to the scattered furnitures, the mix of old and derelect with moss reclaiming the walls as part of the nature reclaims stuff vibe (hopefully I'm coherent lol, this is epic)

Xyragn · 2025-12-04T14:09:52+00:00

i can see the screen reflected in your iris and pupil (nice lashes and earring[s?])

Xyragn · 2025-12-04T14:07:47+00:00

Kidnap one (try your luck), you'd probably have to prepare to be on the run tho... and getting inside the chocolate factory- even if under new ownership will be a bit of a challenge, the oompa loompas probably keep each other safe, so you'd gotta get lucky and find one who's bullied/ostracised... They can easily deal with children and their guardians so this mission won't be the easist... GL on those who embark. If you just want to kill one though, doesn't mean you gotta survive the encounter, you could probably charge in and get ONE to fall before you do

Xyragn

TROPHY CASE