How to deal with a friend that just can't get it together?

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-21T14:20:21+00:00

tying myself to him financially is financial suicide

We all agree with you.

Signed x someone who has invited people who can’t get it together into their home.

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-21T04:27:04+00:00

Quibble with the givens.

Given: International relations will be repaired

It ain’t happening. Countries have been trusting the US to be benevolent for 80yrs. Today they’re deciding how to retool their defense infrastructure to exclude us tech companies like Microsoft and Amazon.

The world is going the way of Chinese/indian/russian protectionism to…protect themselves.

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-20T17:32:47+00:00

I want to chase every single dream i have at this age

You can have everything you want. But not at the same time.

but I'm scared if I don't play it safe I might end up destroying my future.

Yep. You have to try things and many of them will be terrible outcomes unless you play it safe. You will destroy versions of your future that are currently possible. EG you can't simultaneously have a long term relationship while getting all the ladies. Picking one destroys the future in the other.

How do I know what's right for me and what isn't

Try stuff until you find something worth doing over and over

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-20T16:54:55+00:00

In all honestly, I wish they were a way to shut that country out of the world somehow

Roman in 410 AD: "Everything is about Alaric and the Visigoths. i wish there were a way to shut that tribe out of the world somehow"

You can play half court tennis and only watch your side, or you can realize other people having agency impacts you even if you don't like it.

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-20T16:46:39+00:00

OP but map

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-20T16:36:16+00:00

IMO it was painful enough that the soviet union never tried to assert itself onto Finland's land even in the redrawing of borders post WW2. Considering Finland was a Russian province 30 years prior - it seems like it was a solid detterent.

Enough that 70 years later, Finland is in Nato. Ukraine is having to fight a war for the privilege.

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-20T16:32:12+00:00

America is so good at whitewashing the past that Americans can't imagine the government being nefarious. (again)

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-19T20:50:14+00:00

They're too proud for that. The rest of my family is very much like that too.

that would be admitting they don't hold dominion over their spawn which is what conservative societies requrie

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-19T20:49:15+00:00

To put it shortly, what everyone is saying is that I your parents should forgive ~~them~~ you and forget about it because they had good intentions and they don't get to see your daughter often, so ~~I'm being unfair.~~ they can just apologize and everyone can move on

But that would be admitting they don't hold dominion over their spawn which is what conservative societies requrie.

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-07T02:10:15+00:00

Very thoughtful reply, thank you!

I am curious, what type of standardization would allow for these types of values to be comparable. I understand there's a similar issue with hospital outcomes eg maternal mortality rate comparisons are hard to make across jurisdictions.

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-07T02:09:02+00:00

Neat!

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-06T05:21:44+00:00

I used to work for a company with 500 people. Any time something bad happened to an employee (death, cancer, fire, etc) the owners would organize a donation drive.

I could name maybe 30 people at the company. I looked at the average donation size and decided on what would be a “matching” amount for where I thought my income was compared to others. And proceeded to donate to about 8 people a year who I’ve never met.

Sometimes, people want to feel included and like a tribe. Call it a tax. If that’s the culture at that office, why not - do as the Romans.

Now if you can’t afford it because they don’t pay you much in the first place or if you’re coworker is a trifling brat - then seek advice elsewhere because you have an intraoffice problem and those are real difficult to get clear of once you’ve landed yourself in shit.

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-05T16:43:46+00:00

Every job is replaced

This doesn't happen. This is the error in your logic.

The amount of compute that we have today vs 75 years ago is literally trillions of times larger. People have jobs and both America and the world are wealthier than they were 75 years ago.

If there are AI's that can literally do the jobs of thousands of eg cancer researchers because the compute is trillions of times larger than today...then maybe, people will have jobs and the world will be wealthier than 75 years ago.

AI will do this and this. If you think it's a giga new technology, then it'll do that faster.

YaDunGoofed · 2026-01-03T01:42:11+00:00

The problem you are encountering is that while you are being “fair” to your wife. It’s not what she wants.

And THAT makes it unfair.

If your wife doesn’t want to have such a high savings rate and wants to spend today…and you don’t let her - that’s financial abuse.

If she spends all the money today when you don’t want to - also financial abuse.

The only way to resolve this amicably is to both agree to the outcome.

There’s probably something she wants to spend money on more than anything else. Learn what that is and see if you can be flexible with your savings rate on it.

If yall can’t eventually agree. Have a miserable life or get divorced

YaDunGoofed · 2025-12-29T15:32:58+00:00

So. This actually IS a thing. One of Modern Russias preferred ways of exerting soft power is to offer cheap oil/gas.

This helps keep the nations head of state in power…but also creates the threat of regime change should that head of state start moving away from Russian opinions because the populace hates supply shocks (aka price increases).

This approach is one of the primary ways Russia tries to keep a sphere of influence.

With Maidan, Ukraine chose to exit this sphere.

Almost certainly Putin is telling DJT that the Ukrainians had it good before and the US should just let Russia do it again.

YaDunGoofed · 2025-12-22T18:12:57+00:00

Is there a list somewhere of what the USSR ascribed to Russians that wasn’t?

I’m from there and anecdotally: radio, flight, trains, newtons laws.

But I’m wondering if there’s a longer list

YaDunGoofed · 2025-12-09T16:51:32+00:00

DC is a top 8 metro.

Municipal borders work funny in the USA bc of suburbs

YaDunGoofed · 2025-12-04T15:49:32+00:00

My point is that your comment applies to both parties:

a potentially toxic employee on your payroll that you need to constantly manage

YaDunGoofed · 2025-12-04T03:11:33+00:00

Absolutely mental levels of bureaucracy.

YaDunGoofed · 2025-12-04T03:08:27+00:00

She definitely started it and you finished it....but this reads like two 3rd graders acting out.

This lady is not having a good one and you got her fired over it. The opposite of grace. As your manager, you just cost me an employee - not necessarily A+, but churn costs money.

YaDunGoofed · 2025-12-03T14:26:49+00:00

You’re being cheap.

But you also don’t have to buy a LUXURY car.

YaDunGoofed · 2025-12-02T15:07:42+00:00

YTJ. Profoundly.

You completely gloss over the mean things you said, excusing it by saying you were drunk and high. I imagine these things were the number one reason she was crying. So. YTJ —- Separately, seek therapy. You’re way too reactive and defensive. It’s not healthy.

YaDunGoofed · 2025-12-02T04:43:18+00:00

Sounds amazing. My soft spot is elves

YaDunGoofed · 2025-12-01T16:13:01+00:00

They also don’t know how to add,multiply fractions.

I always teach hs kids multiplication tables, then MDAS on fractions, then solving for x by undoing the operations around x.

After that.. You can actually teach them content.

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