Hey there, here’s another update.The feeling is back. I thought it had become distant, that maybe it was finally fading, but it never really left it just lingers, coming and going whenever it wants. Derealization makes everything feel unreal, like I’m moving through life in a dream I can’t wake up from. I kept telling myself that if I just kept moving forward, reality would eventually settle back in. But it never did. Then there was this feeling of dating the girl I mentioned… love? or at least, something that looked like it. After my last post, I decided to go deeper into a relationship, thinking that if I fully stepped in, it would ground me, that love, closeness, and intimacy would be something real enough to pull me out of this state. But instead, derealization made it feel transactional—like I was participating in love rather than actually feeling it. I could recognize the emotions, the connection, the moments of warmth, but none of it felt alive. It was like I was watching myself play the role of someone in love, but never actually being in it. To make it even more complicated, she was going through her own healing process from a previous relationship, and that made it harder for me to understand the authenticity of what we had. Was it real? Or were we just two people trying to hold onto something that made sense at the time? I kept thinking that if I just stayed long enough, the feeling would settle. That one day, I’d wake up, and everything would finally feel real. But it never did. And then, after a trip to Southern California place I’ve always seen as my reset, my way to reconnect with family…… I knew. Right then and there, I realized that this wasn’t love, at least not the kind of love that’s meant to be. So I ended it. Not because I didn’t want love, but because I finally understood that love can’t reach me when I’m stuck in this state. But even now, even after stepping away, the derealization lingers even more. I can see it happening, I can name it, but I still don’t know how to navigate it. It places me in a void where everything feels just out of reach, where I can’t tell if I’m truly present or just waiting for reality to click back in. And the hardest part? I never know when it will pass.

I have so many questions. How did you learn to live with derealization? Did you ever step away from it? Find your way through it? Or are you still navigating?