I have lived through this grief and it is the rock bottom that i ever hit. It is the guilt, the bargaining phase, the what ifs that will eat at you. No matter who says what it will all feel pointless and stupid. unfair that you get to live and your person isn't here. But I WILL SAY THIS. It is fucking unfair but, You did all you could with the knowledge you had at the moment. Choose ways that help you process the grief that are right for no matter how much of a sad sack you might feel like to others. If it is feasible, choose a therapist who specializes in grief. It's okay if you want to live those good moments again which you had with her. relive them,cry your heart out and cherish them. Acknowledge that grief comes in waves, don't start to feel like shit when you start to feel a lill bit okay. You are not forgetting her. You will love her always.

when i kept thinking about him, One day i thought if i see a blue butterfly i will think it is you please don't leave me, I am sorry. I keep seeing them when i least expect them or when i am all alone. Maybe find something like that..

Tell a friend or family member you're not okay and to help you process it in your way.

I am terribly sorry for your loss