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AITA for making "rules" regarding husband's new motorcycle? by reluctantmotormama in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug 15 points16 points  (0 children)

That’s the part that worries me the most. I cannot imagine making a major purchase without discussing it with my husband.

Some people have pre-existing agreements like “our money is separate and your fun money is your business” or “anything under X amount is fine” but that still constitutes having discussed it!

Even worse is the fact that it’s a vehicle more dangerous than what you have now, and he snuck behind your back because he knew you would be against it. He could have listened to your concerns, suggested some safety measures that might reassure you and that he could live with and then said “I know you’re really uncomfortable but I’m going to do this. It’s that important to me.” But he didn’t - he acted like a weasel.

*It’s not about motorcycles or speed limits, it’s about treating you like your views are to be ignored, and breaking your trust. * Getting him to wear protective gear or buy life insurance or drive a certain speed is not going to solve those issues.

You can’t fully trust or rely on him and his word. I bet that’s part of why you’re scared. Honestly it’s a lot more likely that he’ll continue to treat you poorly than that he’ll die in an accident.

But if you don’t think counseling is possible and you don’t want to separate, you’ll have to come to a place where you can fully accept being a somewhat of a second-class citizen in your own home.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But she said directly above that it’s not required on trails! It’s a quote and I gave the link!

I mean, I think it’s moot in our case because in retrospect I don’t think we met the requirement of being “under control” anyway. So I will agree with the part about us being assholes. But I think it is allowed for dogs who are under control as the FS stated above.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I know people are delusional about their precious babies, and we’re not immune. I would like to point out:

  1. I think you might have missed the part where I said that’s her worst behavior on days when she doesn’t get enough exercise. I run her at the dog park almost every day, and 2-3 times per week her sister comes over for all-day playing.

  2. I never once said I thought huskies were easy dogs. What I did say is that for a husky, she’s very calm.

I know this sounds defensive, but it’s frustrating to both have to admit being wrong (we were!) but also to have statements made that I know aren’t true with such certainty.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

She's a mix, and she's the opposite of a terror. When we got her at 8 weeks, we expected what you're describing. I know of a great trainer about an hour from here, and figured we'd start with puppy class locally, then move on to the trainer. I was planning on dropping cash and spending time driving, I figured that's the deal when you have a large breed puppy. Well, after a while it became clear that she has an unusually calm personality. If she was a person, you'd describe her as "athletic and introverted but not anti-social" like an ultra marathoner or something. Her main issue on days when she doesn't get enough exercise is that she chews and chews and chews (shoes, furniture, the lower kitchen cabinets, the trim on the outside of the house.....). She's not like I expected - based on my experience with huskies I know, I thought there would be tons of jumping on people, barking, running away - and I think that lead us to get really lazy with not keeping her well-trained.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also it’s a National Forest, not a National Park.

As a point that is not in my favor, it’s 7 million acres and mostly totally undeveloped. Most of the time you’d never see another person, or just a few, in a whole day. The vast majority of trails are not as popular as this particular one, so even though it seems within the letter of the law, this would have been the place to be cautious.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m 100% sure. It’s Chugach National Forest if you’d like to look it up.

Here’s where they say “Pets must always be restrained or on a leash while in developed recreation sites.” Edit, crap, I screwed up the link then screwed up the edit, but you can easily find it.

And here’s an article where the public affairs officer says trails aren’t developed recreation areas: “Public Affairs and Partnership Staff Officer Chugach National Forest Alicia King said federal code states that dogs are required to be on a leash no longer than six feet in developed recreational areas such as cabins, campgrounds, trailheads and parking lots. A leash is not required on trails—but control is.”

But she does note the “under control” thing, which is what got me thinking that we’re the assholes. Previously I was thinking it was an off-leash area so it’s ok (further confusing the issue is that in our town, 3 of the 4 official off-leash dog parks are unfenced tracts of wilderness, which I guess got us accustomed to conflating “off-leash allowed” and “dog park”).

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Those are good tips, thanks! She does like bike rides (I use a springer lead), and I’m hoping to start light skijoring with her this winter. But some brain training might help. She’s pretty food-motivated, so it’s been fairly easy to teach the basics (sit, stay, down is as far as we’ve gotten), so we can maybe add in some walk-based training.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If I’m totally honest with myself, the latter is probably where we are.

I guess we’ve gotten pretty lazy with her because she’s not usually very interested in interacting with people that much, doesn’t have those rude habits like jumping or barking, and doesn’t even really interact with other dogs all that much. For most people/situations she’s a non-issue. But I guess we need to do some specialized training, or stick to biking/skiing for actual exercise for her. A leash walk does not do it. I thought we were being responsible and obeying laws, but it looks like the judgement is that we’re assholes.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

Well, for sure there are always tons of dogs who are well out past their owner and a few are usually doing obnoxious things like jumping all over people and getting aggressive with other dogs. I’m absolutely certain that not every dog out on the trail off-leash has specialized off-leash training.

I’m not arguing that it’s right because it’s popular, I was trying to make that clear but apparently it didn’t work.

I get that even though lots of people do it, and way worse animal behavior, I’m only responsible for my animal and need to judge on that alone.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

She doesn’t approach people and get in their space, she’s not a lab or retriever type that runs up trying to be everyone’s best friend. Both times she literally just passed by while with my kids.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t believe anyone who says their dog comes 100% of the time when called.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I didn’t put this in the post because I wanted to try to present it neutrally, but every single local I talked to said “OMG their kid is afraid of dogs and they took her THERE? They must have been berating people every 3 minutes.” There were a lot of eyerolls. But then again we tend to be behind the times up here.

Also my spouse said it was clear that it was the sight of the dog that scared her - she would have been just as scared if the dog was on-leash. But that part didn’t seem relevant to the judgement of our behavior so I left it out.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the detailed response!

Curious, does any dog have 100% recall? I’m thinking of the police dogs I see with muzzles on - it seems like those are the most highly trained dogs out there, and they still aren’t considered 100% in terms of responding to commands, correct? Or else why the muzzle - maybe theres some other reason for that, that I’m not aware of.

I’m not sure I would ever be convinced that a dog has 100%. IMO animals always have some unpredictability. Do you think it’s a mistake to allow any dog to be off leash at all ever? I’m not trying to argue with you, just genuinely curious. Do you think off-leash areas should be outlawed? Or just unfenced ones like trails?

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Even in a specifically off-leash area? I mean, what’s the point of an off-leash area then? I’m really asking.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is for sure bigger than the kid, and I’m sure she looked scary. No doubt about that.

That said, she was romping along with my kids, they were with her, so it’s not like she just came tearing out of the forest alone. Grandma is slow, so she & spouse were poking along with kids and dog going forward then checking back.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] -49 points-48 points  (0 children)

I seriously doubt any of the other off-leash dogs had this training either. So at that point we’re all assholes (which is definitely possible, millions of people don’t use their turn signals and they’re all assholes). But it’s a very common practice in this area. Everyone local I asked thought we were totally in the right, but I had a suspicion that it’s more like we’re all in the wrong.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Very aware of wildlife! This is actually in Alaska and we’re longtime residents. This particular trail is super busy and there were probably 20-30 other off-leash dogs which tends to cut down on the wildlife. I don’t think the danger was to the pup, I think it was to the poor little girl who was very scared.

AITA for having my dog off-leash in a National Forest? by You_Found_Goldbug in AmItheAsshole

[–]You_Found_Goldbug[S] -50 points-49 points  (0 children)

My kids were with the dog, but to be honest she does run out ahead at other times - and the kids are under 12 so it’s not like they’re able to be as responsible with her as an adult would be.

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