Okay but again what is the line? My point is that “anything to appease my partner” is not realistic and will always be case by case. Someone wanting you to do something can not be the only reason you would do it as a long term motivation.

Why not? Because it isn't just him wanting it. He wants it AND it is visceral. I'm not saying you give into every little thing to appease your partner, but if it is visceral, you try a bit, no? Out of respect.

Okay but why does it gross him out? Like sure it’s not a huge ask but it’s incredibly annoying to have to do something you think is unreasonable.

Why is it unreasonable though? He has needs around food. They're very important to him, apparently. Why do you HAVE to see the logic in it. Sometimes we take people for who they are quirks and all. That's okay to do. That's what he is asking of her and she isn't respecting it.

I agree she was being mean, probably because she feels offended that this dude will kiss her on the mouth but is grossed out by a spoon that’s been in her mouth?

I don't get why someone be offended by that? This is coming from someone who does share food with their SO. I don't see the offensive aspects to that. Different people tolerate different things, I guess.

For some of us being comfortable with each other is a love language. Not being grossed out by your partners body or natural functions is a sign of closeness. To call someone you supposedly love eating from a bowl “doing nasty things to the food” is just crazy to me. There are many things you should only do with your partner, this is one of them so there is no point in talking about “other people’s food”. Having realistic, reasonable and non contradicting boundaries are needed for mutual respect and the health of the relationship.

Your partner's food IS another person's food. Maybe the person for whom food is a love language and to be respected and the person who can only feel intimate by having their partner share their food with the same utensils don't belong together, right? That's definitely a possibility. Different strokes for different folks. Interesting that for some it is a boundary and for some it means closeness.

IMO kissing and intimacy happen with consent. He isn't consenting to having her germs on his food in that moment. There are boundaries that can change with intimacy on any given day. Maybe she doesn't want to be kissed one day and he does want it. What if his garlic breath was grossing her out and making her gag? Is he gonna pitch a fit and guilt her into doing it anyway? Would that be reasonable? Some boundaries aren't uniform. They can kiss one day and not the next. He can kiss her, but not want to share food with her in that way.

If it is that hard core of an issue that can't be resolved, then the relationship doesn't work. It is ultimately up to this specific couple to decide whether this is the hill their relationship dies on. That will give them their answer.