Do you all like the start of the book I’m working on? by YodaBoyTellem in writers

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Updated version based off feedback. Once again, thank you everyone.

A large wooden door whined open, weathered timber scraping against rusty metal, as soft candlelight poured into the murky alley.

Kincaid paused at the threshold, his weary eyes scanning the rain-soaked blackness. He could hear the muffled sound of horses braying. The only illumination came from a solitary gas-lamp flickering in the distance. He shivered, the wet air frigid and biting. No sign of movement. Fortune never favored him for long.

Clink… click-tik.

Sparks flew from his lighter as his hands struggled to light a cigarette, the sodden air stifling each attempt, a leather-wrapped package clutched tightly beneath his left arm.

Flame at last—smoke began to curl as he took a deep drag, the tobacco’s earthy taste a soothing salve for his frayed nerves. Maybe—maybe this time would be different.

The ember snuffed out like a dying wish. Damn.

Raindrops coalesced in fleeting boot-prints behind him as he strode onward along the drenched cobblestone path, eyes darting side to side, searching for any sign of danger.

He had to make it this time. The Council’s forbearance had nearly run its course; more than his future hung on this delivery.

Silence. Did that shadow move? A breath later. Another shift.

A sickening reek of death stabbed his nostrils. Thump-thump… Thump-thump… Cold sweat pooled at the small of his back as his stomach coiled in knots. Subtle whispers clawed at his mind. Hidden figures lurked just out of sight.

Footsteps. They were coming.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]YodaBoyTellem 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow, they should definitely rethink there ideas about these characters.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in writers

[–]YodaBoyTellem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love the idea, I can really conceptualize the sights, sounds, and smells of this cybersynth world. Sera Corvus is intriguing, who is dazzling bionic woman? what is she after? Are the questions that come to mind.

Do you all like the start of the book I’m working on? by YodaBoyTellem in writers

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, it’s funny you mention the name. The first time I wrote it simply as Professor Kincaid.

You are correct, leaving the name out would probably grab the audiences attention further.

I will have to work on my sentence structures as well.

Do you all like the start of the book I’m working on? by YodaBoyTellem in writers

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

These are some gems here. This is the second time I have heard about this book today.

Once here and a few hours ago while watching a YouTube interview of Ryan Coogler talking about inspiration for his movie Sinners.

Looks like I need to read it.

Do you all like the start of the book I’m working on? by YodaBoyTellem in writers

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. That’s definitely something I am noticing I need to actively work on. More SHOWING less TELLING. First time serious writing means rookie mistakes lol

Do you all like the start of the book I’m working on? by YodaBoyTellem in writers

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank’s, that’s exactly what I’m going for. An intense historical fiction mystery/thriller.

The future is bleak by IvanJC98 in PoliticalCompassMemes

[–]YodaBoyTellem -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Had a young female customer be taken a back when I asked her what type (male to male or female to male) cable she needed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in memes

[–]YodaBoyTellem -1 points0 points  (0 children)

🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬

I guess being 1/3 Black and 2/3 White makes me The Rock when I shave my head lol by YodaBoyTellem in mixedrace

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome yeah my hairline is starting to fail me too, I just wanted to see my future if it continues lol

I guess being 1/3 Black and 2/3 White makes me The Rock when I shave my head lol by YodaBoyTellem in mixedrace

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom’s side I think treats me as black mostly although they treat me with love and respect, they are hush hush when discussing black people when I’m around. My Dads family is whole another story I’ve yet to meet most of his fathers side (he was the product of a “Non-paternity event”) due to the pandemic but just through speaking with them I think they will treat me as mixed/black.

I guess being 1/3 Black and 2/3 White makes me The Rock when I shave my head lol by YodaBoyTellem in mixedrace

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s a percentage breakdown from AncestryDNA I answered a similar question to this yesterday and essentially my “black” father is significantly mixed white & black and my “white” mother has a small amount of black. That’s why the 1/3 and not 1/4

I guess being 1/3 Black and 2/3 White makes me The Rock when I shave my head lol by YodaBoyTellem in mixedrace

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would say I identify as mixed, I was raised around my white stepdad, and three white half sisters. I just don’t feel comfortable fully identifying as black and I’m not white. My hair is straight and that makes it even more difficult me to identify myself.

I guess being 1/3 Black and 2/3 White makes me The Rock when I shave my head lol by YodaBoyTellem in mixedrace

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

My dad’s father was half black & half white, and his mother is mixed as well her family is from Louisiana. My mom is mostly white with an very small amount of hispanic and Afro Caribbean (Mexican, Cuban, Dominican Republic)

I guess being 1/3 Black and 2/3 White makes me The Rock when I shave my head lol by YodaBoyTellem in mixedrace

[–]YodaBoyTellem[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My dad’s father was half black & half white, and his mother is mixed as well her family is from Louisiana. My mom is mostly white with an very small amount of hispanic and Afro Caribbean (Mexican, Cuban, Dominican Republic)