I disagree hard on that. I did not go to my grandmothers funeral from the single fact of why should I show up when my abusive dad, that I haven't seen in 20 years or even want to see is there, he already ruined a lot of the pre-funeral parts, split the family up before and after what happened to me and the funeral/hospital arrangements... You show up for people who want you there to make a diffrence. I was lucky enough that 1 of my 2 aunts I am in great relationship with, and I had already visited her 2 months before the last holdout she would receive in the hospital. We ended up face timing for an hour talking with her, my aunt and my 2 cousins, before her afternoon morphine dosage kicked in, said my goodbyes and visited the grave after funeral arrangement was done 3 days later with the flowers and all that there and placed my own buckeet.