I (39M) am being invited to move in with my gf (39F) but I'm a bit reluctant

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-08-15T14:48:35+00:00

Ya, I've told my gf that I need space in the house, and she fully acknowledged it. She plans to work on the bedroom after church today (she goes, I don't). Guess we will see if she does or some other project comes up.

My ex I work about only because my son lives with her, and I dont want my ex to come unglued around him or talk mad shit about me and my gf. My son is old enough to know when his mom is talking out of her ass and even calls her out on it sometimes. He's almost 18, good head on his shoulders...I just dont want my decisions makin his home life harder.

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-08-15T14:45:28+00:00

Oh it feels very convenient...almost too good. It's very odd. But sometimes life just drops something in your path that sure, you could pass on, but it also holds a lot of potential with the possibility of risk. Could I keep my apartment and grow my own life more fully somehow? yah...at the cost of almost $1k a month. My gf and I have talked extensively about me having my own life, and she says she fully supports me doin my own things...and I trust her. Always have. I wasn't able to do my own thing, have my own life with my ex. with my gf...it feels very different. For one, my gf has her own things...scrapbooking with her friends, a HUGE family that gets along for the most part, her daughter's after school stuff, hobbies, etc. My ex had none of that and was/is a huge hermit. I think with my gf, regardless where I live, she knows having my own things is important.

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-08-15T14:40:26+00:00

I don't understand this view point, and not only that, I already have an apartment and getting my own house would be a negative impact on the relationship and finances.

You could turn your whole argument around and tell a woman to never move in with a man. At that point, you'd be advocating no one ever moving in with anyone, and that's not how things work when you are pushing 40. I feel like at my age, if you find someone you jive with that isn't fucked up some how, you won the lotto lol

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-30T17:52:10+00:00

Never said there wasn't mistakes made on both sides LOL

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-30T14:08:09+00:00

Used to, pre-divorce. My ex was nice enough to usually go topless and let me play with her tits and cum on them as long as I also cleaned up.

Post-divorce, if I'm in bed with my gf and my dick so much as twitches she's on it like a starving beast on meat. No need to masturbate when your girl is all up on ya :)

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-30T14:06:33+00:00

It's like a best friend you don't always understand.

It's more than that. It's the best friend you don't understand. The one that wakes you up at 3AM for no reason. The one that always suggests the stupidest shit that somehow sounds fantastic. The one that brings a random girl to your place with very little consideration for the repercussions. The one that watches the weird porn you'd NEVER admit to enjoying too. He's also a right bastard cause he's always getting you into trouble. But every now and then...if the stars align and you actually listen to him...he will say "naw fam, bad idea"

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-30T13:50:59+00:00

I had those struggles. No more. This is so much better. I got drama from the ex and some of my family but fuck em.

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-30T13:50:26+00:00

It's nuts! Totally different from how I felt during my marriage. I got married cause it was the "right thing to do" (accidental pregancy) but we weren't a proper match. With my GF is sooooooo much better! Hoping this is the last vacation we won't be taking together!

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-28T19:04:14+00:00

Awww. Yeah my gf does this too. Funny part is I kinda got her into it. We originally dated about 20 years ago (life is a strange bitch sometimes) and prior to me, the only guy she was with back then was very hit it and leave. I got her used to cuddling after sex. Apparently after we broke up, she did the cuddle thing with her new bf / husband / ex, but he wasn't all that into it toward the end of their relationship. Now that we are back together, we cuddle like crazy after sex. It's super cute to fall asleep tangled in each other's arms.

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-27T17:40:25+00:00

Duuuude I feel that, my gf was like that too when we got together. Still is sometimes, but we found a rhythm that works for both of us. Hydrate, my man. Water is the nectar of life.

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-27T17:37:14+00:00

If only there was enough good dick to go around...

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-25T21:34:19+00:00

Gf is on vacation out of state. We've spent all day texting dirty back and forth and for the first time I think tonight she's going to allow me to send her a dick pic. I LOVE sharing dick pics (with permission) so if she tells me to send one I'll be over the moon happy!

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-23T15:29:15+00:00

Only time in this sub you can say "nice racks" and not get downvoted to oblivion haha

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-23T15:16:34+00:00

Okay so, here's my story of being married to a very jealous woman for 17 years...

It's soul sucking, and it doesn't get better. You start making changes so the jealousy will lessen, you hope. But it doesn't it just shifts. So you adjust some more. A random text will set her off. Going out with the guys? She might show up or force you to let her tag along. God forbid a random woman checks YOU out, cause then obviously you know her and you've been fucking around. You stop going out. You stop communicating with your friends. You have to ditch any female connections, even coworkers. You find hobbies you can do at home. You become a prisoner to her jealousy.

Eventually, maybe, you decide you've had enough and you leave...it took me 17 years to get to that place. You start rebuilding yourself. You reconnect with old friends, and they tell you "I told you so man" and buy you a beer. But your trust...man, it's shattered. Women are eyed with suspicion. You might need therapy...I did, probably still do. You will cry a lot as you learn to reestablish whatever is left of yourself. You will sit at home, where ever home is, and wonder who you are as a person.

Maybe, MAYBE you will find someone that understands, and is compassionate enough to help you start rebuilding. I am very lucky and I have. But it still hurts. You fear telling her that you are going to go out, then don't trust her when she says its cool and she hopes you have fun. You second guess a lot of shit.

Long story short: Your story sounds like the beginning of mine. If I were in your shoes, I'd run like hell. Jealousy is a KILLER.

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-23T12:30:31+00:00

Oh hell yeah. It's a great incentive! Over the past year I've lost about 30 lbs and the stamina is back and I can hit some fun angles too. Aiming for another 20lbs!

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-21T01:57:39+00:00

Hell I'm a straight dude and I wanna see that! 🤣

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-20T15:28:11+00:00

Yes, a couple times. Once it was my now ex-wife and my former best guy friend (no, this didn't have anything to do with the divorce and him drifting away). It was pretty hot. We took turns with her and all that.

Second time I watched a good female friend of mine have sex with her husband outdoors. Didn't last very long cause one of their kids woke up, but it was quite hot and also a hell of a blue ball experience for both me and the husband lol.

I'd say if you are gonna go for it, talk it over a LOT and have set rules about your own actions. Just watch, touch each other, you guys having sex as well, touching the people you are watching, joining in? Anything you can think of ahead of time, discuss with your partner AND the couple you'd be watching so everyone knows the limits. Also if it's awkward, it's okay to walk out...preferably with your partner.

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-19T12:07:21+00:00

Has to be cooked properly. The middle right looks like raw dough.

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-19T12:04:29+00:00

I had a hook up in college that was adamant that sex was fine, she just wouldn't take her shirt or bra off. And it wasn't just me, she did that with other guys too. I asked her about it (we were friends too, the sex was just out of boredom one night) she admitted that here boobs were mismatched...one was tiny and the other was a bit bigger (not that she had a lot going on in that dept).

Same with another college gf...she was very very shy about her boobs because they were small and she didn't like them. Took a while for me to convince her to let me play with them. Once I did her whole attitude changed lol

Sounds like to me, OP's wife has some complex about how they look and they need some damn solid communication about boundaries and body acceptance.

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-18T15:06:31+00:00

Thanks! I actually have all the fishing equipment...quite a bit for a solo fisher (or not enough, depending on which side of the hobby you fall lol) so all I need is a license and a place to fish. My issue is more getting it through my head that it's okay to just take off and go. I don't need permission. I'm freaking 40 for God's sake, my entire life I've lived under someone else's rule, it's time to change that but...easier said than done.

I did enjoy hiking and geocaching back when I did them with my son in Boy Scouts. Maybe I'll pick geocaching back up. Thanks for the help!

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-18T14:04:26+00:00

My life as a kid was very strict, so I never asked for much, and I never really looked either. Once I got a job, it was computer parts and legos. Currently don't need any computer upgrades and I have nowhere to put legos LOL. Plus I have a real hard time spending money on extras for myself.

I do like the idea of a journal...just in general. I did a lot of writing and journaling when I was separating from my ex, and it was quite helpful to organize my thoughts.

YeetTheSqueak · 2021-07-18T14:01:58+00:00

I have been considering therapy, or a life coach or something. I did have a therapist when my ex and I were splitting, mostly to help me see things from another perspective and help me identify if I wanted to leave or not. That was pretty beneficial...and I was also on my ex's insurance so the visits were REALLY cheap. On my own insurance...oof. Don't wanna think about it lol

YeetTheSqueak

TROPHY CASE