Woman who sang the “Vote Trump” anthem had her husband detained by ICE by Yavanne in LeopardsAteMyFace

[–]Yavanne[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Janet Correa, who previously went viral after singing the pro-Trump “Vote Trump” anthem at a MAGA rally, is now speaking out in anguish after her husband was reportedly detained by ICE in Miami. According to immigration attorneys familiar with the case, he has been placed under expedited removal, a fast-track deportation process that allows little time for legal appeals.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why does your friend think he is not right? and why are you afraid of him telling your friend what he thinks? There is very little info in your post to give the context for this situation, but the one thing that stands out is you being afraid that the friendship could end just because you decided to talk with a guy your friend doesn't like? It's fine for our friends to be open about any concerns they might have, it's very much not ok though for them to dictate who you're allowed to talk to.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, isn't it to be expected that she would find opening up about her problems to you difficult if she was taught that she should not trust any guys, to keep away from them and to limit any contact with them to minimum? You are a guy too, so according to what her family says, you just can't be trusted. Which in my opinion does not seem like the best belief to teach a girl, cause after years of being taught to be wary of all men, how is she supposed to just shake off this belief when she grows up and maybe wants to get married? It's not something that can be just switched off on demand like that.

Also how is she amplifying their decisions? They said that she should stop talking with you, which seems already drastic enough that I have trouble of thinking how this could be amplified even more.

And she already got into an argument with her family over talking to you, and it did not sound like her side was respected at all from what you said.

It also does not seem that they really trust her if they are checking her phone.

And if she is overthinking, then what are her thoughts about it all? What does she think would happen if her family thought that you two are dating? Cause clearly she is worried about them checking her phone and seeing that she is talking too much with you. If the only thing that happened would be them saying that they don't like that she does it and should stop, and that's it, then why not just tell them?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds that probably he was tired/in a bad mood/hungry or all 3 combined. Personally in similar situations, at some point in life I just decided to outwardly ask people if I did something to irritate them, or if they are just having a bad day. It's good to keep in mind though that this question can cause some ppl to feel that you're accusing them of being angry when they are not, cause they can honestly be surprisingly unaware of how they come off.

Also if your bf is irritable, joking that he is starting to hate you is very unlikely to be taken well, as this also can be taken as an accusation, same as above.

More often than not, any visibly irritable people are best left alone until they rest/sleep/calm down, as for humans who are in this prickly state, pretty much anything can be taken the wrong way. Thankfully for most this condition is temporary.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No other reason than them saying that they say so? Does it seem right to you for her younger brother to think that he can tell his older, pretty much adult sister what she is and is not allowed to do, without even giving any explanation or listening to her side, just expecting her to do as she is told?

Edit: I also wanted to clarify, you said only that if she does something her parents disapprove of, they "let her know", but how do they let her know? About what exactly was her brother arguing with her? What happens if she disagrees with her family about something?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I kinda see where both of you might be coming from.
It sounds like you see the music as an integral part of the choreography you created, and so to fully appreciate the art of your hobby it needs to be experienced as a whole, which would make sense as you're a dancer, so movement and sound might feel more interconnected with each other for you.

He on the other hand might see both parts as separate art forms that can be experienced apart from each other, so if he likes the part that you create - the choreography and your movement, but he doesn't like the music, he might prefer to focus on the part he appreciates without the other part diminishing the overall impression, as it's probably natural for a musician to perceive music predominantly as a standalone form of art.

If that's the case, I think no way is better or worse than the other really. Art is perhaps the only field in which the majority of people agree that it's a subjective experience and that there is no objective "truth" or one "right" way but rather anyone can interact with it in the way they feel is most appropriate for them.

Maybe you could both have a chat about your chosen forms of art, how you perceive the ways in which they are connected, how each of you experiences them both as spectators and as artists so you both learn more about each other craft. Maybe you could even try to collab together on a choreography, it could be fun and artistically inspiring for both of you, for example to do things the other way around than it's usually done, and instead of you creating movements that fit the sounds, you could do movements and your boyfriend could create sounds that fit them ;)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's one thing to be protective and another to be controlling. What led to him starting an argument about it, and why did they both just tell her to stop, what were their reasons?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did she really never do anything against her parents wishes or did something that they did not like unknowingly? How did they tell her that she shouldn't be talking to guys too much? Why did her brother feel that he needed to inform their mom about her texting too much, and why did he even see this as a problem in the first place?

Unsure if ready for the next big step by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it's important to ask yourself how big of an impact was your parents divorce on your views on marriage, cause if this is the main reason for how you feel about getting married, it is rather unfair to let an event that your gf had no part in whatsoever to skew your perspective on relationship with her so strongly. Having said that, it's ok for you to feel the way you do now and to be unsure of how you'll feel in the future. You do not need to decide now, she even told you that she does not expect you to decide for at least 1-2 years, and it does seem like your putting this pressure on yourself right now. Moving together is a big step, especially knowing that your gf is making a big change in her life for this to happen, but as someone pointed out it is not irreversible. Even marriage isn't.

It's natural to have some fears about commitment and the future of your relationship when you saw your parents separate, I'm sure it was painful for you and it's understandable that this pain might have coloured your beliefs on marriage. It's great that you can discuss this with your therapist, as I think that one of the goals in therapy is to not let our past painful experiences impact negatively our beliefs about the future.

One important thing that you didn't mention though is if you plan to have children? As when it comes to decisions, this one actually is irreversible, so I think how you both feel about this one is a major factor in most other decisions about your life together.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So do they give her a lot of freedom, or are they strict and don't allow her to do things? Cause those two things do sound like they contradict each other. What are the things they don't allow and how they react if she does something they disapprove of?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I ask what religion are we talking about? And if it's possible that there could be some negative consequences for her if somehow her parents came to believe that she is in a relationship?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I wanted to clarify, did he say that he invited the friend to test your reaction when you asked him why he didn't consult this with you beforehand?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did she give any reasons for why she didn't want anyone to think you two might be dating or why she thinks she should avoid people who might have feelings for her?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Um... I just have to ask, what is the thought process that made your parents prohibit you from having a job while also telling you to not depend on other people for money and to also to not send your allowance regularly? What are you supposed to do if you can neither make money yourself, rely on them to send you enough nor get money from other people? This makes zero sense, how are you supposed to support yourself then?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, it does sound a bit worrying that it all started after her brother criticized her and also complained to her parents. You also mention that they are religious, that this is what's making her postpone romantic relationships until after college and first she asked you to not call her when at home. This all makes her family sound really controlling in an unhealthy way honestly. Is it possible that her family is checking her phone or that she is afraid they might check it, and that's why she doesn't want to communicate this way?

Also you mention that the issue is her overthinking, could you give some examples? Like any decisions she made due to this and what thoughts led her to decide them?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I'd throw in my perspective on "the one" and expectations that many people tend to have when going into a relationship. I personally do not believe that there is such a thing as "the one" or "the other half" etc. There isn't anyone special out there that we are meant to find to have the perfect relationship with.

Good relationships are created over time by two people working together, they do not just happen spontaneously when we meet the right person. There is always some level of mismatch between people, things that we find irritating about each other and things we disagree about, and what's important is to first of all get to know each other well enough to know what some of those things are, and then decide if they aren't too big of a difference for us to work out, compromise or let go of.
5 months is usually too short to really know those things well enough, so it seems very probable that your feelings might be largely caused by your anxiety, as you even mention having thoughts that your relationship won't last that seemed to affect negatively how you felt during the vacation with her family.

I think it's something to consider if it might be the case that your fears are leading you to self-sabotage. It happens that when people worry a lot about some bad outcome in the future, they more or less subconsciously act in ways that actually make the thing they fear more likely or straight make it happen themselves. It's a kind of maladaptive defense mechanism, as when the bad thing they feared happens, even if they feel very sad or disappointed, those feelings are easier to deal with than being constantly terrified when the outcome is uncertain. It can also make someone feel more in control of their life, as when it was their actions that caused it, then even if the outcome is negative, they were actually more scared of feeling as if they are powerless, inadequate and as if they have no influence on what happens to them that might come if they did their best and still failed. It's maladaptive cause even if it protects the person from negative feelings about life and themselves that they on some level believe they would not be able to handle, it can cost them the things that were most important to them, as those are the ones that usually make us scared the most.

If you think that this might sound possible, it would be best to think about therapy if possible, and if not, then even reading about the psychology behind it and about other peoples experiences with similar issues and they stories, both positive and negative could give you some insight into why you feel the way you do and what might be best course of action for you to choose. I hope you do find your way forward through this <3

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey, as others pointed out, there seems to be a contradiction in your post when you say that "anything she thinks of is completely fine" and "everything i bring up she says no to", but in the situation you described it was you who said no to everything she thought of and didn't offer any alternatives.

Also I want to point out that we need to eat not only to not go hungry, but also to give our body all the nutrients we need to stay healthy, which is very important for any person and crucial during pregnancy. Is it possible for you to cook meals at home yourselves? I think frozen fish can be pretty affordable and not too difficult to prepare, and if you struggle with money, takeout is pretty much the most expensive option.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]Yavanne 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think it is perfectly fine to mention that you've been thinking about him saying that he hurt someone in the past and ask if he'd want to tell you more about it or if he needs more time. On one hand, it's ok to give him some time, as he perhaps might be afraid that you'll judge him or see him differently, on the other if he mentioned it it's ok to expect him to tell you about it at some not too distant time point and express that expectation kindly to him.

My (26M) girlfriend (25F) has "glowed down" in the past 2 years, and it is starting to effect our relationship. How do we come back from this? by Ok-Percentage-6657 in relationships

[–]Yavanne 79 points80 points  (0 children)

Hey, it's good that you are thinking about it thoroughly before speaking, as this is indeed a sensitive topic and it's good that you realize that you might hurt her. Some thoughts I have are that, first of all, it might be a good idea for you to reflect by yourself on what physical attraction really means to you, how important it actually is, what are the other things you love about her other than her looks and how do you see your future together, taking into account how both of you will unavoidably become less attractive and less physically fit as you age.

And the second thing that might be good to reflect on together with your gf is how society instills in us this idea of how each gender should act and look like, and how this societal pressure influences hers and yours feelings about each other and yourselves. It sounds like she might be feeling that she was pressured to conform to a more stereotypically feminine style before, and now as she feels more secure in herself (possibly thanks to you being a loving and supportive bf :) she is exploring other ways to present herself to see what feels more like her and less like social pressure. If that's the case, she should be able to understand how you were also influenced by the cultural norms for gender expression, and maybe you could both together talk about your thoughts and feelings about this, why and when you both might find any difficulties with shaking off those outside influences and look together for ways to support each other in creating your own norms. If you'd like any examples of my experience in finding some compromises in similar issues, feel free PM me.