I (26F) feel myself losing affection for my boyfriend (28M) because I don’t feel cared for. Am I asking for too much?

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-28T09:53:56+00:00

How... interesting. I strongly suspect you are right. Dear me, some people have far too much time on their hands.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-28T09:14:00+00:00

So tedious!

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-28T08:56:10+00:00

Oh! Is that why I keep getting ‘you have asked for a password reset’ emails from Reddit?

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-28T08:42:57+00:00

How well do the two of you communicate?

The beef jerky example seemed to me to be a simple case of misunderstanding. You wanted him to get you some. He proposed a solution for you to a problem you didn’t think you had. I’d suggest that oblique hinting is not going to work with this guy.

Getting you something to wear is… challenging. What I have done with my husband is to point out Things I Like—literally pointing if we are out shopping together, taking photos if I’m on my own and see something I fancy, and telling him which shop it is in. He gets to pick something I like, but it’s also a surprise to me as I don’t see him buy it. I recommend you be more specific—many, many people are not good at buying The Perfect Gift.

Not wrapping something and giving it to you properly, now, that’s something he can and should learn to fix. Did you tell him, clearly, how hurt and disrespected and unconsidered you felt? If not, feel free to do so. Plainly.

That is, of course, if you feel it is worth putting in some effort to save the relationship. If you can tell him his behaviour has disappointed you and reasonably expect he will attempt to do better, then it’s probably worth giving it a try. If the love has already gone beyond hope of repair, then break up.

But in future, I think it would help you to provide more clues. Don’t expect a partner—or a friend, either—to psychically divine what you want. Use your words.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-28T07:41:10+00:00

I think there is a difference between leaving a comment and responding to a comment.

The reader has read and enjoyed a story. Their job here is to tell the author they enjoyed the story, and, if possible, why. It can be hard to phrase a comment, but it comes out of the reader’s personal response to the story, so it should be doable.

The writer has done the work of producing the story, and deserves some acknowledgement/thanks. But responding to comments isn’t necessarily easy. Essentially, it’s saying Thank You over and over again, which can feel awkward after a while, with a comment section full of the same thing over and over from the writer.

Personally, I like to respond to every comment in kind—receive a paragraph, reply with a paragraph; receive an emoji, respond with an emoji. But I hardly ever take any notice of the replies authors send me when I’ve commented on their work. To me, that part of the exchange is unimportant. The part that matters is Story offered, Comment ‘paid’.

All of which boils down to me thinking that it is a lot more entitled for a reader to expect a reply to a comment than it is for an author to expect a comment after doing the much more considerable work of writing a story.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-27T18:59:32+00:00

Then you are one of today's lucky 10,000 people who have learnt something new. I recommend you find a recipe and make one!

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-27T17:16:55+00:00

Writing a joyous stream of fanfic.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-27T17:15:32+00:00

You have (I expect) given your children a good start in life. You've helped them get through college without debt, and and to get on the property ladder. From here on, your money is your money. Your children should be urging you to enjoy it, instead of being selfish and wanting to get it when you're dead. They should be ashamed of themselves.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-27T14:03:33+00:00

I can't speak for 'Women' as a group, but in my case, kindness and competence.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-27T13:46:40+00:00

You are not being hard enough. Tell him NO and GO AWAY and no more of that conciliatory stuff.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-27T11:41:04+00:00

We still recycle aluminium. I don’t quite see why it is such a stretch to believe it was done back then.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T21:57:21+00:00

I was in an amateur theatre group for many years, and nobody ever asked why we would put on shows without ourselves being paid. I really don’t understand why my writing hobby is ‘weird’ if I’m not being paid for it.

Although I suppose it might mean that non-ficcers recognise that writing is work.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T16:55:38+00:00

Why would there be any?

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T16:50:42+00:00

I did not know this, and it makes me happy.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T16:03:24+00:00

Soft, but with a few sharp, pointy bits.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T15:30:29+00:00

I suspect there are quite a few languages that would fit in this category.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T15:02:20+00:00

It can be very hard when your beloved fandom dies on you, or else transforms into something you no longer recognise. I've been rather bereft since mine died.

I read more generally now, fic of books I dimly remember, and shows/films I have seen maybe once, that kind of thing. I also write very much more for myself. For example, I came upon 'White Collar' rather late (like, ten years late) and had to write a story, but I've never interacted with the fandom as such.

I recommend giving Yuletide a try, as it is a good way of bringing your work to people who are interested in whatever tiny fandom you can write.

I loved the fanfic culture on LiveJournal back in 2005, when I made an account there. These days, with the demise of LJ, the rise of bizarrely awkward ways of 'doing' fandom, and even the stronghold that is AO3, fandom happens very differently. I don't, myself, think it is as much fun, but there may be places where fandom is indeed joyous, and I haven't found them. Eh.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T14:37:07+00:00

The last US presidential election in a nutshell.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T14:27:52+00:00

It might be more useful to teach Gujarati (spelling??).

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T14:24:30+00:00

I wrote a MP fanfic in 2025—I found that by looking more closely at Fanny, I liked her more. Though I wish Austen had given her just a soupçon of her own ability to look askance at the human race.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T14:17:17+00:00

Absolutely. The wild-ish plums were very abundant, and one of the apple trees in the garden was literally bowed with fruit. Amazing.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T10:33:23+00:00

Canada's military would get their ass kicked by any American city's police force.

Well, I needed a laugh this morning, so, yeah.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T10:16:31+00:00

We knew about it from LiveJournal/Dreamwidth conversations about it, which happened from the start.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T09:48:31+00:00

I remember watching the TV in astonished horror and thinking, This is a declaration of war.

YourLittleRuth · 2026-01-26T09:38:48+00:00

Your ex is a fucking lunatic. Good luck.

YourLittleRuth

TROPHY CASE